Reviews for What If?
YousayxAhKey chapter 1 . 8/26/2009
I read most of these "What if" stories. If 4kids learned orf these, they may have an idea XD

Anyway i came up with a what if for you, while doing ur othr fanficts. Try it.

" What if Goodwin didn't allow Roman(is rudger his Jap name?) to win his duel? "

SEE YA ! ! !
Kelisidina chapter 12 . 8/11/2009
It doesn't make sense for heels to click, so I think the word you were looking for was "clacked" ;

Some improvements, but still too redundant.
melabae chapter 2 . 8/11/2009
You know that 4kids did have Mikage tell Jack that she had special feelings for him.

He was like "of course you do, but we're talking about Carly here.

And after he explained why he had to save Carly, Mikage asked "But what about what I said?"

He just walked away.

Later they still ate together (4kids couldn't change that)

Ugh they have been messing everything up.
seredemia chapter 1 . 7/18/2009
suggestion:

what if yusei turned into a dark signer?

i love this,its really nicely written.
Saq78642 chapter 11 . 7/3/2009
Ah...but not that much of an impact.
Boogermeister chapter 11 . 7/3/2009
I got a request for your next chapter. What if Divine did die from his duel with Dark Signer Carly, when the building collasped? Please make a chapter out of that.
Kelisidina chapter 11 . 7/2/2009
Nice flow, poor intensity.
Summonearth chapter 10 . 7/2/2009
I have a idea (sorry if it is bad), what would have happen if Rua hadn't went with the group to the Satillite (sorry if I misspelled it) to confront the Dark Signers?
Saq78642 chapter 10 . 6/27/2009
...The revival of the dark signers made everything obsolete. WTF, now I understand that the guy who wrote GX and DM fillers is the 5D's head writer, how ironic.
Blueorange99 chapter 10 . 6/25/2009
:3 yay It was simple and nice.
Kelisidina chapter 10 . 6/25/2009
Grammar was good, spelling is a little off.

To be honest, I don't think this is your best. No intensity, flow is very boring and again, no emotional portrayal even when this scene left room for so much of it. Your elaboration is the main problem, you go by the book (as in what the characters said and what the youtube screen showed). It doesn't hurt to add or subtract here and there. The definition of literature in essence is "the art of expressing emotions and thoughts through the instrumentality of language." Again; You write actions decently but don't forget to pass literature screening. Fan Fiction, especially this chapter, falls under the category of Drama/Comedy. But your writing is more of a prose, add more depth. By:

I think it's best for you to use figures of speech, they help a lot.

Go over the top. Don't. Think. Just. Write.

Single out a sentence at the end of a chapter, preferably one that leaves the readers baffled, like a sneak peak of next chapter's events.

And done.
Saq78642 chapter 9 . 6/15/2009
Yup...Here's a what if...

What if Yusei's friends weren't kidnapped and came with him through the journey?
Saq78642 chapter 3 . 6/15/2009
LOL Incest XD
Saq78642 chapter 2 . 6/15/2009
Yeah that kinda Explains the Carly business. Remember the good old days of the Janime IRC where people made random shippings like iCarly X Carly X Lucarly

Ah the good ol' days...
Mistress of Serenity chapter 6 . 6/13/2009
This is my favourite chapter :D I simply love it.

If only this had actually happened in the anime. That would haff been totally sweet :)

Great chappie btw! -continues reading-

Mistress
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