|Reviews for Comedy Rules|
| Spring-Heel-Jacq chapter 7 . 6/18/2012
First off, I must admit I liked how you put in so much description and depth into, not only this story, but the characters as well. Buster, Babs, Plucky, Shirley, Furrball, Calamity, Hamton, Elmyra, Monty, Gogo, Mary Melody and the rest of the cast seemed to be in character.
Though aside from chasing Little Beeper which he probably doesn't know why he has to, Calamity isn't all that much of an antagonist. The coyote is just a silent smart guy who is prone to helping out hose in need. And he may have worked for Monty and Elmyra for the money possibly to buy parts for his inventions. Nonetheless, this story really makes me like Calamity even more! As for Babs . . . well she can learn that her 'fun' can go too far . . . kinda like a good morale if that what you were aiming for . . .
I also admired how you made this seem like another cartoon short and was almost able to picture the whole story in my head like another episode. Not to mentioned how you made references to other episodes like "Lifeguard Lunacy," "Furrball Follies" & "Hero Hamton."
It was also nice that you inserted some characters from other Warner Brothers shows into the story, though I found it odd that there are instances where you keep putting the word 'the' in front of Brain's name, is there a reason why do you that?
Which reminds me, I was quite satisfied that you used the correct catchphrase (“BEEP! BEEP!”) that Little Beeper and his mentor use. I came across too many stories where the authors used the incorrect thing (“MEEP! MEEP!”).
And one last good note about this story before I go into the critiquing side is the fact I really enjoyed learning some intriguing terminologies you use in this story not to mention how you called some of the characters by its species like ‘canid’ for Calamity and ‘felid’ for Furrball.
For the critic aspect of the story, you don't really need to give out the summary in the first chapter to the readers hence why there's a "summary" box when you post a story.
Not to mention there are too many sentences that have passive diction if not fragmented ones that could be reworded such as the sentence "Plucky hastily shoved the bag of money he'd just collected from the mouse into a pocket and ran to catch up with Buster." Action words tend to make the story more appealing to the reader: "Hastily shoving the bag of money he collected from the mouse into a pocket, Plucky ran to catch up with Buster."
When writing, try to show the readers what is happening instead of telling the readers when the characters are doing. For instant, how does Shirley zap Plucky with her 'psychic' power?
As for grammar, “doe” means an adult female of various mammals and Babs . . . well she’s a teen so I’m not certain calling her that quite applies. There were instances that you place a word where it doesn’t belong like “thing” instead of “think.”
When characters are speaking, the quotes should start a new paragraph. Speaking of quotes, there are times when I got confused on who was saying what. Speaking of which, when Calamity whispered in Babs's ear, it would've been nice if you described what his voice sounded like . . . like if it had British accent, a southern accent or such . . . or did you leave it ambiguous to give the readers to imagine what it sounds like? Oh! Before I forget, when Gogo explained the competition rules, why did you use parentheses to indicate when the dodo shape-shifted while talking instead of breaking it into little paragraphs? And when Babs pulled out the stop sign, why was the word "STOP" in brackets?
There are main, major and minor characters' names you messed up in story: For the blonde haired female fowl voiced by Gail Matthius, it's Shirley McLoon not 'the Loon'; the name of the African-American girl is Mary not Merrie. Her name "Mary Melody" is a pun off the sister show "Merry Melodies" of WB's Looney Tunes; There's no 'p' in Hamton's name; and I don't know if you used Fifi's full name but I felt like mentioning it: It's Fifi La Fume not Le Fume.
The parts I liked:
1) Sweetie Pie trying to have Bookworm for a snack but slams into the face of the clock as Gogo popped out followed by his comment.
2) Buster compared his arms together. The one that Babs yanked on was considerably longer than the other. Plucky pumped on one of his buddy's blue ears to ratchet the arm back to its proper length.
3) "Come, Pinky. We must raise some capital." The Brain rubbed his small pink forepaws together in anticipation. If he could utilize the youngster's inventions, his own vast intellect would be freed up for more important world domination plans. But he would need the money if he were to employ the grey coyote's inventiveness for his own efforts of global takeover.
"Oh, oh! are we going to the state capital or the national capitol, Brain?" Pinky leaped up and down in an idiotic dance of delight at the prospect of going sightseeing with his pal, Brain,
"I'll need to get my camera!"
"Money, Pinky, 'capital' as in money!" Brain's voice raised as he tried to cut through Pinky's excitement and reach the taller mouse's nominal intellect.
"The money capital?" Pinky asked, scratching his head in confusion.
"You mean Wall Street?"
"No! . . ." then the Brain paused, a cunning look entering his small beady eyes.
"But that's not an entirely bad idea! Perhaps I can set up a dummy corporation and get a bailout!"
4) Gogo changing shapes as he's explaining Comedy Rules
5) "D'oh!" Big Bad slapped a hand to his forehead.
6) "Okay, let's get to work. It's not really much different from any other wild-take. Ya just gotta pretend that yer meal is the hottest dame around. Come on, give it a try." Doing his best to follow the wolf's instructions, Calamity thought about the white mink he'd encountered earlier in the evening. A faint sizzling sounded and the little coyote melted into a puddle.
"O-o-o-okay. Maybe not quite that hot." Big Bad picked up an edge of the coyote puddle and snapped him back into shape as if he was a throw rug.
7) Calamity helping Mary Melody in the library
8) The pure irony of Foghorn Leghorn being the librarian
9) Toward the bottom of chapter five starting with Babs coming home to an empty house and ending with Mortimer chanting “He got you, he got you! April Fools! April Fools! He got you!" in a sing-song manner.
10) "Well, you know, like they say: 'A Fool is the only self-made man,'" Shirley floated cross-legged in the air. Babs was one of her best friends, but the psychic loon felt that the pink bunny had taken comedic license too far this time. From beginning to end, she never did get bad vibes from the little coyote.
"Or rabbit as the case may be."
"Hey, I resemble that remark!" Babs exclaimed.
"I think you mean 'resent that remark.'" Hampton corrected helpfully.
11) "Way ta go Grwanny!" While Professor Tweety and his own young pupil, Sweetie Pie, cheered her on, Sylvester cringed in remembrance of the many times that Granny had performed the same procedure, the 'Granny Maneuver,' on him whenever he got a hold of Tweety.
12) From Calamity giving Granny the puppy-eyes to her demanding the coyote to give Babs a kiss, which he gives her a big whopper.
13) "So, Calamity," Fifi sashayed over to the little grey coyote, "where eever did vous learn to kees like zat?" Calamity's cheek fur glowed a rosy color as he whipped out a large text book. 'Advanced Studies in Chemistry' was printed on its cover. In reality, he learned a great deal of it from Fifi herself whenever she mistook him for a skunk. But it wouldn't be politic to say so.
"Mmmm! I could use a chemistry tutor." Fifi smiled softly to herself, wondering about arranging another stripe down Calamity's back.
14) "Don't EVER call me Barbara Ann!" Babs yelled, blowing the grey coyote's ears back. Some genius. His smug claim of 'I win, Barbara Ann' only made her mad. The irate pink bunny smashed Calamity flat with a mallet, knocking him unconscious.
"And no, you did NOT just win!" The clock struck three.
15) "Ya still have ta finish the villain courses. I ain't lettin' ya drop ma classes, ya no good, flee bitten, mangy prairie wolf." The Looniversity vice principal spend most of the day monitoring the young coyote's progress with Bugs and Wile. That no account, young genius displayed appalling, very non-villain like behavior. The school had too few villains as it was! Calamity reached over tugging Babs Bunny over in front of Professor Yosemite, offering the popular lagomorph instead. His interest piqued, Yosemite Sam ran a hand down his red, handlebar mustaches.
"Well, the pink varmint does have potential . . .."
"I am NOT a villain!" Indignant, Babs stalked forward again with her mallet. Calamity whipped out a dictionary from his body pocket and flipped it open to the 'villain' entry. He held it up for everyone to see.
"Villain /ˈvɪlən/. The comedic dupe engaged in failed plots and gratuitous cartoon violence for selfish ends who never bests the hero. See: Babs Bunny." It showed a picture of Babs with a terrible grimace on her face, her fur red and frazzled and wielding a huge mallet. It looked exactly like she did right now.
"Whoa, like Calamity!" Shirley dropped from her floating lotus position to her feet in surprise. Calamity Coyote not only wrote signs, but re-wrote books as well?
"That like, takes mondo brain power and focus, or some junk, to pull that off."
| StarReader86 chapter 7 . 8/12/2010
This is truly one of the best TTA stories on this site that I am privileged to have read. In the beginning, I thought the 'unlikely' rivals would be Calamity and Buster, but Calamity and Babs is a way better combination!
What I really love about this story is that you gave a quiet, very underrated character some well-deserved, and much needed development. Watching him on the show as a kid, I never saw him as being real evil. If anything, he reminded me of the loner kid who's roped into doing someone else's bidding, especially if there's something in it for him (testing his inventions out and getting paid $$).
You also showed how toon characters, like people, are not always one-dimensional. Calamity, Babs and Plucky are examples of characters who can be the good guys or the bad guys depending on their motives and the way they fulfill said motives.
You did a great job explaining the toon physics in this story! It was so thorough that I could actually picture it in my mind like it was happening in an actual episode.
Thanks to you I now see Calamity in a different light and may become a Calamity fangirl (right after Fifi, of course :D)!
| NebulaBelt chapter 7 . 1/5/2010
Alright! Totally amazing work! I love the relationship turnabout you did with Calamity and Babs. This is one of the most TTA-like fan stories I've ever read. This could've well been an actual episode!
| Amalockh chapter 7 . 5/27/2009
Well. Thanks for screwing me over. I don't know what to say about your "Ending", nor do I wish to say anything that would sound like something out of the mouth of a 4-year-old.
How about this: you did your ending some Justice. Yeah. I'll give you that. And don't get the wrong impression. I'm only saying that while I enjoyed reading to the end, flipping everything around with that incredible 'twist' left me kind of speechless.
| Academia Cicero chapter 1 . 5/14/2009
Alright, I WILL read the following chapters later, but I had to say this first...
Glad to see you tackle a different series after some nice work on Loonatics Unleashed. But what gets me is that your interpretation of the events are exactly the same as in your previous stories.
I understand that writers develop trademark styles of writing, and yours is very focused on detail and inner thought, which honestly, I admire. Seriously. Too many of these fan fiction writers have no patience for inside jokes, description, keeping characters "in-character", and emotions that leave little to the imagination as to what's going on. I can see it all clearly and humorously in my mind just from your writing alone.
The thing is though, Loonatics Unleashed and Tiny Toon Adventures are two very different shows, and as such, require attention to different kinds of writing. In this chapter, a lot of the energy and humor that made Tiny Toons great is weighed down by the excessive explainations. Everything I said I like about your writing is SOMETIMES overdone when simplification would be just fine.
For example, the guest appearance by Pinky and the Brain WAS brilliant! (in my mind, Calamity should have been in the spin off instead of...*shudder*...Elmyra) But we fans already understand all there is to know about these two, so the excessive anticdote about who's insane, their ambition, etc. seemed a bit unnessecary. And this caused the normal cartoon style of Tiny Toons to be slowed down, rather unenjoyably.
This is a view I've had about your work for a while now, because it stands in sharp contrast to much more amateur writing I've read sporadically from time to time. I honestly enjoy your stories, for taking a different approach to certain characters while still keeping in the conformity of the show itself. That's hard to do, and its a talent that serves television writers very well when they're hired to work on a show. I think you have potential.
Please don't hesitate to be the creative and descriptive writer that you are, by all means. I am in no way a member of the Thought Police, sent to censor aspiring writers. I'm actually one of them myself. Just know that I think you could afford to skip some of the details to keep the action moving along. Give your readers some credit. We may not know what's going on in your mind, but we at least know the basics about our favorite cartoon characters. To quote Babs "It's a talent I have" -Thirteensomething
Again, bravo on braving the challenges of a different series. I myself have had an idea for Tiny Toons for a long time, but haven't taken the time to write it out.
Hm. Maybe I should now, don't you think?
Know that I hold you in high regards as one of the greatest (if not THE greatest) writer on this site. I think positive criticism should be both given and recieved in the writing community, and all my words are given with the hopes of aiding an already excellent writer. You've got talent Yunno, talent indeed.
| acosta perez jose ramiro chapter 7 . 5/13/2009
Very wise ending; a tie. Yes, a good villain can be as funny as a good hero; Wile E. Coyote is the best example, as he's way funnier than his 'comedic-duo-hero', Roadrunner.
Hahaha... and Pinky won the bet! Cool.
Cal kissing Babs was a funny touch; of course, it was just a little playing, just like when Fifi kissed Buster in the 'Real Kids don't eat broccoli' short.
Keep the good writing.
| Stuart Johnson chapter 7 . 5/13/2009
A perfect ending for a great story!
P.S. Calamity Pwns!
| The J.A.M. a.k.a. Numbuh i chapter 7 . 5/13/2009
Heh, Granny should be more careful when dealing with students of the opposite gender. The "Kiss and make up" was just ASKING for trouble. It's a miracle Babs didn't melt there.
I do wonder why Buster didn't react right after she was swallowed, and only when Calamity kissed her.
But Cal came out triumphant in the end. Excellent star bashing!
An excellent fanfic, Yunno, thanks for posting it!
| acosta perez jose ramiro chapter 6 . 5/8/2009
Whoa... Cal ate Babs... genius.
Very good one. Yep, they should have ended the whole thing after the steamroller stunt. Max and Plucky ruined everything for them... now, wonder if Babs will have a bomb with her.
Keep the good writing.
| Starwing Bravo chapter 6 . 5/6/2009
I remember the anvil chorus... funny. And the way Calamity was somewhat suspicious of Acme is kinda humorous too. Once again, you deliver.
| Stuart Johnson chapter 6 . 5/6/2009
Well Babs, you may have just met your match!
*Bows to Calamity*
"All Hail the new King of Comedy!"
| Amalockh chapter 6 . 5/6/2009
There aren't enough words to describe how dazzled or excited I'm feeling right now. I guess that's probably enough. Hands down, your story is Fantastic.
| The J.A.M. a.k.a. Numbuh i chapter 6 . 5/6/2009
Great chapter, Yunno!
| Stuart Johnson chapter 5 . 5/5/2009
Well I finally got up enough nerve to review this story, and here it is.
Very well written. A great idea.
| acosta perez jose ramiro chapter 5 . 4/29/2009
Another great chapter. I liked Cal's trick on this one; he's doing the right thing at letting Babs do all the villanous stuff so Comedy Physics work against her.
Keep the good writing.