|Reviews for Mabinogi: Setting Sun|
| godofmadness43 chapter 20 . 4/28/2013
oooh this is gonna be sweet! I like how everyone is getting closer to each other as their journey reached a head, this is gonna be epic! keep it up
| u chapter 19 . 2/25/2013
Your Fanfic is really wonderful. Perhaps it has some grammar mistakes, and mixups of names, but the storyline is very interesting. I know I'm going to sound nagging and spoiled, but its the anniversary of your last update in a year. Please update soon!
Anyway its a great story.
| Anonymous chapter 19 . 2/21/2013
Nice story! My favorite character happens to be Vice for some reason. I'm kind of sorry you decided to quit using the bold letters whenever a dark knight spoke, although I never noticed an underline for paladins. Hmmm... The whip sword is really famous for some reason... I wonder if it's similar to the one in Inuyasha or not... Or a game I forgot the name of...
| godofmadness43 chapter 19 . 2/25/2012
the two groups join, about time, though i expect Shaosu might have some hate with Sol over Ceez, still it'd be interesting to see where those two will go from there. Anywya keep on writing dude
| godofmadness43 chapter 18 . 9/16/2011
aww, thanks man, and dude, don't worry, just try your best with the fics and college, ok? i know its hard, but just try to adapt to college life
| godofmadness43 chapter 17 . 2/26/2011
heh, nice that the two returned, and Gillian getting clocked out like that was funny
| godofmadness43 chapter 16 . 11/13/2010
awesome! but how is Shaosu gonna fight without his claymore? and Gillian's speech was really good, really deep too
| skAnon chapter 10 . 7/20/2010
Ahhhh~ That was refreshing!
Man, ever since ch5, the story really picked up a lot.
ch5: Well, Nao finally finished her buisness with 'Sol' .. or did she~? The fighting scene was pretty intense. I liked the description you used for it. Although, for the transformations, though the people that are reading this story are probably, and even more so, players from the game, it'd help if you put more detail on to the actualy description on the armor. (Though you did state it as a 'Rank F Paladin', the people who haven't played will probably have no clue as to how that would look like. I kind of see how it'd be difficult though ... that kind of intriacte design would probably end up as one huge ass block of text. Hehe.)
Ch8: The backstory of 'Sol' captivated me~ I'm a bit fazed about how everything played out at the mansion. They must've had some pretty bad luck (-referring to how Shang, and Ceez had ended.) The misunderstanding between 'Sol' and 'Soma' should really be quelled ! Though, even though 'Sol' wouldn't be able to ... couldn't Nao? Which reminds me ... 'Soma' isn't really aware about him being half-fomor is he? Oh~ The tragedy of the past ...
ch9: Very nicely done. Especially on how you were able to add into the 'Ruari, Mari, and Tarlach' part of it. Nice idea~ There's a cute little scene going on with Shaosu and Nao! with them being assinged to a new mission, it makes me wonder how will handle the conflict between them, and 'Sols' party. Skirmish~?
ch10: The latest chapter that I've read. Adrian sounds like quite the dirt bag ... I really hope Kai finds away to free his sister's soul. That whole thing with the town dead seems like it'll be troublesome for the knights. Diana, such a tsundere~ 3
I probably would've written a lot more for the chapter reviews, but when I came across this story,I actually just printed out the first 10 chapters (Congradulations, you are now a contributor of a dying printer btw.)The reason I do this with most of the stories I read is so I really can just read it in my spare time (Like during school classes, when I wake up in the middle of the night, before bed ... etc.)and the reason all of this is so short, is mainly because I'm doing this all at once in school, right now, so~
First off! I really want to mention how much this thing has improved! It really all started to get to me at ch5. Much of the grammer has really been bettered in many ways! Among that, you've really enhanced the structure and format of both the sentances, and just how it's written all together. Like the converse between characters, the simple fact on how you state the location/character that the story is following at that point in time ... It's really great! (-Reffering to the transition how how the story is written from ch4-5, to recent.) Although, all of this really just happened in a matter of a week/two weeks for me, when in reality, this had happened over the year (-looks at story's publish date-).
There's only so much things that I want to find out about what's going on. Like if Nao could possibly explain the situation about 'Sol' to at least Shaosu *Cough* Sol made the promise to luna not to tell 'Soma' , but Nao, who is both well aware of the situation hadn't made a promise of the sort to 'Shaosu', yet alone 'Soma' *Cough*, or if some 'Inner' conflict within' the black knights could occur~
Well, that's about it for me ... Overall, I'm VERY happy with how you were able to bring generation 1 into the story ( that was a very clever way of doing it, might I add.) as well as how the story has developed so far. I'm glad that I stuck around with this, it has progressed amazingly. If you don't mind, I think I'll stick around for a nice ... 'till you post the last chapter, hehe. Time for chapter 11 ...
| skAnon chapter 3 . 7/16/2010
It's a good story, but there's a lot of punctuation errors/capitalization errors just about everywhere I look ...
From what I've read so far, you have a tendency to over use some things, like "Several", and you also throw in something like this, where you throw in a lot of unnecessary "And" to add into something, like;
"Sol stepped back and charged forward and bashed Vulcan in the stomach and forcing him to let go of the Katana."
Where it basically is just saying he did it all at once. He stepped back at the same time he charged forward, and all while doing that, bashed Vulcan in the stomach where he also let go of the katana at the very same time Sol had stepped back and charged forward at the very same time, which doesn't really make sense.
What you could do, is use words that would be able to state the nature of addition, but in a more percise way. So, it could go something like this;
"Sol stepped back a little, then immediately charged forward, bashing his fist into Vulcan's stomach, forcing him to let go of the katana."
The comma's basically just indicate a change of subject by the way.
Also, something you could work on, is the dialogue. You keep overusing between the 'he said, she said' dialogue tags constantly. Like, if you're having a conversation between two characters, the readers are able to follow back and fourth between the two without having to really to identify them on each line written, because for most, the dialogue that a certain character speaks, is usually unique to them. It's kind of like a conversation between a child, and a teacher. Both of them aren't going to talk the same way.
Some few things that you could do, is use actions that move the story forward, and make use of adverbs. Maybe even do something like, put the action first (Then put) He said/remarked _. Or something like that. In most cases though, you don't even have to use 'she/he said'.
Ex) "We're near it ... " "Where?" Sky asked softly. She slowly turned her head to the side, facing the direction opposite of where Sky was standing. "Stop being so quiet. I asked you, where are we going?" Sky asked once again, this time growing slightly annoyed. Celty looked over to him. "Illust." "Illust?" He repeated quietly, but loud enough for Celty to hear him. She murmured faintly, "My home ..." Sky glanced at her for a moment, then looked down to his feet. "Why?" She didn't say anything for a few seconds. "I want to see my familiy ..." She said gently, sadness growing apparent in her eyes.
See, your dialogue is actually well done, but the fact that you constantly use 'he said, she said' blantly all the time really hampers the story, and limits the dialogue quite a bit. So what's advised, is that you do use it very sparingly.
Also, I kind of find 'Sol' a ... "Mary-sue". You'd probably best look that up ... it might be important if you end up writting another story~
Side Note: I'm really sorry for becoming a grammer nazi, and if I was a little harsh on the criticsm on you, but it's something I think that I thought I should throw out there. I'll be reading on. Take care~ (I'm interested as to how you're going to get g1 in here ... hehe.)
| redcryis chapter 1 . 7/15/2010
hm i like your story i look forward to the next segement and if you could find space since im no good at storys maybe you could use the idea or character i was thinking of...
new to the world-arrival, goddess brough him here he refused to help but she wouldnt take no for an answer and dumped him head first into the world literly making contact with his head on the plains near dunbarton, if you do place him in hes a serous person but every thing seems to mock him or make his attempts to be serous into jokes. when fighting hes unmatchable in hand to hand and range weapons, last thing he is extremely hard to pursaude to fight unless you piss him off then well yeah you get the drift. *gold doesnt work he just wants back to where he came*
his mermorys of his past are like shards of shattered glass, only his fighting skills since most use are left intact
i ask you to add this character as a comical person becuase i can its not a demand just a suggestion and dont quit the work its pretty dam good hate to see it grind to a halt. ps i say what i want why shouldnt i its fun
| godofmadness43 chapter 15 . 7/12/2010
well this was cool, and i hope Soma can stop Adrian
| godofmadness43 chapter 14 . 2/6/2010
man, about time u updated, seems like Rudi and Lydia have a new task ahead, plus Sol and the gang is going to have a hard time in Dunbarton, plus, Shaosu and the gang are probably going to have some trouble in Emain Macha
| godofmadness43 chapter 13 . 11/11/2009
nice chap, i thought for a second Shaosu was going to die, i'm glad he didn't. And as for my favorite...i'd say Soma. Oh and i have an idea for Shaosu, that is, if you're okay with it and will accept it
| godofmadness43 chapter 12 . 9/12/2009
alright, now the action (and drama) really begins
| godofmadness43 chapter 11 . 8/24/2009
nice chapter, and i bet Soma's going to be so ticked when he learns about River failing against Sol, update soon!