|Reviews for White Fire|
| wolfxdemonxgirl chapter 3 . 7/19/2012
I really like this story,though I wish they were long. :0 post another soon?:3
| chibiraistgaaravamp chapter 3 . 6/4/2009
you remind me of a friend of mine...*offers a plater of cookies and a plater of tacos*...now lets see what you are...
| chibiraistgaaravamp chapter 2 . 6/4/2009
i have tiny ninja monkeysXD and i bet yours could take out at least ninety of mine, but ive got thousands...*shrug* anyway,i like what youve got going here, but why such short chapters?
| chibiraistgaaravamp chapter 1 . 6/4/2009
your fun. and i dont have one singlewhole soul. its spread throughout 5 different people so meh-neh XP
| Because Love is WAY Over-rated chapter 3 . 4/11/2009
'He is blonde after all' what is that supposed to mean? I'm blonde n like top of my class thank you very much. No worries, though, no hurt feelings. I get that stuff all the time :)
Anyway, the chapter was longer which was good and you added in some background details which is also mucho good (hahaha my poor attepmts at spanish) Um some of the things are a little confusing like what Itachi has to do with any of this, but I'm sure that you'll clear all that up as the story goes on.
| Because Love is WAY Over-rated chapter 2 . 4/10/2009
I have to say that I liked this chapter more than the first one though I can't really place exactly why. It's probably because I enjoy some good angst and I love a good heart break/break up since it always makes for something good later :) Yes, I have a very twisted mind; you don't even know a third of it.
Anyway, once again, make it longer and all that jazz. Dialouge was good and I like that you said 'Sasuke's face crumpled' because it was a good description. To keep tabs on you so that I can leave you my thoughts throughout your story, I shall add this to alerts.
So be expecting more of me boy. You asked for it and now you've got it. If you no longer want it, you'll have to pay me five bucks. I'm serious :)
You've got a good start, just need to maybe lengthen it and add in some more background details to make readers more attached.
| Because Love is WAY Over-rated chapter 1 . 4/10/2009
So you asked me to read your story and alas! I have come :) yey. anyway, the chapter is extremely short leaving someone to read the whole story in maybe 5 minutes which isn't usually the best thing. If someone reads your story that quickly, it's likely that they won't remember it as much; or at least that what I find when reading. So as a suggestion, I would try and make chapter three at least two pages long (that is if you're using microsoft Word to type it up. I'm not sure about how long things appear on other software).
But I have good news too! You do your description rather well and I like that you don't have 'said' after every bit of dialouge and even sometimes an emotion afterwards. Though when a new person starts speaking, a new line/paragraph should begin otherwise if you have too much speaking in one place it becomes kinda hard to read especially if all the talking becomes long.
Wow... this is a rather long review, but I have a tendencey for over writings which is sometimes good... but also sometimes bad. I blame my mother -_-
Anyway, off I go to read the next chapter which I shall review as well :)