Reviews for Frozen Secret
iWaffleNommer chapter 33 . 8/1/2012
XD Love this story. But I can't believe I forgot what I was gonna say... Oh right. Think you forgot to add something about Momo's voice. Her voice was pretty soft and girly in the English and Japanese anime... Maybe she practised her man voice or something? I dunno
raeryn chapter 33 . 7/18/2012
This is a really good story. The plot is kind of cliche and overused, but the way you wrote it wasn't horrendous and just a carbon copy of others.

Your writing is really good, and has a few errors, but you use different words (most of the time) so it's pretty good.

Since this IS an anime/manga, it would make sense if you used a Japanese format, such as: Lastname, First name; the teachers switch classes rather than the students, and so on.

You have a few other errors like using "blanch" a lot (I see it like almost every chapter) and other small grammatical errors.
But your main error I see often is punctuation.

You tend to forget commas, or don't know where to place them. When you give a specific name, you put a comma.

Ex: It was her, (insert name here), wearing (insert adjective here) clothes.

or introducing something:

Today, blah blah blah.

something like that. You wouldn't have put those comma there, making it seemed rushed or just plain hard to read.

Maybe also your format of writing? (Mainly dialogue)

In the first few chapters, your dialogue was incorrect, but as the chapters past by, I realized that the dialogue you started writing IS correct, so I was wondering if you just changed it over the years...?

Also (I don't know if you changed/know this) but when typing a dialogue with along paragraph, it should look something like this:

"Blah blah blah

"Blah blah blah."

Since the same person is still talking, you do not close the dialogue with quotation marks, but continue another paragraph, but just add on paragraph.

Oh, and in dialogue, you don't use quotation marks (since that's what dialogue starts with) but instead with apostrophes.

Ex:

"Blah blah blah 'bleehhh' blah," she said, emphasizing "blehh."

While you did something like:

"Blah blah blah "bleh" blahhhh," she said. (Does this even make sense? . sorry if it doesn't.)

Oh, and never stop in the middle with something like (-she gestured here-) making it sound like an Author's note, or whatsoever. Instead, you could say at the end of the dialogue:

...," she emphasized the "(insert emphasized word here).

But besides, that, your story is great, and update soon! :D

(Hehe, I'm looking forward to the next chapter and more kisses. Maybe like holding a chin/cradling a face? Man I sound like a lewd or something.)

Sabanoodles
Sakura Tsubari chapter 1 . 7/15/2012
This is one of the best HitsuHina fanfics I've ever read, and I'm not exaggerating. One thing I noticed about your fic is that you tend to leave out commas in places there should be one... :) Anyways, I love how you portray Hitsugaya, and you've done an excellent job with characterization. Please update :)
umm chapter 33 . 7/11/2012
where are you? update! please! We love you and your story!
Guest chapter 33 . 7/10/2012
wonderful story cant wait for the nxt chapter!
KaylaBlueNight chapter 33 . 7/7/2012
update!
Guest chapter 33 . 7/7/2012
yo phoenix guy,r u alive?
Guest chapter 33 . 7/2/2012
i can't wait for the next chapter,i've been following your updates sice 2010! i can wait for the next chapter!
xbrainlessxxwriterx chapter 33 . 6/30/2012
Dang...I was expecting a sudden plot twist in the ball . Anyway, I think it would be most appropriate that you update right now XD This is one of the best stories that I have read in the HitsuHina fandom...and more than enough people would appreciate if you updated.
Guest chapter 33 . 6/28/2012
..dude,i think it is high time to update ur story...
HitsugayaYuki11 chapter 33 . 6/21/2012
So sweeettt

I love this story

Upload soon
A fan chapter 33 . 6/9/2012
Where are youuu:( I love this story and I'm hoping you're not abandoning us, your loyal fans!
One Shot man chapter 33 . 5/26/2012
plz update soon...i love you r story...:d
opacho chapter 33 . 5/12/2012
I just can't compare this story to anything else! It's too amazing! haha! please update soon!
booklover1994 chapter 23 . 5/4/2012
great story! thank's a lot!
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