Reviews for The Cullen Family Players Present
betheany chapter 5 . 5/1/2009
mah head asploded along with the house, the bus, and the plane. KABLOOEY! There's too much to list, just know that the entire thing was EPIC FUCKING WIN.
TabithaAbraham chapter 5 . 5/1/2009
Absolutely Fabulous! So many puns and inside jokes ... I love that you are still f-in with the 'audience' with the A/N in the middle of the story. Yeah for Mr Sparkly-pants and Miss Understood Bella. Funnier than s**t. Thx, k1p2
killerlashes chapter 5 . 5/1/2009
Only you, m'dear, could manage to make major pop-culture touchstones dovetail so smoothly, yet so hilaribly WRONGLY. To wit:

"Also, because of this stupid bus thing, I missed Second Whacking. It’s just about time for Elevenses, so I thought, two birds with one hand.”

And also, James's singalong (is Bette Midler gonna play him in the movie version of the story-based-on-a-movie-and-a-story-which-was-also-turned-into-a-movie?); the Mick Feminazi (*snort...I may have to use that as an alias if I ever get into legal troubz); and Jacksper's love of (OMGUNICORNWTF)BBQ.

Thnx for the midday grins 'n' giggles!
TwirlGrrl chapter 5 . 5/1/2009
Ok, fewer/less was hilarious, but this?

"At the thought of Edward’s imminent departure, Bella starts speaking in spurts and grunts. “Huh? What? Are you ser— … uh … no … How? Uh … I don’t even know what you’re say— … no! No! You can’t … what? No, you can’t leave me!”"

Killed. Me. Ded.
MaleficentKnits chapter 5 . 5/1/2009
See ravelry... died d.e.d.

Love you bunches...
stilljustceci chapter 4 . 4/21/2009
HA! Awesome, awesome. The eBay stuff was total win. A WOULD DEFINITELY WATCH EXPLODE AGAIN! Lauren's ribs being nibbled by vultures. Newton spouting Newton's Laws of Physics. I'm dyin'. I'll never be able to bid on eBay again without giggling.
squibstitcher chapter 1 . 4/20/2009
Bwahahaha! WIN! That was just what I needed to read after so much angst. I'm not much of a bacon fan, myself, but it was totes teh funneh ;) And now, like the fat man at a buffet says, "On to round two..."
CarminMoon chapter 4 . 4/20/2009
I can't stop laughing, and I durn near peed my pants and my dog thinks I'm touched in the head like Bella.
dihenydd chapter 4 . 4/20/2009
Sorry I haven't time to review much today but I need to tell you you keep me sane. I know that sounds a bit skew considering the fic in question but since you seem to update just after Blue you save me going bonkers. I laugh so much it blows away the blues. I can't believe one person is so erudite, witty and complete off her head!

Thanks for te words bb.
shalu chapter 4 . 4/20/2009
“Well, if you don’t shut it, I’m going to subject you to McCarty’s Laws of I Beat the Crap out of You.”

gah, this is just a cherryWIN on the sundae of WIN that is Feisty's CullenPlayers. LM-BittyDED was delishus and my only question is "Das ist alles?" but A/N: YOU IS AWSUM. I NO I SAY DIS LOTS, BUT U IS. I can't waits for mores.
ppinecone chapter 4 . 4/20/2009
God, I love Cullen's sparkly macho bullshit! His uptightness makes me all a pitter patter like subtle Bella.

And asshole-granny-on-ebay getting blown up was so satisfying! Lauren!

And yes, that jump never made any fucking sense to me either!

Fav line: “Excuse me, ma’am, this may seem a bit odd, but do you by chance have an interest in small, squirrel-sized clothing?”
Victoria13notquitethesecond chapter 4 . 4/20/2009
squirrel Lederhosen? that's just all kinds of awesome! lol
adoraklutz chapter 4 . 4/20/2009
Oh you kill me Feisty! I was not just laughing out loud, but cackling and nearly snorting! The fact that you can write this *and* FY is just amazing. So much talent!

The laugh-out-loudingist quotes:

“This is no time for your sparkly macho bullshit, Cullen.”

“I’m not giving you sparkly macho bullsh—hey, I don’t sparkle!” he says petulantly.

A/N: Omigod, can you believe some people are so sensitive? Is it, like, his time of the month or something?

A/N to the A/N: Omigod I’m totes not saying Carlisle is secretly a woman just because I insinuated that he was on his period.

“Knock-knock, Neo.”

(This is where I really lost it!)


At the mention of his eBay username, Edward’s ears perk up. He sidles up to the woman and puts on his most dazzling smile. “Excuse me, ma’am, this may seem a bit odd, but do you by chance have an interest in small, squirrel-sized clothing?”

and their baby goes on to invent Toaster Streudel, LOLZ!

Edward runs back to the front to get a better look. He checks himself for feelings of guilt: none. He looks out the open bus door as bits of Lauren Mallory aka SqrlGrl continue to rain down. Edward thinks, “A WOULD DEFINITELY WATCH EXPLODE AGAIN!”

A big hunk of, well, probably her torso, lands in the shoulder of the highway. A pack of wild dogs starts snacking on the remains of Lauren Mallory. Several vultures swoop down and perch on her exposed ribs and peck away as well.

Bella is still a mess. It’s not really about that old saggy-titted broad, who smelled like a walking STD.


“Das ist alles?” asks some German person we haven’t met yet, just because I wanted to throw some German in there.

But … physics!

(My battle cry!)

Emmett stands up and begins walking toward the Newton. “Well, if you don’t shut it, I’m going to subject you to McCarty’s Laws of I Beat the Crap out of You.”

Squirrel Lederhosen NWT.

(LOL. It would not surprise me at all if there was somewhere that sold squirrel lederhosen with tags, so that they could then be listed as NWT.)
AzureEyedI chapter 4 . 4/20/2009
NWT Squirell Lederhosen! OMG, Best Breakfast Reading Evah!
Bookworm-xxx chapter 4 . 4/20/2009
I love this. It's very funny. I knew it was based on speed the moment I heard Pop quiz, what do you do? Believe it or not I watched the movie only last week. It's all still fresh in my memory. :D Anyway,well done. Can't wait for next chapter.
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