|Reviews for True love that never breaks|
| Dragon Fire Fitzy chapter 1 . 1/19/2011
A nice plot you have here. Just from reading this chapter I know that it's going to be a cute story. _
DarkGothicAngel offers some good advice about punctuation also :P
It's hard to do but once you get into the routine of it, it becomes easy :3
Keep up the good work;
| DarkGothicAngel chapter 1 . 1/18/2011
Awww, this is a sweet story, I love it. I love the couple Kiba and Ino. :) I'll read the rest of the chapters tomorrow.
I like that you start the story by mentioning that Kiba and Ino don't talk much anymore because their parents had stopped talking. And then mentioning that Kiba likes Ino. That starts the plot.
This is a really good story so far, now onto the parts you may need help with.
Everytime a new character speaks they need their own paragraph. Throughout this story you have three or four people speaking n the same paragraph. All it does is confuse the reader. Space it out, when one person talks they should have their own paragraph, when someone else says something that chracter should get his/her own paragraph. That will clear out confusion and be a lot easier to read.
Grammer also needs improving.
It was a morning of clear skies and Ino was walking to school humming excitingly when she bumped into Sakura
It should look like this:
It was a morning of clear skies, and Ino was walking to school, humming excitingly, when she bumped into Sakura.
"that's just an excuse" "yeah I know, but hey Akamaru grow some while we stopped hanging he's huge now" "Wow I remember that dog to a little one " Ino said laughing "hey you want to walk to class with me?" Kiba asked
Should be like this:
"That's just an excuse," "Yeah, I know, but hey, Akamaru has grown while we stopped hanging out; he's huge!" "Wow, I remember that dog when he was only little." Ino said, laughing. "Hey, you want to walk to class with me?" Kiba asked.
Remember to use capital letters and full stops, and also commas.
If you want to discuss this more, PM me.
Other than that, this is a great story idea. Keep writing.
| Daiz Park chapter 9 . 10/25/2010
keep it up Kiba & Ino r my fav couple & this is the best so far ;) hope u update soon
| Shikazu Nara chapter 9 . 10/2/2010
Took you long enough. Shikamaru should have a reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally lazy cat named Umbrae (which by itself is just 'Shade' in latin :P). Just saying
| Daiz Park chapter 8 . 7/16/2010
| Shikazu Nara chapter 8 . 3/22/2010
Took you long enough! :
| Shikazu Nara chapter 7 . 1/10/2010
You still need to work on the grammar... But it's good. This one made me laugh. rofl waffle.