|Reviews for Manipulated Variables|
| Desert Starr chapter 14 . 7/15/2013
last reviewspam from me. this time i have something more constructive to say.
the main thing that stuck out to me in terms of things that could use improvement was the dialog. i know it's easy for us as authors to wax eloquent and use lots of multisyllabic words and vivid imagery, and that's good when you're describing a setting or action, but people don't talk that way in casual conversation. casual conversation is usually short, simple sentences and vocabulary. if they're nervous or surprised, they may um and err, or stutter. sometimes an accent is broad enough to write phonetically, or a non-native speaker may mess up diction or word order. in general, remember that spoken word isn't usually as polished and pretty-sounding, and the more a character's dialog is distinctive from your written description, the more they feel real.
other than that, i love this story. i mentioned before that i love your portrayal of Wesker, and i still do. you handle characterization very well for all of them, and that's really what got and kept me interested. i have only one critique on that, and it's the way Annette handled her feelings about Wesker. before, during, and after the scene at the lake, i didn't get the impression that she felt bad at all for cheating on Will, or that she cared much about it at all. this could be just a matter of that not being a decision i'd make if i was writing this, but i thought it was worth mentioning.
i hope this helps (or at least wasn't annoying) and good work. 3
| Desert Starr chapter 4 . 7/14/2013
hey look review spam!
i adore the way you portray Wesker. absolutely adore. he's cold and ambitious and driven and keeps people at a distance. still, he and Will are both still pretty young, and he's not the impenetrable glacier he thinks he is. well done.
| Desert Starr chapter 1 . 7/14/2013
i'm glad to see something out here that focuses on the more obscure, under-appreciated characters in the series. you portray Annette, Will and Albert well, too : it can sometimes be hard to capture a personality in a few actions, but you've done a wonderful job here. i can't wait to read more!
| Rainfox88 chapter 14 . 6/27/2010
OMG! You are back! You finally updated this awesome story! It has been so long I had to go back and read the last chapter to remember what happened last lol. Well, it is finally good to be able to read this chapter! Awwww! Sherry is so cute and I am glad that you make William such a good father! :) I look forward to the next chapter! I wonder if Shen is really going to Paris or not!
| cjjs chapter 14 . 6/26/2010
Great to see an update from you, sorry it took me a while to read it through.
Once again, this is high quality stuff. I liked Annette's letter at the start, the tenseness of the board meeting, and the various character interactions with Sherry were nice.
It reakky kind of saddens me that the Birkins end so...unpleasantly, an occupational hazard I suppose.
Great chapter, keeep it up!
| rockof90 chapter 13 . 1/27/2010
This story is great. I really hope you update it soon
| cjjs chapter 13 . 8/29/2009
Great Chapter, sweet, dramatic.
I must say, I really like your character Shen, its good to know that Annette has a capable "Man Friday" to assist her while she goes about being all motherly.
In order to answer your question I need to ask a question. By Marcus incident are you referring to his asassination. Or his rebirth as James the opera singing, nightgown wearing human/leech hybrid?
If you are referring to his asassination, I say go for it. It would be dramatic, and probably traumatizing for William, as you've pertrayed him so far as a genuinely nice (albeit obsessive) guy.
If, on the other hand you are referring to Marcus' revenge on umbrella. I say maybe a bit more build up is in order. Besides, leech Marcus is silly.
Keep up the great work!
| Parsat chapter 13 . 8/28/2009
Yet again you come off with a chapter even more amazing than the one before it. It cuts through swaths of time, and yet I'm not even noticing. The best part has to be the birth of the child, which doesn't fall for the cliches that usually trap writers.
As for your question, you are the decider of what you want to write. I like the pace you've set for your work; it's very pleasant. I don't think accelerating the pace at this point is a very good idea. I'd say wait until the chapter where you start to get to the Marcus affair, and then ratchet up the pace. However, I don't know your long-term vision for this peace, so it's up to you to accept my two cents or not.
| Rainfox88 chapter 13 . 8/28/2009
Yay! FINALLY! I was absolutely thrilled to read this! XD Thank you so much! Sample A? Sample A Birkin, whoa, weird! Just joking lol! This was a fabulous chapter, and don't worry! You made it flow perfectly! I'm like you! I love the build-up! You are doing just fine at the pace you are going! There is no need to hurry for the Marcus Incident! Your interactions and atmosphere you create with all the characters always impresses me! Write this wonderful piece of work exactly the way you want it, and I will keep on reading! Thanks again! :D
| the gothic gunslinger chapter 12 . 8/11/2009
Er, so... my first thought is, "Gosh, I hope that child isn't really Wesker's." O_O Cuz... that would kinda destroy the point of Birkin's being after Sherry in RE2 for her genetics, but my brain is hard wired for drama, I guess. XD
I do really like this story. I've got my own obsession with the Birkin family so it's interesting to see one take on their past, even if it's different from my own. That's the fun of fanfiction! I definitely enjoy your characterization of Wesker, because even when he's human, he's still kind of a manipulative bastard. I find that to be spot on. _
Good stuff, I'm looking forward to more, and don't play too much Sims 3, it IS really addictive!
| RedQu33n chapter 12 . 7/31/2009
I like how you depict the characters, I didn't recognize any OOCness and it's quite amazing how you manage to add depth to them. Also, I never really cared much for Annette before, but you make her so likable! It's such a lovely story :) Now I'm really curious for the next chapter, I hope Annette is ok and I wonder what Wesker will do about the destruction that William's assistants caused (since he never was the one for forgiveness) ...
| Rainfox88 chapter 12 . 7/8/2009
I meant to review sooner, sigh...a bundle of energy-draining joy...lol! That was priceless! This chapter was quite enjoyable! I always love how you write Wesker, you make him so perfect! As for Annette and William...aw! Great work, and I look forward to the next chapter, as always! XD
| cjjs chapter 12 . 7/4/2009
Awesome, an update! I really enjoy this fic a lot, every single character is so well rounded. In the multitude of Weskers people write about, this Wesker is my absolute favorite. He's phlegmatic, slightly sociopathic, brilliant, but likeable for some reason. Well done!
| Rainfox88 chapter 11 . 5/25/2009
Aw! Dang what an awesome chapter! So well-written and great! I was so hungry while reading this chapter, and you just had to talk about those delicious turkey club sandwiches! Thanks alot! Lol! Anyways, I totally can't wait for the next chapter!
| cjjs chapter 1 . 5/21/2009
Very well written, the Annette/William scenes make me grin. Who knew that the guy who turned himself into a monster with a giant eyeball on his arm could be so likeable? Nicely done.