|Reviews for Silent Inaba|
| Granten chapter 9 . 9/28/2012
New updates are always good, as is the look at how improbable the town is. How is Souji (or Yuu after the anime and P4 Arena) avoiding being affected by the drugs in the water? Also if you don't use The Fanfiction Forum there's also SpaceBattles, which is a much larger forum and where you might find betas (and a good amount of advice by people with lots of opinions).
| Jaakusan chapter 8 . 9/20/2012
Eeeee update eeeee 3 Whether Souji's eyes were gold because of the whole Shadow Self connection or just because Izanagi (I'm assuming that was Izanagi, anyway) has gold eyes himself, I love it. 3 Looking forward to more
| Aramaki chapter 8 . 5/30/2012
This is impressive. The horror aspects added to Persona 4 are such a good contrast to the normally bright-and-cheery universe. Even the original game's murder-mystery doesn't get as bad as this seems to in only a few chapters. Yosuke and Chie are very well done, and I like that Yosuke and Souji don't immediately click like they usually do. It took that trip into the TV to get the three of them to trust each other, and it seems like the bond is much deeper than their initial contact in the game.
I'm eagerly awaiting more - though I have a sneaking suspicion that at least one of the victims may not make it to their rescue.
I believe you won't disappoint. Good luck.
| Person With Many Aliases chapter 8 . 5/19/2012
Woah, it's been a while.
Still, it's original enough that even with the hiatus, the update is welcome.
| ADD Kyuubi Naruto chapter 6 . 5/5/2011
| DiLost chapter 6 . 3/15/2011
Interesting twist to Persona 4, seems like a good story, hope you can update soon
| Jaaku-san chapter 6 . 2/25/2011
Well hello there new friend. I find I have a rather disturbing love for your lovely horror take on the game. I do hope you continue this. 3
| Granten chapter 6 . 1/21/2011
It's great to see this updated, creepy and strong. Hoping you can get to Personas soon. If you still need a beta you can register at The Fanfiction Forum (I can send the full address if you like) and ask for a beta there. In a pinch I can try but I'm not the best.
| Patcheresu chapter 6 . 1/16/2011
Everyone likes boobs!
| Granten chapter 5 . 7/11/2010
I'm glad to see that you're still writing this, it's one of the very few Persona fics that I enjoy reading. Are you planning a Persona fic uses a few themes from Silent Hill or a full crossover? Lastly, I'm doubtful about my abilities but if you're interested I can try to beta.
| Deep Space Cowgirl chapter 5 . 7/11/2010
Aaaaaaaand you just keep piling on the creepy. Fantastic. I like the alternate, darker TV world that the group ended up in so far. I also have to wonder what happened to Souji.:) Looking forward to the next chapter!
| BonusParts chapter 5 . 7/5/2010
Lots of very nice imagery throughout, especially as it relates to the TV World versus the real one. You've got a strong sense for description, notably regarding the contrast between waking and dreaming, and what is real and what is imagined.
I also really enjoy the characterizations - as Souji sees them, at any rate - of the supporting cast, so far. It's an interesting take on the early relationships: the biases, the first impressions. It will be fun to see if/how they change over the course of the mysteries. The bit about Yousuke and his headphones, and Souji's reaction to when he does and does not put them on, was a great example!
There were a couple of times when an extra word or missing punctuation made my reading eye stutter a bit, but I think a lot of that can be caught on additional read-throughs. Or, if you've got the patience, put the text away for a day or two and then read through it again, without distractions (music, etc.). Usually, with that rest, your eye is less likely to gloss over the errors it wouldn't catch during an immediate post-writing read-through.
If you're really interested in a Beta reader, you may want to search around in the Beta section on this site. There are a fair number of folks willing to look over work for the Megami Tensei/Persona Series sections. The only problem I've found with essentially anonymous Betas (meaning not someone in close proximity, with whom you can hash out details over lunch or whatever), is that you're a bit constrained by their schedules...especially if they are also writing. Of course, if you're the type of writer who doesn't worry about your update schedule, this may not be an issue. The good thing is that the plot, characterizations, motivations, and descriptions are all really solid...it's just the little punctuation details that sneak up on you sometimes.
This is strong, well-written stuff that deserves more attention on this site, and definitely a different take on all of the other "novelizations" (cue eye-roll) and rehashings around here.
| Deep Space Cowgirl chapter 4 . 6/6/2010
Hmm... interesting so far. I'm definately looking forward to new chapters.
| Patcheresu chapter 4 . 5/15/2010
I enjoy this story. I can't wait to see the major difference with this. Please update this for the sake of keeping good fanfiction ALIVE. Favorited and alerted.
| BonusParts chapter 4 . 4/21/2010
Whoa, so Inaba's got to contend with 2 supernatural problems?
This is written quite well overall, though there are some errors of extra words and misspellings/grammar issues. The problem is that, *because* this is written so well, those little things tend to stand out. For example, "it's" is a contraction for "it is", not the genitive of "it". And, it's just customary for Japanese people to say the surname/family name first, and the given name second, such as "Seta Souji" or "Hanamura Yousuke." It's not like having their name written on a report, which is what "Seta, Souji" reads like to me.
Unfortunately, these sorts of errors are not something that a spell checker will catch, so it really requires a second or third read-through, or a beta's eyes.
I don't mean for this to sound overly-critical, by the way. You've got a very strong style, and an extremely interesting take on the Persona 4 world: a mix of canonical and new plot that actually kind of fits. The characters - what little we've got to know about them - feel very much in-character, and Souji's perspectives on them are realistic, especially the way that you've portrayed him so far.
I'm really interested to see what you can do with this!