|Reviews for The Real Deal on the New Recruit|
| Hidden Berserker chapter 3 . 4/2/2016
I like the story but I can't help but feel that everything's moving a bit fast.
| ShiningGalaxy chapter 24 . 1/30/2012
OMG OMG OMG She be alive! Yay! Thanks so much for updating this again :)
I could hug you x3
| ShiningGalaxy chapter 22 . 2/14/2011
Damnit Josh..._ I just hope they have some sort of voodoo power to bring her back...PLEASE! BRING HER BACK!
| ShiningGalaxy chapter 21 . 2/14/2011
I AM SO SORRY! I can't believe I haven't reviewed! eek! I'm sorry really I am! :( Please forgive me :(
Anyways this was a wicked chapter. I can't believe Emma did that for Josh :(
Onto the next chapter
| The SPAZtastic Lawlrus chapter 8 . 8/2/2010
Good chapter! I don't know what's up with Emma constantly getting hurt though, and I think the magic mixed into a sci-fi series is kinda throwing me off.
I liked the change between Josh's following and then skipping to Emma, that last line : "We'll have to try our best to hurry," Josh said grimly, "or else by the time we arrive, we may be too late.",
was well done. I didn't however, like that there wasn't any spacing or indication of the change in who we were following. It was just sort of like "josh blah blah -poof- Emma now, blah blah"
Is it stupid that I think Chris sounds hot? xD I think I have an evil fetish or something. Loool. Anyways, the thing about that is that you keep describing what people look like. Every once and a while is cool, but when everything Chris comes in, you talk about his golden eyes, then it's sort of like "..." Lol, I'm such a hypocrite. You should totally ignore me. Every time with Ryker it's like "omg, green eyes 3".
Ooh, I liked the part where he pretty much put a spell on her to make him love her. Pretty cliche, but still cute. Well done too, good description.
The little bit where Chris is thinking aloud, after Emma is sent to go get dressed, he uses the word "enchantment" four times in the little paragraph. I mean, I get that there aren't a lot of words for that besides like... "spell" but since you use it in one sentence, I think you can just say "it" for another sentence, and then use it again if you want. I don't know, lol, don't listen to me, I'm just... weird.
Same dealio with the change back to Josh's team. You need some sort of transition there. I usually use asterisks, coz I like the little stars (and real author's do it too, so it's gotta be okay).
Lol, Principal Kirkpatrick screeched. That's pretty funny to picture.
-as you can see, I'm reviewing as I read, so I remember my thoughts-
You did the same thing with Josh (eye colour thing), I'm just pointing it out for you to notice. Don't bother thinking anything of it, because I have absolutely no right to tell you not to. xD
-He looked deep into his son's eyes, seeing the deep truth in them.- maybe a different word than deep for the second time (or first)?
I highly doubt Principal K would be like "finee, go." Josh is 16 and his only son. It's more likely that he'd send an actual rescue team of trained professional adults to save a princess, and Josh and his team sneak out. A lot of adults don't take young love seriously, they think of it more as a faze, that they'll grow out of.
"He grimaced, his eyes flashing in cold anger." Ooh, I liked that line, very good.
Rawrrr, there's another transition needed, but I like the intensity of this chapter.
"After all, your powers should be restored soon, and the Alphaspark ever harm his beloved princess, even if she becomes my queen." ... huh? I think we're missing a word there.
I like the side of Chris you're showing, it's good development of his character. I'm not sure how fond I am over the dramatic evil ending, but that's just me
Anyways, good job! I figured that since you gave me such long, detailed reviews, I should do the same for you!
Best of luck! I'll try to at least fit another chapter in today.. hopefully. Holy crapnuts, this review is long.
| The SPAZtastic Lawlrus chapter 7 . 7/31/2010
Wow! Violence! Awesome! Loved it, great chapter.
I don't know if it's just me, but I don't think Chris is actually in love with Emma (not because he's trying to kill her) but because I think (personally) that he just loves the thought of her, not her as an actual person, and probably just thinks she's hot. Silly evil people. xD
| The SPAZtastic Lawlrus chapter 6 . 7/31/2010
Oooh! I loved the ending, that was fantastic! The entire chapter was quite good though! I don't have any criticism!
I especially loved the title of the chapter in relation to the actual chapter, it was great.
| The SPAZtastic Lawlrus chapter 5 . 7/31/2010
FLUUUUUFFF, FLUUUUFFFFFFFF. God, that was so cute 3! N'aweeh, he got rejected. I laughed at him even while I was disappointed.
I love the description you gave for the enchanted flute, that was well thought out and I appreciated the explanation.
Emma and Josh are sooooo cute together!
| The SPAZtastic Lawlrus chapter 4 . 7/30/2010
I-I couldn't resist, your story is addicting. I'll blame my tiredness in the morning on you. xD
Very good writing, I don't think I found any mistakes and if I did, I've already forgotten them.
Awweh, Josh and Emma are super cute together, I love how you are throwing them at each other, and how Josh is even denying his feelings for her. I hate it when it's like "Omg, I just met you and I love you!" -facepalm-
I'm still not so sure about the whole magic thing, but I think you're doing it well. The fairy wings part (in chapter ... one, i think) made me cry a little inside though. I'm just not a magic person, I suppose.
The only other problem I had with this was A) them sleeping in the same room without a chaperone. I cannot possibly see a brother going "hey, horny sixteen year old boy, sleep in the same room with my baby sister who happens to be a super important princess!" xD Dramatization, obvs, but you get my point.
Annnd, lastly, the relationship between Emma and her brother. Close sibling relationships always make me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but I think there's is almost too much. I mean, he's only what, a year or two older than her and he treats her more like a daughter, or that he's much older than he is. I'm sure the reason is that he's had so much responsibility and losing their parents probably brought them together but I just really have my brother and my's relationship to go on and it's nothing like that. LOL. He's about four years older than me and we constantly call each other names and love insulting each other. We actually are always on great terms with each other, we rarely get angry.
I'm definitely thinking that the reason I mentioned before is probably why they have such a great relationship (I'm getting pretty sick of having to type out that word constantly, lol). So yeah... just ignore, I'm crazy.
Great writing still! :]
| The SPAZtastic Lawlrus chapter 3 . 7/30/2010
Josh met the eyes of his father and said, "She's back on Planet Alasparx. She sacrificed her own safety to save us. It seems there was more to the problem than we expected, and we were unable to complete our mission because of our lack of knowledge on the situation." - I think that's something more Brett would say. I think the way it's said is a little too... serious/smart for Josh.
Principal K looked at him gravely. - You used grave to describe the expression on his face not too long ago, maybe something instead like "soberly" or "seriously" or "solemnly" or "grimly" I don't know. I'm just suggesting stuff, you are under absolutely no obligation to listen to me thought, I mean, what do I know? Seriously... what do I know? I can barely add single digit numbers. I can recite about forty digits of pi from memory though. I love knowing the useless.
Awwwwweeeh, that bit where Josh's dad asks if he has feelings for her. That's so cutee. :D
I really think you captured the characters quite well. Besides that one part, everyone seems very in character.
Ohmygosh. The prophecy gave me tingles! That was brilliant! So eerie but fantastically written!
"She feels distain for him, and she knows that he's bad news for her planet" I don't know what distain is, but maybe you mean disdain?
I just wanted to point out that you describe Aaron's hair as being "Short, scruffy" twice in the space of a few paragraphs, maybe switching it up or getting rid of it entirely the second time?
Anyways, other than that, great job! I really liked how Yoko asked Aaron if he had a girlfriend, that was a nice touch, totally her! :P
Anyways, sorry for the long review. If you don't want me to continue reviewing, I can read quietly in the corner too. xD Don't be afraid to tell me that my opinions aren't welcome, coz I'm not a sensitive person, not really. I'm too happy to be sensitive.
| The SPAZtastic Lawlrus chapter 2 . 7/30/2010
How cute! I've only read the first two chapters but I see that you clearly have a knack for the cute/romantic. I especially love the "I'll keep you warm." Made me giggle. xD
I enjoy your writing, it's very good. You're very talented. I'm actually writing my own Team Galaxy fanfic. I can't believe there are so few of them. Anyways, congrats on the awesome fanfic!
When I find the time, I'll definitely continue reading/reviewing! :]
| emma chapter 1 . 6/1/2010
where the hell is your chapter 22
| ShiningGalaxy chapter 20 . 2/11/2010
Oh wow! This chapter was beautifully written! (well the whole story was) I loved it XD
I'm glad that Josh and Emma made up. Josh...please...please...don't do something stupid!
Please update soon...
OH yeah before I forget...I requested that they put characters to put (you know when you upload a story you pick charrys...well I asked the admins to do...and they did. just thought I'd let you know :)
| Migido667 chapter 19 . 12/27/2009
Just update soon ;)
I've got the feeling it's getting really exciting again!
| ShiningGalaxy chapter 19 . 12/24/2009
OUCH! I can see why they're angry at the marshalls, I mean come on they did do something stupid. I hope that they will be able to forgive them for their stupidity, at least they're all alive I feel bad for Emma, all those painkillers she's on. She's being to damned stupid too for taking so many!