|Reviews for The Treasure of Tarbok|
| paolopaolows chapter 1 . 2/16/2013
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/12/2013
I like the start of this story. I'm just wondering if you going to write more?
| Blake Davis chapter 1 . 4/16/2009
Really well written; the descriptions are crisp and evoke the desert while it just has a certain "feel" for what Indiana Jones is all about. It is a bit exotic, and phrases like "you better think about what you are going to cook for dinner..." have a playfulness that should be part of the fun of Indy. You are on the right track!
My only simple suggestion might be to have patience with allowing some info to unfold. For instance, "Young Indiana Jones sat nervously on the saddle of his camel and adverted his gaze from the near-distant city wall to his life-long friend" has GREAT word choice with "adverted his gaze" but "life-long friend" is a bit amateurish. Don't telegraph that they have been "life-long friends." Instead, have the patience to let that conclusion arrive to the reader via subtle hints as the story progresses. Perhaps a line that hints at past adventures? Hint at a maneuver they have done before which is now second nature? It is hard to pull off, granted, but you have some good stuff here-be proud of the foundation you have to build on!
| Kasumi Hoshi Nishida chapter 1 . 4/15/2009
And the suspense builds... I can't wait to read more!