|Reviews for Whirlwind Chronicles|
| FictionReader98 chapter 2 . 10/24/2009
An average chapter. Truthfully, I found it pleasing in some portions and... lacking in others.
Well, first off, I think the things I like most in this chapter was the Sand portions. It was nice to see what their preparations were and how extensive they were. Though if they really were expecting the unexpected, they should had considered other methods of approach. Namely a strike from underground, instead of just concentrating on the gates or air.
So 400 ninja were guarding the gates. Approximately 100 per gate. Makes me wonder how Yura could kill so many. Especially in secrecy like that. It's not exactly a small thing.
Speaking of Yura, his role I found the most surprising in the chapter. As opposed to a sleeper agent, he's forced against his will to betray the village. Interesting and I wonder how this will affect things.
Well moving on, there were three things I found lacking in this chapter. The first was Hinata's explaination on Team 7. Hiashi requested her to. That's it? Why? Why Team 7? It's been inactive for years. And why does he want Hinata on Team 7? What's that offer her that she can't get from another team that she can't get from Team 10, Gai (who has a Jonin Hyuga on it) or even her own team?
The second was the 'He was going to take a page out of Naruto’s book, since like his fellow Jinchuuriki, he had absolutely massive chakra reserves.' line. I found nothing in the chapter that even hinted at what Gaara meant. That's, to be blunt, annoying. Not something I approve of.
The final thing was Naruto's "Impressive plans" from the Bell Test. What did he do exactly? The only on screen stuff we found was adequate, but certainly not impressive. Especially when they didn't work, that includes any offscreen plans. Kakashi was still going on for hours, until Naruto used the 'unconventional' method. None of this justifies the praise Tsunade gave him.
This also leads me to the one problem I had with the chapter: Naruto's promotion. Tsunade states that his plans and leadership were the reason, but as said: his plans were basic in nature and his leadership just redundimentary. Very little stood out. The test was also how they could work together as a team, meaning all three of them, not Naruto solely.
I get the distinct impression he was promoted more out of favoritism from Tsunade than actual skill displayed. And that wouldn't surprise me in the least. So in short: I neither like nor approve of this move.
With that said, I did enjoy hearing the expanding alliances. So both Cloud and Mist. Though Cloud allying simply because Killer Bee said "Bygones be bygones"... that's a really simplistic reason to form an alliance. Mist was more interesting: refused, Tsunade kicked the Mizukage's butt and now they're in. That has so much potential because I imagine Mist could be very bitter about it: They were made to join, not compelled to. That can be handled in so many ways.
Two things about it that I did find curious. Leaf didn't even make an attempt to contact Rock, even though they did with Cloud which was also an old enemy. Rather suggestive of Leaf and not in a good way. The other was Rain. In canon, they went through great lengths to hide their Civil War. Tsunade wasn't even aware of the trouble until Jiraiya told her and even that information was out of date. Here, it's public knowledge. Very interesting indeed.
So Yugito is in the village with her own genin team. I wonder if Naruto or Yugito is going to realize they are both Jinchuuriki. Yugito's status isn't a secret in Cloud. I also wonder who her students are.
Hinata's Chunin Examn retelling was nice. I wonder how the others got promoted.
Couple spelling mistakes here and there. A nice effort on this chapter and I look forward to the next one.
| Lightsnake chapter 2 . 10/24/2009
Nice work with this chapter, hope to see more with Kumo expanded upon. Nice nod to Hinata's childhood there, too. The fight with Gaara was well done-especially Deidara's internal monologue. Not much else to say there...keep up the good work.
| T-Biggz chapter 2 . 10/24/2009
Plz don't let Shukaku get extracted, I wanna see him suffer and go Fuckin NUTZ! XD
| Rose Tiger chapter 2 . 10/24/2009
I love the naruhina moment. Not much, but cute. Please keep going.
| Malix2 chapter 2 . 10/24/2009
Great new chapter, keep up the awesome work. :)
| The Hunter of Artemis chapter 2 . 10/24/2009
| JAIMOL chapter 2 . 10/24/2009
A change in the story that I liked it. Let's see how the emergence takes Naruto Akatsuki.
| Dust-in chapter 1 . 6/30/2009
Hey I like where this is going so you update and I'll R&R.
| The Gandhara chapter 1 . 6/24/2009
It's a very decent beginning, but I see two details that could be improved, in my opinion.
First, give a good reason for Hinata to be in Naruto's team. The Hokage wouldn't transfer her, breaking Kurenai's old team, just because Kakashi asked.
Second, change the ending to the new bell test. If they defeat Kakashi exactly the same way the did in the original, when Hinata wasn't there to help them, then her pressence and apportations become shallow.
| JC chapter 1 . 5/19/2009
Good to known.
This a Great start.
I hope you will Update Bending the Jutsu soon.
| readingandrelaxing chapter 1 . 5/16/2009
BOTH; HURRY UP WIT THA NEXT CHAP THIS STORY IS AWSOME
| SheLovesWhatSheWants chapter 1 . 4/10/2009
So far, it's a pretty good intro, for it capture's the reader's interest. You keep in line with the canon world, while giving it some new ideas at the same time. The ideas you write for the canon universe haven't gone out of bounds, and you want to explore more with the characters. I'm curious to see how Team 7 will act in future chapters with Hinata on their group, and I hope you explore more into Hinata's qualities. Plus, giving each team their own story arc to focus on them is a magnificent idea, because character development is something we've been lacking in the Naruto world lately.
However, some of your spelling needs to be fixed, but it's nothing big. Also, I'm on par with FictionReader98 about Hinata's acceptance. You need to explain it a bit more, just so we can get a clear understanding. And keep writing! :)
| Sima Yi chapter 1 . 4/10/2009
An impresive story keep that up.
| Lawlizilla chapter 1 . 4/9/2009
Great story i cant wait for the next chapter!
Just an innocent question:
When are you writing the sequel for Bending the Jutsu?
| Gravity The Wizard chapter 1 . 4/9/2009