|Reviews for At Death, A Proclamation|
| warm muff chapter 24 . 7/28/2010
So I think you have some potential. Every now and then, the characters say things that sound in character, or at least kind of amusing.
But there's a lot of room for improvement here, most notably in style and plotting, because you have a tendency to have characters repeat the same thoughts/conversation with only slight variations through multiple chapters - partially that's an issue with the constantly rotating point of view you employ, where one character will say or do something and think about why they did it and then you'll switch to the other character in the scene and they'll think about what the character just said or did and what they thought it meant, ad nauseum.
As for the ASD, well. I appreciate the effort you put in, but it feels like you read a wikipedia page and didn't consider how an actual individual suffering from a traumatic event might react given their own experiences and personality. It also just seems like you don't quite grasp how psychological disorders, um, work. And that medication (which, as another reviewer stated, wouldn't be prescribed the same night Jess' mother died) wouldn't completely eradicate all symptoms of ASD. Jess is grieving and suffered something traumatic; no matter what medication he takes, he's still going to have serious and painful things to work through, unless you're assuming the doctor prescribed him something to make him catatonic. But that would make him a worse doctor than Luke is a guardian.
Because Luke grabbing and shaking Jess is awful and inexcusable, and you make it even worse by having both Luke and then *Lorelai* wave it off as something Luke didn't mean to do. That's completely not all right, ever, and while it's true that he didn't mean to do it, he still did it, and there's no reason or excuse for anyone to say that it's all right because it was an accident and that Jess knows he didn't mean it. I'm a little baffled why you even wrote that in, since it makes Luke awful and abusive and then you never resolve it between Luke and Jess. The last anyone mentions it is Lorelai saying "there there" to Luke because he feels bad about hurting Jess. He should feel bad. He grabbed and shook his traumatized nephew hard enough to leave marks.
I was also getting so frustrated with the way you have Jess and OTHER characters refer to Luke as "the lumberjack" that I was close to giving up on the story completely whenever I saw it. He isn't a lumberjack. He wears flannel, yes, ha ha. Hilarious. Making that joke once is funny. Making it in every fic is not. Making it multiple times, sometimes several times in a single chapter, is just awful. Same thing with calling Jimmy the "hot-dog king" all the time, when "hot dog" is not even hyphenated. I mean. Come on.
| betweenlife chapter 24 . 7/23/2010
I liked this piece of work as well. Common theme, but good writing. Well appreciated. :)
| Farrahmack chapter 24 . 12/30/2009
That was amazing! loved it!
| critiquegirl chapter 7 . 11/26/2009
i still think you are an amazing writer and this story was too good to be done just yet
i still think jess and lane should get together, they've been bonding so nicely in this story
| Sailor-Lit chapter 24 . 11/4/2009
Wow! That last part was MAJOR tearjerker! I can't wait to read the sequel.
| Jeremy Shane chapter 24 . 11/3/2009
good chapter & more please
| paper-fl0wers chapter 24 . 11/3/2009
amazing story, but it does need a sequel.
jess is only just accepting lizs death, which means there is a whole new story that could be spun with jess coming to realize his grief is only just starting. its not absolutely necessary to write a sequel but it seems like you shouldnt let that good plot opportunity go to waste ;)
| Curley-Q chapter 24 . 11/3/2009
Gah, you had me in tears! I cannot wiat to see more! Please continue
| mower200 chapter 1 . 11/3/2009
you've got me hooked now.
| sunny214 chapter 24 . 11/3/2009
Just the perfect way to end this story.
It had everything I hoped for.
Jess on Liz grave again and then when he finally steps into the apartment, my favorit moment comes. He collapse and Luke is there and put his strong arms around him to protect him from any harm in the world.
Just love it! You did an awesome job with this whole story and I am sad that their will be no more but it was the right time and the right way to end this story.
| Princess Denise chapter 24 . 11/3/2009
The ending was amazing! I was almost crying too, with Jess... ;-)
| girlface chapter 24 . 11/2/2009
This was such a great story. I'm glad you're planning a sequel and writing more Jess and Luke stories. They never were something I really read before but the way you wrote them together made me want to read more!
| Christine Writer chapter 24 . 11/2/2009
aw i cried. good story!
| cHoCoLaTe-cHiHuAhUa chapter 24 . 11/2/2009
I loved this :)
| curbsidepuke chapter 24 . 11/2/2009
Such a nice ending. 3