|Reviews for Until Now|
| animegirlyellow chapter 1 . 10/3/2016
great first chapter.
| Jui chapter 1 . 7/27/2014
Well I need Natsu and Natsume to give you some real flames.
| Athena Keating-Thomas chapter 1 . 3/20/2012
I like the concept behind this fic, and the POV you used to achieve it. Well done!
| flygon3300 chapter 1 . 2/20/2012
can't w8 for next chapter XD
| Mary chapter 1 . 10/19/2009
I love it so far! Please write more soon, I need to know what happens when he meets Allen! :D
| MasacreInTheLivingRoom chapter 1 . 4/27/2009
I think you did a great job with this xD the only thing that I was a little uncertain about was who's point of view it was in at first, if only because I'm not used to people portraying Lavi as anything but a genius. So perhaps you should clarify that by putting who's POV the chapter or segment is in at the top of the page? I really hope you post again soon : p
| Sazzypants chapter 1 . 4/15/2009
o, i can't wait for the next chapter! XD
poor Lavi! D h'e being harrassed by Lenalee. /_\;;
| Brometheus chapter 1 . 4/14/2009
hey wow this is epic y'all~ -heart- Hayley loves it~ :D -favourite, alert, Author alert all that jazz~-
| Ag-ro-tag chapter 1 . 4/14/2009
Hmm, this one really caught my attention. Criticism shouldn't be said by someone, who isn't a Master Writer or someone, who doesn't bear any criticism on his own. I can only say likes and dislikes.
I like every kind of Laven, which is set in modernity, you have my big plus. For Lavi's personality I see you tried to make him realists-like-man. It somehow reminds me of our Lavi, when he had begun his life in Black Order - not so willing to made any bonds, yet going to everyone on his own will. You caught that character, another plus. Because the story is beginning, I don't have any arguments against, so I'm going to observe you *madman's laugh should be put here*. Keep on working!
| AnimePinkGirl chapter 1 . 4/14/2009
It's a little different with Lavi being dark and all...BUT I LIKE IT! Can't wait till u update!
| ritachi chapter 1 . 4/14/2009
Criticism, she says. Okay, I'll try.
Well, to be honest, I really don't know what to think from this one chapter. Lavi's voice just sounds so dark and...well, un-Lavi-like. Well, just not the Lavi we all love him for. He seems like that emo-kid (for lack of a better word) in the corner of the classroom who doesn't talk to anyone. Hm, basically, he's the kid that I like walking up to and talking to, but now you've made me feel really guilty for my actions and make me wonder if I should've just left that person alone. T.T
Anyway, characterization is...strange. Not bad, though. Just, it makes it harder to understand what exactly you're trying to aim for this story. The summary doesn't give much detail as to what you're trying to write. Rather, it just shows how cynical and depressive Lavi is (and I hope you explain that aspect of him later). And it kinda hints at Allen being the somewhat happier of the two, what with being perky and all that. So I'm somewhat confused as well as a bit curious as to what you're trying to aim for this story. It would be nice to know EXACTLY what it was about.
Overall, the first chapter merely puts everything in place. There really isn't anything here to grab ahold of attention, though. It's like a setting chapter, which is usually the case of the first chapter. Although I am worried about the fact that you chose to write in first-person and present tense. That's possibly one of the hardest things to do because people tend to switch over to past. So make sure you watch your tenses in the future. It hasn't sounded awkward yet, and I hope that it won't.
Lenalee. I don't know if it's because of Lavi's POV, but it sounds like you hold some type of grudge towards her...? I don't know. For Lavi to "dislike" Lenalee like that just seems strange. Although for Lenalee to drag Lavi to the mall...that's just... ; Even I wouldn't drag a guy to the mall to pick out dresses. They have horrible fashion sense most of the time and can never understand colour, style, and design. (Even if I had a boyfriend, I wouldn't drag him to the mall unless we were there just to buy video games or watch movies. NEVER to shop.) Stranger that Kanda and Allen came together to a mall. LOL
Anyway, overall, the chapter is good. It could've been better though. Like having a bit more story to it and whatnot. The writing is fine, though. At times, you have very amazing sentences that just stand out. Even I'm impressed!
(I work like this, thinking and writing in two separate processes, until the lights are switched off and the librarians usher me out of the library, strained smiles thinly veiling their impatience. Like clockwork every day at 5pm sharp I am left standing outside the library, rain sleet or sun, as the librarians lock up and charge off to their cars with thoughts of warm beds and delicious meals fuelling their shuffling legs.)
I really liked this. It's just...really vivid in my head. And it runs along very smoothly.
Hm, the math equation though. I think you should've had Lavi do Calculus like simple differentiation rather than Year 10 math. But that's just me. (Can't even remember differentiation anymore!)
Anyway, I think my only complaint was the story. I really don't know exactly what you're trying to go for. Is it a "Character comes in and changes my life" story like "A Walk to Remember" by Nicholas Sparks? 'Cause that's the feeling I'm getting from it. But other than that (oh, and watch out for those spelling mistakes) your writing is stable enough to support a good story. Just try to narrow down what you want as a story and what you want to achieve each chapter so it doesn't feel like it's transitional or filler, and then you're sure to get a good story!
| Hahiho chapter 1 . 4/14/2009
I like the beginning so far, for once Lavi isn't the popular guy