|Reviews for Silent Inaba|
| DiLost chapter 6 . 3/15/2011
Interesting twist to Persona 4, seems like a good story, hope you can update soon
| Jaaku-san chapter 6 . 2/25/2011
Well hello there new friend. I find I have a rather disturbing love for your lovely horror take on the game. I do hope you continue this. 3
| Granten chapter 6 . 1/21/2011
It's great to see this updated, creepy and strong. Hoping you can get to Personas soon. If you still need a beta you can register at The Fanfiction Forum (I can send the full address if you like) and ask for a beta there. In a pinch I can try but I'm not the best.
| Patcheresu chapter 6 . 1/16/2011
Everyone likes boobs!
| Granten chapter 5 . 7/11/2010
I'm glad to see that you're still writing this, it's one of the very few Persona fics that I enjoy reading. Are you planning a Persona fic uses a few themes from Silent Hill or a full crossover? Lastly, I'm doubtful about my abilities but if you're interested I can try to beta.
| Deep Space Cowgirl chapter 5 . 7/11/2010
Aaaaaaaand you just keep piling on the creepy. Fantastic. I like the alternate, darker TV world that the group ended up in so far. I also have to wonder what happened to Souji.:) Looking forward to the next chapter!
| BonusParts chapter 5 . 7/5/2010
Lots of very nice imagery throughout, especially as it relates to the TV World versus the real one. You've got a strong sense for description, notably regarding the contrast between waking and dreaming, and what is real and what is imagined.
I also really enjoy the characterizations - as Souji sees them, at any rate - of the supporting cast, so far. It's an interesting take on the early relationships: the biases, the first impressions. It will be fun to see if/how they change over the course of the mysteries. The bit about Yousuke and his headphones, and Souji's reaction to when he does and does not put them on, was a great example!
There were a couple of times when an extra word or missing punctuation made my reading eye stutter a bit, but I think a lot of that can be caught on additional read-throughs. Or, if you've got the patience, put the text away for a day or two and then read through it again, without distractions (music, etc.). Usually, with that rest, your eye is less likely to gloss over the errors it wouldn't catch during an immediate post-writing read-through.
If you're really interested in a Beta reader, you may want to search around in the Beta section on this site. There are a fair number of folks willing to look over work for the Megami Tensei/Persona Series sections. The only problem I've found with essentially anonymous Betas (meaning not someone in close proximity, with whom you can hash out details over lunch or whatever), is that you're a bit constrained by their schedules...especially if they are also writing. Of course, if you're the type of writer who doesn't worry about your update schedule, this may not be an issue. The good thing is that the plot, characterizations, motivations, and descriptions are all really solid...it's just the little punctuation details that sneak up on you sometimes.
This is strong, well-written stuff that deserves more attention on this site, and definitely a different take on all of the other "novelizations" (cue eye-roll) and rehashings around here.
| Deep Space Cowgirl chapter 4 . 6/6/2010
Hmm... interesting so far. I'm definately looking forward to new chapters.
| Patcheresu chapter 4 . 5/15/2010
I enjoy this story. I can't wait to see the major difference with this. Please update this for the sake of keeping good fanfiction ALIVE. Favorited and alerted.
| BonusParts chapter 4 . 4/21/2010
Whoa, so Inaba's got to contend with 2 supernatural problems?
This is written quite well overall, though there are some errors of extra words and misspellings/grammar issues. The problem is that, *because* this is written so well, those little things tend to stand out. For example, "it's" is a contraction for "it is", not the genitive of "it". And, it's just customary for Japanese people to say the surname/family name first, and the given name second, such as "Seta Souji" or "Hanamura Yousuke." It's not like having their name written on a report, which is what "Seta, Souji" reads like to me.
Unfortunately, these sorts of errors are not something that a spell checker will catch, so it really requires a second or third read-through, or a beta's eyes.
I don't mean for this to sound overly-critical, by the way. You've got a very strong style, and an extremely interesting take on the Persona 4 world: a mix of canonical and new plot that actually kind of fits. The characters - what little we've got to know about them - feel very much in-character, and Souji's perspectives on them are realistic, especially the way that you've portrayed him so far.
I'm really interested to see what you can do with this!
| terracannon876 chapter 4 . 4/20/2010
Wow. This really is turning into a much darker fic than the canon. I love how Yosuke is always called "the idiot" or something along those lines. Poor kid. Maybe Souji'll warm up to him later.
Thanks for the chapter )
| JWM chapter 4 . 4/20/2010
Interesting work, definitely adds a nicely disturbing theme to the story. Hope you update soon.
| Person With Many Aliases chapter 4 . 4/19/2010
Very glad you updated this. Finally getting into the SH side of things. Hope you keep it up. I really enjoyed what you've put out, and it's different than others.
| KaUiA chapter 3 . 11/2/2009
Is this a naoto/souji pairing?
I can't wait what's going to happen next?
| Lady Cheshire chapter 2 . 7/12/2009
I'll never understand how the really excellent and promising fanfics are so under-reviewed and why the crappy OC and Mary Sue filled fics are so popular. Beats me. Sorry for the rant, but this is a great story and it deserves to be read more. I hope you get the praise this story deserves.