|Reviews for Rabbits|
| ARCtheElite chapter 1 . 4/23/2009
What was the challenge?
*enters critic mode*
At the risk of sounding cruel, I'm going to say that your story was quite under-developed. If I were to envision a scene in my head as I was reading your story (which I do quite often), I'd be seeing Kari and Tai talking in blank white space. It would have been nice if you presented the reader with exactly what was happening when the phone rang, painting YOUR picture for the reader.
For example: "Kari lay on her bed, lazily stroking Gatomon's ears. The utopia was suddenly disturbed by the phone ringing. Kari groaned. Go away, she thought. Feeling lazy, Kari yelled for Tai to pick up the phone..."
By setting the scene, you enrich a reader's experience and makes their reading (and probably your writing) more enjoyable.
Secondly, I have beef with Kari and TK's breakup. Not because I'm a Takari fan (which I am, but that's beside the point), but it revealed nothing about either of their characters. Ok, TK's a jerk, but why? The series shows him as a friendly and (mostly) gentle, serious boy, and if you're going to paint a new TK, you're going to have to convince the reader why YOUR TK is the better TK.
Thirdly I wonder about the meadow. You established rabbits as a metaphor in the story, but what about the meadow? You brought up the rabbit meadow twice. Why? What is the importance of TK and Kari breaking up in the rabbit meadow? If you had an intention of putting significance on the meadow (which you should), you didn't carry that through enough.
*exits critic mode*
Everything I said above aside, it was a short and hilarious story. I especially enjoyed Koushiro sitting there with a rabbit on top of him. It looks very...Koushiro like.
If you're ever bored, you could look into TK's obsession with motorcycles. I'd love to read that.
| StarHobbit chapter 1 . 4/20/2009
Cool but um... whats 'Lath'? so um yeah it is halereous(soz don't know how 2 spell hal..hel..halera... the word)
| Digidestined of Trust chapter 1 . 4/17/2009
It looked like it was going to end back up being a Takari. But good job.
| princess gatomon chapter 1 . 4/15/2009
| Psyduck Ranger chapter 1 . 4/14/2009
Heh, works for me, Kari isn't with T.K. and it made me giggle. Don't see where the tragedy is though...or if you can even have a humour/tragedy story...
| chillheart chapter 1 . 4/14/2009
Wow who knew TK could be such a jerk. Funny when the rabbits kept annoying Izzy, espeically with one on his head, what a lath.