|Reviews for When Your Knees Buckle|
| Boris Yeltsin chapter 1 . 10/12/2012
Love it so far.
| CraftyNotepad chapter 12 . 10/2/2012
"Really? You think it's a wise idea to let this drag on?"
"You better the strawberry guacamole tell us what's next, potfpeep12! Right on! I mean, 'WRITE ON!'"
Okay, first my apologies for not posting sooner. Life and the lack of a functional time machine are my only excuses. Yeah, I know, we've all heard that one before, but it's really true this time. I mean it.
Alpha Wizrd makes its grand appearance, as does Yurna. Yurna. Did not see that one coming. Mandy 2.0. So, let me get this straight; in the future the Wizrd can do most everything from making broccoli taste like apple pie, to fixing a flat, but it doesn't have an anti-jerk app? Well, neither does my phone, except the "off" button. Guess she's going to turn Mike off. Wonder if he saw this coming though ...
I like this chapter. Probably should have written that in caps. I LIKE THIS CHAPTER. Yeah, way better. Not because you revealed so many tasty tidbits. It's here, in Chapter 12, that perspective is attained on the big questions this story addresses:
Is death really an issue when time traveling is involved? Yurna seemed upset at Phil's question, but can't they simply go back and rescue the Diffys like the Pickford Yuletide Star?
Are Phil and Keely destined to be together as a couple, or were they just a couple of horny teenagers all along? They've known themselves since they were at least five. Sure, one of them could have or already had their genes altered, or for that matter, have their off-spring's manipulated in the natal pod, but Phil's reaction isn't about DNA errors. Like the rest of the Diffys, Phil represents classic 1960s-type wholesome family values. Honesty, loyalty, having fun - but not at the expense of someone else. Very retro. Incest hasn't become an accepted practice in the 22nd Century, so while salacious (you thought I was going to write "titilating," didn't you? Well, I almost did.), it begs the question, not "is it wrong to have a thing for your half-brother?", but why Keely did what she did knowing what she knew; was she desperate for warmth and gentleness? Or was she offering an act of kindness to a condemned man?
Who's "Al?" "Al that time when I was knocked out …" - okay, maybe not such a big question.
I loved your opening, the SuperJump at Phil's 5th birthday party, the color of little Keely's hair, your detail of her skipping, the mere size of the gift she presented young Phil - all of it so well described, right down to the language of 5 year olds sounding their age. Truly, a great chapter, and considering the eleven which came before it, that's high praise.
I've truly enjoyed the ride, potfpeep12. Again, sorry about the long delay for this review, but when I forget to recalibrate the temporal pump valve - oh, you've heard that one before, too?
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| CraftyNotepad chapter 11 . 9/1/2012
You know what? I've long believed that Barb got the short end of the stick in the matrimony department. Boy, was I wrong! Between, Lloyd's college roommate Rex, Mike the maniacal, and lovable Lloyd Diffy, Barbara Speckle picked just fine. No wonder she didn't need to consider an astrosurgeon; Lloyd's a keeper. WAIT A TIME TRAVELING MINUTE! Is Mike Phil's bio dad? Did he and Barb? Ew! And then Barb married the first decent man she could think of, Lloyd Diffy, the roommate of her one-time collegiate husband-to-be? HEY, like his sister, Phil popped out of his natal pod, thus saving his mommy stretch marks; so all Mike the monster contributed was some DNA? Phil, Phil, Phil - remember the t-shirt: "Any guy can be a father, but it takes a man to be a dad." Remember what Curtis said, "WHOZ YuR DaDDY?" Lloyd Diffy's your papa, Phil, and don't you ever forget it.
Or I could be way off. One chapter away from your conclusion and you still have me enduring a whirlwind of clues and questions. Treat yourself to a grilled cheese sandwich because you've earned it. The mark of a poor mystery is that it is obvious whodunit by the second or third page; a great mystery - a true mystery - is one which engages its readers throughout the reading, enticing them to take this path or that one to sleuth out the answers AND keeps them guessing until the very end. This mystery of yours is the latter and cheese sandwich worthy, potfpeep12. Ta-Dow!
The justification for Keely following Mike's commands was solidly played; conditioned for years her stepfather Mike to feel guilty for not preventing her own mother's deadly poisoning, and she did so out of fear, fear him for years, fear of what others would think of her, and now fear of how she'll appear in Phil Diffy's eyes. So much better than Lex Luthor trying to kill Superman to get even for Supes making Lex bald that it isn't even a contest. Take solace, Keels, with Mike's revelation, Phil may not trust you right away, but he's going to understand why you lied to him - even if you are his half-sister from the future. (AM I EVEN CLOSE?) There are so many plot lines rambling through my skull with this story that I've almost forgotten the rest of the Diffys. What's to become of them? I haven't got a clue. Mike, Mike, Mike, let bygones be, you know, gone. Lloyd will ask Curtis to put in a good word for you with their boss at Mantis Hardware. You can be in charge of septic tank supplies - you're a natural for it. Oh, for the good old days when Pim would just use the Androider attachment on her wizrd and rip the arms off of creeps like Michael here. What? You don't remember those episodes? Gee, that's a mystery.
What's not a stumper is how I feel about this story reaching its end, as well as its zenith. Envy over the quality of what you've created, pride regarding your achievement, gratitude as you've demonstrated new depths for both characters and how PotF stories can be presented, and appreciation for not only the enjoyment you've provided me with, but how posting your multi chaptered story enriches the Phil of the Future archives. It's better, we're better, because of your contributions. You raise the literary bar. Here's hoping you come back real soon with more.
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| CraftyNotepad chapter 10 . 7/28/2012
Finally, enough pieces. You know what? Even before reading this chapter, yesterday I was examining the clues presented thus far and was a little stressed over posting my next review. How would you take it now that I had figured out what was going on, Keely's actual part in the story, how Yurna figured into all this, and what was going to happen next? I'd been here before with authors and it wasn't pretty. How could I break it to you gently?
I want to thank you for your kindness by sparing me that conundrum . This revealing chapter tore to pieces all my I'm sure ofs. Thanks a lot, potfpeep12! Geez, you couldn't have let me get even one right? So, Keely's not the mastermind and "Mike" isn't really another Phil from further in the future? Barbara wasn't actually Lloyd's other woman instamorphed for a little 22nd Century role playing to spice of their marriage?
Very original description of Phil being splashed with water in the opening, but confusing unless that's Phil speaking aloud. If the first sentence belongs to Mike, it deserves its own separate paragraph.
Great work with Keely's ending cliffhanger. An ominous admission portending inauspicious days ahead for Phil Diffy - if he has more than one left. You've injected an element of sympathy for a battered Keely trapped in her situation, whatever that is. Despite how the revelation of what Keely's part in this intrigue may forever change Phil's feelings for her, with that glass of water you've thrown them a line to stay connected. She's really his sister, right? Does Pim know?
Your announcement of more chapters is warmly welcomed (congrats on achieving double digits with this installment) no matter what their length, Writer.
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| CraftyNotepad chapter 9 . 7/27/2012
You certainly haven't disappointed in this chapter, as I'm still engaged upon the edge of my seat. Okay, Willy Ray is Mike - the revelation of this should be providing me with solace, so why doesn't it? I blame the closet. Someone is in there, "her," a woman, a girl? I dunno. Haven't a clue? Should I have? There's that closet door. The opening of a door symbolizes discovery and knowledge and it's this I attribute your tantalizing me with. I want to know what, or rather who, Keely is storing in the closet of her all but abandoned house - can't really call it a home. The door is remaining closed this chapter, though, as you use it to up the suspense, rather than allowing the "Mike" disclosure to weaken the flow of your story. Then, there's Phil's stupidity ...
Phil, you idiot! You knew what that tablet was all about, putting you to sleep, making you a captive to be removed with the "her" in the closet. Did you feel like your life was too boring as it is? Stupid, stupid, stu- Hey, wait! You knew it was a sleeping pill ... and what would be done with you ... do you think that your mother - or could it be Pim in the closet? Then, there's the future lady, and Lloyd's yet to be seen other woman. See what I mean? You don't disappoint, potfpeep12! I keep thinking that the chapter's title should be a clue for me, but if it is, I'm considering multiple associations in regards to "Our," just as my speculations for "her" are many.
A short, tight chapter, your writing presents itself as quite polished. At least the mystery of the Prius is over with, I think. My expectation is to find Phil on the other side of that mysterious door next chapter, but around here, I never know. Well done.
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| CraftyNotepad chapter 8 . 7/19/2012
If what makes for a good mystery is the puzzle, then this qualifies. Each time I think I know what's what, another line forces me back to reexamining what I thought I was sure of. Frustrating plus, but in that "I'm going to get to the next level if I have to stay up all night" kind of way. I gotta solve this!
"No biting?" Where's the fun in that? No matter. A solid description of their (first?) night together, and just when I think I know what's what - what's up with Keely's spartan digs? Since when did running water become fancy "stuff" that only the Diffys can afford? Again, she's becoming more of a mystery than "Where's Barb?" Now, the mood shift by a flakey Keely was in character. She's taken him home, invited him to explore her every nude nook and cranny, but if he peeks in her bare house's hall closet? Well, this is where the girl decides to draw the line when it comes to intimacy? He better keep his hands off her toothbrush. I'm just sayin'.
KEELY'S ABSENT CAR? Pretty fancy car for someone who can't afford tap water. What are you playing at, potfpeep12? It's a clue, but I haven't one.
PHIL'S THIRSTY CAMERO - what a clever way to share your reworked version of the show's theme song! Ullman said there were six different versions prepared, but I had no idea yours was one of them.
The GEO METRO had be believing that Mr. Hackett was entering the story and I'm not unconvinced yet. That could be a toupee! Oh, and don't think you weren't noticed triple Philling Phil. Gotcha.
At long last, the TIME MACHINE surfaces ... and Phil's forced to drive on by. Suspense rises instead of dissipating; you're going to make us wait a little longer, aren't you? That just makes the story all the more enjoyable and give me time to make more wrong guesses. Besides, I'm going to get my revenge. I know Keely's going to rediscover Phil's abandoned Wizrd. (She won't stand for Phil poking about her house, but she has no quandary when it comes to going through his jacket's pockets.) In less time than it took Hackett to muster up a pony in a Punchinello hat, Keels will be giving her place a make over that even Robin Leech would have a hard time describing. I wonder if she'll remember to turn the water on.
Terrific chappie with plenty of scene changes and plot twists which seamlessly transition by way of Phil's narrative. Nothing really to suggest here. Yes, your ending line is a solid one. I vote for the damsel in distress being Phil's mom - No. Keely! Keely's mom? Aw, put me down for Pim.
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| Guest chapter 7 . 7/16/2012
wizrd - always impressive to witness correct 22nd Century spelling. "Alpha Wizrd?" At least Wizrd Corp. didn't name it an "iWizrd." All the little 2123 boys would be snickering every time someone said, "I wiz."
canoodling - Disney is going to imitate you and steal this cool word. Sorry, because they're going to canoodle you in the process. Phil! Still have that Trojan on you?
Your Keely is suspicious. Managing to have phone numbers pop into a shirt pocket, and now appearing out of nowhere late at night ... who's stalking whom here? It's enough to make one forget about her Mark ... .almost. Boss? Boyfriend? Evil step-brother? If anyone is acting suspiciously as if they're not from around here, my money's on Teslow.
Just when I think I'm beginning to understand what's going on, Pim warns of fib, lies and fabrications. If you're trying to keep me off balance, you're succeeding. Same if you're trying to give me a brain tumor. Congratulations. Oh well, at least I know why you voted for New Year's Day now.
A well written chapter with an ending that has me wanting to know what will happen next, potfpeep12. Treat yourself to a well deserved cookie of your choice. Maybe a snicker doodle?
| Guest chapter 6 . 7/16/2012
"I was being chased, I looked back and that was it." - Since Phil was injured BEHIND his left ear and after he turned about while running, plainly, Mr. Diffy ran into a tree and knocked himself out. Simple at that - about the only simple thing in this story so far, I judge. In the process of laying out plenty of clues which I'm certain will assemble logically in the finale, you've certainly succeeded in writing a mystery. Oh, I have some guesses - all wrong, sure, but this is what makes for successful mysteries: try as the reader might, a who-done-it isn't solvable until the very last page.
So, Yurna's not the "other woman?" And now I'm not even confident that one exists. You truly have me guessing. So Barb took the time machine for a ride and had a collision ... but then how did her ring end up buried? And who's going to clean up the Diffys' house after the wingding?
Grammar is stronger in this chapter than the ones previous. What a difference a year makes!
On to Chapter 7!
| CraftyNotepad chapter 5 . 7/20/2011
"quadruple locks" - this had me smiling, recognizing your own tip-of-the-hat to the GBA Phil of the Future game. :)
Owen and Evan - loved your choice of name for Owen's big brother. I loved your/Phil's declaration of Owen being the biggest jerk every, but Owen may come in second place after your invention of Evan.
"The fear of a visit from the police was crawling up my legs." - I just really liked this turn of phrase and that that followed. The clever turn of phrase, a new take on an episode, better than novelty is reading something new here, a concept no one has ever offered before. "Pim! Thank goodness, a normal person!" Yep, that qualifies big time!
"... they captured her demanding personality." - While Pimmy is demanding, her preferred choice of wheels reflect more of her elitism and impatience.
Well written description of the Wizrd, both in explaining a wonderful new feature, and, even better yet, knocking the 22nd Century Swiss army knife by pointing out its Achilles's heel.
The dream sequence, if that's what it was, was great. Unraveling, appearing to reveal the truth, while ever contradicting my last deduction. Wonderfully crafted, littered with clues which may or may not be relevant in upcoming chapters - love the way you tease us readers. "I feel like a bear." - "felt" to be in tense agreement with the other sentences in this paragraph.
Just when I'm starting to learn how to spell Oxcula, you go traditional on me. C'mon, really look at Alyson and you admit "Oxcula" fits her better. Give it just one try and I'll keep working on Oxzula, Oxulla, Ockszula, ... Sill, got to hand it to you for the best use of Oxcula ever in a story here, or even in the series.
Next time, Phil and Pim should simply Insta-morph themselves into resemblances of a couple of Pickford's thin blue line to rid themselves of party guests, or simply nudge their next door vice-principal to do it for them. That fellow's a real party pooper.
Great chapter with unexpected developments. You know, Ullman did say in the voice over track of Gadgets and Gizmos that they tried to entertain and teach lessons on Phil of the Future. Some are easy to spot, such as get advice from your parents, do your homework, ... This chapter I learned never to answers the door if Owen in on the other side. Thanks for the life lesson!
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P.S "PILL?" Oh, that was gold, potfpeep12!
| CraftyNotepad chapter 4 . 7/17/2011
YOU BROKE THE FIRST RULE OF GADGETS!
- and I loved it!
Pheely fanatics found their fix in this chappie, or at least of taste. True, it was mostly in Phil's imagination, fantasizing over his impending evening, thus a one-sided account. Still, it was romanticized, displaying the if-then-else simulations that run through each infatuated male teen's mind prior to a big night. So, what's so special about Phil Diffy then? Well, you handed Philip some brownie points by having him consider that Kee- excuse me, "Oxcula," would be rushed. Might she be more than rushed? Yeah, considering you've hinted that she was and knowing your talent for surprising readers, that's so possible!
"I amble toward the door ..." - 9 out of ten authors here would have simply jotted down "walked," or "went;" however, you made time to craft even this simple description. Thank you, not only for my own enjoyment, but in gratitude for your setting the standard higher for all of us contributing here as you do.
No tuxedo, no red gown? T-shirts and denim, shoes kicked off and toes curling beneath socks as jokes interrupt the consumption of fizzy soda beverages. Smiles and laughter with no stares or shushing from fellow diners? All of a sudden, I agree with Phil: this does sound like a much better evening ahead.
Pumpkin seed, such an innocent injection into Phil Diffy's character. It does not intend to detract or contradict from the established character. If it had only been something other than pumpkin, any food actually. This detail had me comparing pumpkins and tomatoes, wondering what would have happened if pumpkin-lovin' Phil had ended up in a town which also happened to be the pumpkin capital of the world, or if the people of Pickford preferred planting and picking plump pumpkins. "Hamden?" Now, I'm wondering if Hamden grows pumpkins. See? I'm easily engaged/distracted.
Okay, back to gadgets. (Sorry, distracted.) When an new gadget is introduced, usually in the first minute or so of an episode, it's going to play a integral role in the story, such as the NewAger reviving the dead plemon tree, so Keely can play with aging herself after the commercial break, Lloyd using invisaspray to retrieve the morning paper, etc. This is a rule or law or something rigid like that for episodic television and comic books, but did you comply with this tradition? Noooo, not you, nuh-uh. You tossed future technology into this chapter like it was burning a hole in your time traveling jumpsuit. Pim pimping her wizrd, the flexi-fridge (I'm going to have to stick PotF Gadgets and Gizmos back in the DVD player and rewatch that catalog. Imagine, a refrigerator that makes room for larger than normal grocery story purchases - Curtis would go nuts with it.), but your introduction of the 2114 anti-Giggle was easily my favorite because, aside from describing it, you had Phil consider the anti-anti-Giggle. You wrote him just so completely in character; it flowed flawlessly because this it the future boy we know so well, aside from a weakness for pumpkin-scented girls and eggs.
At first, I supported your claim of this not being your best chapter; however, after looking it over several times, it's definitely in the running. Shorter, yes, yet filled with lots of interaction and story development; all the more impressive to do in a concise and somewhat brief addition. Yes, you have several plot lines going on at once, again impressive. Where's Mom?, Lloyd's whereabouts and eventual comeuppance, Phil's date with the pizza girl, and why was that woman's voice so familar to Phil?
More to come? Let's hope so, because unless Ke- Oxcula was outside on her cell, I have no idea who Phil just "heyed" at the front door.
Congratulations on an outstanding fourth chapter.
| Nugiha chapter 4 . 4/14/2011
Nice story, Could you read and review my fics, please?
| CraftyNotepad chapter 3 . 11/27/2009
Thank you for my props, potfpeep12! ;) Yes, I wholeheartedly agree! Reviews are appreciated! And teachers, homework - especially in amounts measurable by a bathroom scale - are not!
Now, as Phil lets loose his soliloquy, the sneaky suspicion brews that he's unknowingly pulling a Pim and talking out loud then entire time - that's the real reason she returns with her answer. Something genetic about that in the Diffy lineage. Only Barbara "Speckle" seems immune.
"I ascended back into my house, to see my little sister waiting for me." - great word, ascended, yet while there are stairs outside and in the Diffys' homestead, this word is probably more appropriate for the skyak. How about "reentered," "backtracked," or "returned," even "happily skipped back," tra-la-la!
Phil's calling Lloyd's action a "mid-life crisis" almost trivializes it. Doubt Barbara feels that way at all. More likely she's imagining nailing his hoo-haws to the time machine then watching to see what happens when it's activated and goes into flux. Yeah, you're right. Not enough. Let's go ask Pim what she's considering as "fair." :D
In enjoyed being surprised by you having Phil's first thought as he rested being of his mother and not his fantasy pizza girl. Nonetheless, "Oxcula" will be on her guard once she hears about Lloyd, especially if Phil decides to label it "MLC" once more. "Like father, like son," and "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree," so the sayings go.
The dream sequence was enchanting. What made you pick race cars over skyaks?
A sophisticated chapter, and as for you writing this chapter all in one day, well that just speaks for your competent talent as a writer! :)
Looking forward to Barb's return and Pim's menu of roasted Lloyd on a spit.
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| CraftyNotepad chapter 2 . 11/27/2009
Phil's pratfall made me laugh, thank you. Yes, I remember "Oxcula," but would have been too scared to attempt to spell it - besides, Phil was lying at the time. XD
"Hold on. I barely know you." - Gee, she already knows where he lives, and she's come up his front steps twice. PHil, I think she's stalking you.
Lloyd - that crumb! Admittedly, Lloyd is not the easiest character to pin down. He's caring, but only about his own family members. While this seems contradictory, you should keep in mind two things. First, he's an engineer. Give him a problem and look at all the pieces and make it work. Secondly, he's a time traveler from way back in his and Barb's dating days. (Time-Release Capsule). To him, he's walking around people who have already died. It would be like you and I worrying about Lincoln visiting Ford Theater; our perspective is that he's not going to stay until the end of the performance, as history has taught us, or even more realistically, Lloyd's homework helmet.
These two factors allow Mr. Diffy to be indifferent to all us 21st walking history projects, and even more so to Curtis, while still caring about Pim watching too much T.V. or his kids being embarrassed if he goes on stage and sings old timey folk songs. Yes, he's a dork - I'm not defending him, especially for what he's doing in your story - not the dating someone half his age, but his abandoning his good life with his family, this commitment to Barbara and to their children - even Pim.
I'm enjoying your writing. I just wish for everyone's sake, it was a replicant who wrote that note.
P.S. In the words of Princeton Girl: LOVED IT - UPDATE SOON!
| CraftyNotepad chapter 1 . 11/26/2009
How'd I miss this gem? Oh, yeah, school work. XP
Well, I'm playing catch up now and digging up treasures such as this is its own reward.
"Saucy" ... is that a good word for this chapter? Tangy, scrumptious, enticing, most definitely.
A little spellin' and punc. that slipped by, but nuthin' to sink this story!. Marvelous! Never heard of a cave with four lakes before. Is it one of those with blind little fishies?
One more chapter ...I hope it's as good! (Insert Pizza delivery reference here, something like hold the anchovies, if the next review isn't delivered within 30, then you don't have to pay for it and I'll throw in some cheesy bread, or "no, it's our new Pac-Man Pizza, Enjoy!"
| AvengedSevenfoldGirl chapter 2 . 4/10/2009
This is cool!
And u kno whats strange?
Everytime i listen to music while i read this, and every time whatever song i may be happeining to listen to has to do with this chapter.
Todays song was "Hardly Breathe" by Hydroponikz and Linkin Park. Look it up, you'll c what i mean!
Anyhoo nice job! Update soon!
And update "Turbulence" I wanna kno what happens!