|Reviews for The Monster Within Us All|
| bobbyneko chapter 15 . 12/11/2015
This fic is love
| OiCommanderJuice chapter 15 . 8/16/2011
I was really liking this story. I don't really see anything wrong with it. It's really different and keeping my attention. I was really excited that the characters were like involved in a space fleet. I'm a sucker for scifi so it's really cool. I was really looking forward to how the relationship with Taichi and Koushiro would turn out in this. It sucks that Yamato was murdered but was real interesting when you brought another sibling into the story, which of course we all know Takeru is his bro. Who cares it's your story I think its great. As for you re-writing it, I don't see why, but I kinda do. I don't know, I think its great. I've been wanting to see someone come up with some crazy scifi thing involving the digi characters. Over all you have done very good, your writing is good and so it the story line. I hope to see what comes of this.
| NerdTypeZ chapter 14 . 4/17/2011
I very much liked this chapter, and while I think I'd like to read more about the tamers and their Akkatarian invasion exploits, wrapping it up here does seem appropriate. I'm glad you're getting back to the task at hand...sort of (I thought Takato was part of the main plot. But maybe that's the "bit off more than you could chew" part of the story coming through).
Nice dialogue choices. And I'm glad that, even in the darkness of this situation, the mood lightened a little. The Davis and Izzy scene was probably my favorite of the chapter, though seeing Kazu kick some ass was a joy as well.
Keep up the good work, mate.
| Kitai-Anom chapter 13 . 4/16/2011
Figured I should write a review since this story isn't getting as many as I think it should.
I was quite surprised when coming back to read some Digimon fics that I saw your story was updated because I was a fan of it when you discontinued it. I have to agree with SallyGirl about the couple part because I'm a person like that myself. That being said, the fact you managed to draw me in despite that is a fact that's impressive and I was acutally excited to see this story continuing and jumped to go read it.
I like what you have going with this and I have a dying curiosity to see how it will end. I have to say, my favorite part of this is the fact you have character death, as odd as that may sound. It's hard to find writers who can pull it off and actually have a good death counter when events really should lead to someone's death. So that was really different and I think is a plus but I know a lot of people out there are probably prone to disagreeing ;
I like your characters as well and no one seems out of character which is also an impressive feat. Although (and it pains me to say this) if you're not happy with this story, don't force yourself to write it. A lot of the time writing a story you don't have interest in will make it worse than if you left it uncontinued. I'm quite happy with how the story is but if you feel you need to re-write it then do so. Most improtantly, thank you for continuing. Even if you stopped now, I enjoyed the extra chapters
| SallyGirl chapter 13 . 4/5/2011
I'm glad to see that you are back! I still love this story, and I really can't wait until it progresses further. I hope you continue, because I'm really curious to see how this all turns out. You have interesting stories going on, my worry is that the more characters you bring in, the less of a digimon fanfiction this really becomes. I was happy to see more of Tai's character in the last chapter, and it great to see Sora beginning to pay a bigger role in this story.
Overall, I'm just excited to see you continue with this. I know you want more reviews, and I'll do my best to keep reviewing your story. Although this website is about posting a person's creative thoughts through a literary medium, a vast majority of people are just looking for romance stories that only feature their favorite couple. This is why I think you may be struggling with reviews, because despite the adventure genre that Digimon is, not as many people go searching in those categories.
I hope this review helps somewhat, and I wish you the best in writing your stories.
| NerdTypeZ chapter 13 . 4/4/2011
Been a long time for you and a long time for me, my friend. I really enjoyed this one, though I'm noticing a certain lack of physical description. There's plenty of mental work going on, and lots of emotion, but there is a lack of tangibility to the last two chapters. I think it's probably just due to a long time between writing. Something I, unfortunately, have gone through lately as well.
From a creative and story-based perspective, this last chapter is gold. The little "God Matrix" drop in 12 was fun, but going all-out with it in this chapter really did it for me. I can't wait to see how this all works out.
The only problem I'm really having, from a story perspective, is that you're juggling a lot of stories (again, something with which I have unfortunate experience) at once. The whole thing with Matt and Akira, the Takato deal. Hypnos and Section 1. Micaroshi now, and this whole thing with Jake being a potential drug addict. Throw all the character issues from the beginning in (Tai and Izzy, old war buddies, that sort of thing) and you've got an over-seasoned story soup.
This story began as a fun and interesting mixture of Digimon, Star Trek and Firefly. Unfortunately, it seems to be devolving into dark drama action schlock (schlock can be a good thing. Firefly is schlock. Star Trek is schlock). It's lost some of its fun.
This most recent chapter brought some back. I see hope in Tai's section here, as well as TK's section in chapter 12. I think a trip back to our fun characters is in order. The situation right now is anything but fun. We need some lightness, maybe even some humor, in the darkness. Tai's single word, "Bulls#!t", made me smile regardless of the shadows surrounding him. Everything is going to hell and I find myself wondering whether TK and Davis will meet up again.
There's no fun here.
I want the fun back.
Great work so far. Whether you write a third draft or not, you've got a great hand, and a great mind. You get it. You understand grammar and flow and you have a great literary voice.
Regardless of how you do it, keep up the good work.
| SallyGirl chapter 12 . 11/14/2010
I wish I had discovered this story when it was first published, because it's sad that I finally find a great story (great within characters, story line, and writing) to see that it will not be continued.
I do wish that you would continue this story, especially since the last chapter gave the possibility of bringing back Matt. Nevertheless, it's always fun to see these characters in totally different settings and you have done this very well. The characters personalities are still intact from their rightful seasons and the OC's blend in well with them. Usually I do not like original characters (mostly because the author always tries to make that character into him/herself) or for that matter characters really outside of season 1 and 2, and I will tend to skip or skim through chapters that do not involve the characters that I do like. However, I found myself unable to do this, because the story really caught me.
All in all, this is definitely one of the better fanfictions I have come across and one that does well of deviating from the dominating romance fics. Again, I just wish I had found this story earlier, and I still hope that you will continue with it.
| Goggleboy4444 chapter 9 . 4/12/2010
First off you deserve an apology, I told you I'd get this done a week ago and I didn't. Though literally the second I finished sending the email to you I learned that one of my family members had passed away and we were flying out in six hours to make the funeral. It's been a hectic week and I've been blowing off your review until I had a free half an hour or so to do it.
Anyway enough excuses, let me give you what you wanted.
Honestly, I am incredibly impressed. I think your talent shone through in this chapter more than any of your previous ones. I am not sure whether it was the extra time you took to write this chapter, a scene that you had passion for, or just your growth going unnoticed by me, though none the less I liked this scene significantly more than the others. I have always enjoyed your chapters, but I think this was the first one that truly captivated me. Though while your story certainly captured my attention I still noticed some flaws on my second read through.
I read Beast's review to see what he noticed after I read it, and I share his two issues with the chapter. I have a third though, which I will share in just a minute.
First off your introduction of Willis was so blunt I was actually confused if you were talking about the same guy Sora was talking too. His original introduction from Sora's perspective was a bit shaky to start. Now granted the dialogue between Sora and Willis is probably the greatest part of the chapter. The line "Self-Preservation" was simply perfect. Though the way he suddenly appeared in Sora's line of vision, unnoticed before, irritated me. You could argue she is to captivated by Matt's eventual demise to notice Willis. Though at the very least use that moment to describe who he was. Subtly hint at who he might be, (I think beast nails it when he says to describe him as a tall blonde man, it gives a way very little, while giving away a lot at the same time. The fact that you hide his identity like a man behind a mask at first, and then give away who he is just as quickly really takes away from the story. You might as well put an authors note in bold letters saying "just so you know, its willis!"
On the other hand I think you adjusted the story since Beast read it to fix the ending. It seems different than he described. I really think you should have ended it at a cliff hanger.
"Akira lowered the pistol slowly. His face stern, but otherwise free of emotion, no sadness, no remorse, no satisfaction. Nothing, and that was what scared him the most. He felt absolutely nothing after just killing his brother.
It was over. Matt was dead."
That is how this chapter should end, this is fanfiction and cliffhanger are what make a story great. Of course when your reading a novel with a cliff hanger at the end of a chapter you can simply read the next page. In fanfiction the reader is forced to wait, and when you get the next chapter its like Christmas when that cliffhanger gets settled. I don't know if you follow naruto like I do, but I always wake up on Friday with a smile because I know the latest chapter of the manga has been posted online.
I think of it like this. Your at a party trying to get everybody's attention, you notice a ballon floating to your left. You have two choices, do you poke a hole in the ballon and let the air seep out slowly? Or do you pop the ballon? In this situation the way you end it, softens the shock of Matt's death. His death deserves the reaction of a cliff hanger. So end it with a bang.
Finally the third point I want to make is that you often break the number one rule of writing. Show, don't Tell. Let me give two examples that I use alot.
This is an exaggerated example of telling, (don't worry you are nowhere near this bad...XD)
"Carey ate breakfast, then he took a shower and went to the store. At the store he met a girl and they talked for a long time. Carey liked her but she blew him off. Then he went home."
This is an example of showing;
"Carey studied the frozen dinners. He'd had turkey and dressing for the last four days, so salisbury steak would be good for a change. But did he want the Big Man's or the regular?
A scent teased his nose. Not the overwhelming smell of fish and frostbite, but a fresh smell, like the smell of skin just out of the shower. He glanced sideways and saw the most perfect arm he'd ever seen in his life. Long, slender, graceful, full of sinewy muscle and smooth skin. His eyes followed the arm to the shoulder and then the head. Her head. A head covered with long blond hair and containing a face that made his heart stop.
"Hi," she said, her voice rich and melodious.
Carey's mouth didn't work. He tried to return her greeting, but only a grunt came out. He tried to smile politely, but his face erupted with a grin as large and toothy and goofy as a cartoon character's"
I mean the difference is obvious, you have much more vivid description of the character if you show us what is going on. Instead saying that Davis is courageous put him in a scene where he risks his life to save somebody else's. Instead of calling Matt a great friend have him go on a lengthy trip to the mall to buy Tai a pair of goggles on his birthday. Not only do you add length to your semi short chapters with out advancing to far into the plot, you also have characters connect with a reader on a personal level. Giving a situation speaks alot louder than using a narrator to loosely sum up a person.
Anyway, I hope that sums up what I am trying to say...
Jeez look at the time that took me a hour XD...
| NerdTypeZ chapter 9 . 4/4/2010
I only have two real issues with this chapter.
The first is that you describe Willis as "it was Willis." You then state that Sora has no idea who he is, and then use his name to describe his dialogue. If It's from Sora's perspective, and she has no idea who Willis is, then we have no idea who Willis is. Otherwise, you're just saying "Oh, by the way readers, it's Willis. Just thought I'd let you know." It takes away from the story. Describe him as a "stern faced blonde man" or something. There are really only two possibilities at that point: TK or Willis, and based on the fact that he isn't jumping in, we can deduce Willis from that information.
The second bit is that you left it on a cliffhanger, which I can understand to a degree. It adds tension and keeps us wanting more. But in this instance, I think it would have been more appropriate to finish the scene. If he kills Matt, then we can end with more tension on Sora's end as she's dragged away by Matt's killer to meet someone named "Jake." If Matt somehow pulls something out of his ass, then the tension is resolved for the most part, though we still have this mysterious "Jake" character.
Note: I say mysterious from their perspectives. Obviously we, as readers, know who Jake is.
Other than that, I thought you pulled it off wonderfully. It all flowed together nicely and the flashbacks were well done. I must say that I was shocked to learn that the Akira incident occurred when they were children. I thought it would have been later, in their teenage years or twenties.
Keep up the good work,
| NerdTypeZ chapter 8 . 11/19/2009
Very nice. I keep enjoying the characters from the different seasons showing up. Very nice Kenta.
As for the bomb at the end of the story. I loved it. That's the point of fanfiction, isn't it? To go beyond the standard story, make a world you so admire your own. And you're doing a great job of that.
Congrats on this chapter. Can't wait for the next.
| goggleboy4444 chapter 8 . 11/19/2009
First off, thank you ever so much for the recommendation, it really means alot. I'm not sure if it is the truth or you being nice, but I will take it either way. I am curious how far your into it now, I might make references to things I do sometimes which would not help you if you had not read that.
Enough about me though, onto this chapter. I should probably start at the top , but I won't. I think you were expecting this twist to be much bigger than it was, I certainly was. I mean it was cool, made me say neato, but wasn't to the point of mind blowing that I kind of was expecting. Two reasons, one of which you can't help. The first was the twist itself. I was more surprised by Cody's death (sorry that I keep bringing up that XD)than by this twist. Again, cool but not quite epic yet. I think you could have gotten a lot closer to epic if you built it up a bit more. Personally I would have done that entire scene from Matt's point of view. It would just add some dramatic effect that was lacking.
Anyway, back to the top.
I am always impressed by your vision, and your description of Mutara and its ships only increased by respect. For me that is like getting the extra credit right on a test. It shows you are passionate, that you think before you write.
I'm looking through this and I am really ok with each individual scene, my real complaint is with the chapter as a whole. SO MANY CHARACTERS MY HEAD HURTS! Well I don't know, I mean its really easy to keep track of Jake, Tommy, and the Digidestined, but some of the others I get the names mixed up. Shrugs. I wan't to blame it mostly on me for not being as big picture as I might need to be for this story. Though I think you occasionally need to reintroduce some people subtly.
I am looking forward to the next chapter, I will admit that. Curious about this whole section 1 stuff.
Btw, Devian art stuff, props bro, really nice stuff. I liked the Section 1 Armour alot, very spiffy.
| goggleboy4444 chapter 7 . 11/19/2009
My bad bro, I wasn't expecting another chapter for awhile so I did not bother looking. PM me if you want, asking for a review, I won't think any less of you. Simply put, when you post let me know.
As for this chapter, short, sweet and to the point. Nothing fantastic, nothing down right awful. I appreciate that you took my advice on the whole Cody not getting a scene thing. I don't think you did Cody justice, but I think you did your story justice by adding that little tid bit. (You have to know, I am not a huge Cody fan, I just think that any DD character deserves a well written death.)
One question, If Section 2 called themselves Section 2, wouldn't they assume there would be a Section 1? Not really invisible if that's the case.
Anyway I'll move on to the real chapter.
| NerdTypeZ chapter 7 . 11/6/2009
I quite enjoyed this one, though you did miss one transition bar after the last Takato section. I also looked at your deviantart page. Love the armor on the S1 characters. Interesting that they're bringing in so many new candidates to section 1. It seemed like a much smaller group than that. Of course, I could be wrong.
Keep up the great work. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
| goggleboy4444 chapter 6 . 11/4/2009
Ok, I got the biggest kick out of this chapter ever. Seriously, once I read your author's note, which said that you had put Jake and Tommy in there my jaw dropped. Your my hero for doing that. Beast told me nothing of this and I can't deny I was duly impressed with your initiative. Great idea, I loved it before you started, and I loved it after your finished. I read every bit of Beast's work, and it was incredibly enjoyable for me personally to see two of his original characters used in another story, and by another author.
I think you did the relationship between those two characters very well. Jake kept his genius standing, ever knowing, constantly teaching. Yet you had a great balance with Tommy, most authors would neglect his intellect to make Jake seem smart. You showed perception, making him seem intelligent enough to be part of this section 1 by having him partially answer questions ect. Yet he did not outshine Jake the Wise. Masterfully done, you did a fantastic job with them.
Finally this thing seems to have a direction. It feels so much better now that I think we are heading towards something. I wish this had been the first chapter, it would have fit a lot better in my mind. The first five chapters were well executed, but they just were individual stories tied together. Not a plot heading towards an ending.
I am amazed how many things you tied together in this chapter. The Hypnos, two new great lead characters, this whole Nazi segment, the Vonnengan, and the whole direction your taking this story. It caught me by surprise how deep this thing really runs. I think Beast said it best; "He's also very honest. He's writing what he knows. He's not trying to do something he's unfamiliar with and it really shines through." You stick to what you know, and tie it together under one common thread. You don't do something crazy with your characters.
I've been very complimentary so far and you deserve it this is a fantastic chapter, but on to some criticism. Your first paragraph is a chunk of text from hell on the eyes. We have discussed your issues with setting and description. This is you trying to hard to early. First off that paragraph was impossible for my 20/20 vision to decipher until I put it into Microsoft word tripled the size and double spaced it. Normal readers are just going to look at that thing and say fuck it and either scroll down and skip, or worse, push backspace.
The problem with setting and description in this chapter is that you do it ALL in this huge paragraph. What you should do is describe each character as they talk. You provide a description for the talking person, that way I don't have to scroll back and learn what X person is wearing to understand the context of what he is saying. My general outline is this.
Describe The Setting
Character A talks
Describe Character A
Character B responds
Describe Character B
Each of these things should be separated by a line break and not be half a page long. If something happens all of the sudden, for example a giant Vortex comes out of nowhere here is what you do.
Describe the Vortex and its affects on the scenery
Character A Screams
Describe what is happening to Character A
Character B lets out one last growl before his death.
Describe what happens to Character B.
Its pretty simple and allows the reader to follow a simple pattern. Granted these things are interchangeable, just don't combine any two segments. Don't describe Character A and B at the same time, unless you absolutely have to, and try not to describe the setting while describing a character unless you break it up.
I guess my final complaint is; WHY DID YOU KILL CODY LIKE THAT! So lame. Seriously. At least do the guy some justice and give him a death scene. I hope you do give him a fair death really lame if you don't!
Well I hope this satisfy your review requirement, sorry if it is a little short I still am busy.
Anyway all the best,
P.S. do me a favor and call Thomas Tommy from now on? Its fine if you don't but it was like nails on a chalkboard for me while i was reading.
| NerdTypeZ chapter 6 . 11/2/2009
Well you definitely did them justice, and for that I thank you. Also, the little hint about Hypnos at the end was quite fun.
There's quite a few technical problems that I noticed. Paragraphs that should be there and aren't, Quite a few places without punctuation, etc.
It's too bad you killed Cody, but I guess it's the price we pay for good storytelling. I hope to see more of the old and more of the new as the story goes on. Congratulations and keep up the good work.