|Reviews for What If|
| InkDrinker chapter 1 . 10/24/2011
i know this is somewhat old but... this is like. incredible. super duper totally amazing job. :3
| Sashocirrione chapter 1 . 5/6/2010
This is very nice, very introspective.
| Cizz chapter 1 . 4/16/2010
Woah, and this is your first? I can't wait to see the rest!
It was amazing, really. The way you describe everything is so beautiful, I really like your writing~
| xxzzxxzzxxzz chapter 1 . 10/13/2009
Beautiful. Each sentence conveys sharp, poetic imagery so clearly. It isn't too melodramatic but rather thoughtful and pained, like fringe-of-consciousness thoughts that are hard to ignore and harder to face. (I really am kind of in love with your amazing sentences. I think I have to read this a couple more times.) Anyway, that this is your first fanfiction...is mind-boggling. On it's own, this is a thing of beauty, but the fact that it's the start and the beginning for you...I can only say that I sincerely hope you continue creating such art, you're obviously a very talented writer.
Oh, and, thank you for the cookie. It helps the hyperventilation after reading such mind-exploding writing. - /fangirling
| xRayne-chanx chapter 1 . 7/31/2009
That was an absouletly /fantastic/ piece of work. Your metaphors are phenomenal. Especially the bit about the masks, and the twist on 'stabbed in the back'. Totally brilliant. I can't believe that was your first fanfiction...! Write more, please. :3 -fave fave fave-
| AngelWhoIsNotASerialKiller chapter 1 . 5/13/2009
Oh wow, this was a really well-written piece of work. Your metaphors and comparisons were wonderful. Everything you wrote had such imagery to it that I could see everything clearly. The way you compared L and Light's names was brilliant and spellbinding.
The only issues I really saw was that some of your sentences were a tad long.
L was in love with a boy who’s name belayed his nature, shining and deadly, a deep sea fish, beckoning others in with a gentle glow (promises of warmth, companionship) luring you closer and closer until finally, with a sigh like a chain-link wind chime and cautious connection of lips that felt like drowning and your first breath of air all at once, you were in its mouth, knife-dripping maw and the last thing your brain registered was that once warm light staring down at you as your eyes slid shut, the thing you had moved towards before you fully understood all it was.
I loved the sentence and what you were saying but it is kind of a than that, brilliant and I can't wait to see what you come up with next!
| Hanyou-Foxgirl chapter 1 . 4/4/2009
This story was beautifully written, and wonderfully insightful. It was really... deep. U_ I don't know how else to put it... I really liked the end! You're very talented. I wish that I could write like that... . but man! I was really surprised that you only have as many review as you do! This amazerful piece of work deserves much more. _
| Sixteen clumsy and shy chapter 1 . 4/2/2009
I LOVE the ending paragraph. "L must stand for lost. Lost before he even started. Chasing echoes down the corridors of memory, weaving in and out of truth and lies then stepping back to reveal a hand stitched tapestry that pointed in the right direction. A letter clinging tightly to radiant energy, something that was not even there. Two inhuman, abstract concepts bound together by six feet of love and lies and sloppy kisses and laugh attacks and birthday wishes and strawberries and cake and suspicion and pillow fights and foot massages and sparklers and chalky breath marks on winter air and midnight trips to bakeries and sex and dreams and love and tickle wars and sugar cubes and sometimes even the occasional grain of truth."
You are a very good writer; it reminds me of an odd mixture of Dr. Seus (Seuse?) and Alan Moore. :D
| ShojoChick chapter 1 . 4/2/2009
That was perfect. I enjoyed it a lot. Poor L, though.
| sadevesi chapter 1 . 4/2/2009
I loved it!
Perfect. You're a really good writer :)
| BlueOctoberSky chapter 1 . 4/2/2009
This has a unique flavor. Please write more.
| EricaAuksi chapter 1 . 4/2/2009
That was amazing...
| Le'letha chapter 1 . 4/1/2009
This was really your first fanfic? I almost don't believe you! It was really good. I feel like you really got inside L's probable feelings (in all honesty I don't know anyone who can say with confidence what L's feeling at any given moment). By the end, I was really hurting for him.
Very good. Write more if it comes to you!