|Reviews for Jolene|
| GoddessAnjanee chapter 1 . 8/25/2016
| Frontline chapter 1 . 2/19/2016
I like where this is going, especially Jolene's character. Good job...
| Great story chapter 7 . 11/24/2015
Please continue, such a cliffhanger!
| scarletwitch0 chapter 7 . 8/26/2014
Wow. A blast from the past. Glad you're continuing this. I'm also glad I kept it on my alert list.
| JustLivingToLive chapter 6 . 8/22/2013
Why you no update in so long?! You need to come back to this and finish it. And to make it worse you left with a cliff hanger!
| FeraFulmina chapter 6 . 7/28/2013
Wow... Just, wow... *applauds*
| FeraFulmina chapter 5 . 7/28/2013
It might not be a good idea to tell people in advance that they shouldn't read the chapter, especially when it's a really good chapter. I'm not sure if you meant to do this, but you kinda made Tasha seem like she was stalking Data a bit on the bridge...
Keep up the good work,
| FeraFulmina chapter 4 . 7/28/2013
Just wondering, is Tasha ever going to be less... Stuttery? Or more confident in any way?
Good work anyway,
| FeraFulmina chapter 3 . 7/28/2013
Aww... I don't know why, but Data's really cute when he's oblivious to situations...
Great job again,
| FeraFulmina chapter 2 . 7/28/2013
HAHAHA! I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard! Tasha's so funny when she acts irrationally!
Keep up the good work,
| FeraFulmina chapter 1 . 7/28/2013
Great start! I really like the way you are setting everything up, and I can't wait to see Tasha's reaction, since she showed feelings for him in the episode, "The Naked Now", in which there was a rather suggestive scene involving the two of them... Oh, and good choice on the name. "Jolene"... I love it!
| No-Rhyme-Just-Reason chapter 6 . 10/18/2012
Just catching up with this story after a long hiatus. Are you still writing it?
It appears you have made some edits to the first two chapters, which have improved it somewhat; but there are some areas that need attention. If you are interested in knowing where they are (and would consider making changes), send me a PM and I'll go into more detail.
But as a previous reviewer suggested, it would help to have a beta look over your chapters to check for correct spelling, grammar, organization and the like before they are published.
A few recurring things (in general) that I've noticed on initial read-through: Firstly, it is not necessary to start a new paragraph on every sentence. It is perfectly acceptable to group similar ideas and thoughts together in the same paragraph, until either you need to emphasize something, a different character begins speaking, or the topic focus changes.
For example, one section mid-chapter could be rephrased to read:
"When she had entered the academy, she hadn't discovered everything of which she was capable. It took her several months to realize she had all the men at her fingertips, if she painted them just right. After that, she had become the very object of hatred in all the other girls eyes, and she knew it."
Spell-check software will differentiate between words spelled correctly and a misspelling that is not a word. But it typically will not catch discrepancies between similar-sounding words with widely-different meanings - for example, between "definitely" and "defiantly"; as they are both legitimate words found in a dictionary. Neither will it help with terminology and proper nouns/names that are unique to the Trek verse; like "Guinan" versus "Quinan"; although in most cases they can be customized to recognize some of these recurring Trek-isms.
In this latest chapter you have a couple of words capitalized in mid-sentence that do not need to be, which can be distracting for some readers. I do like your use of italics to set off the characters' inner thoughts from the surrounding text, however, it should not be overused.
One thing that is not particularly clear here is, what is the exact driving force or motivation behind Jolene's actions toward Data and Tasha? Obviously as a human being she has her own set of flaws, insecurities and deficiencies which she is struggling to hide or otherwise deal with; as no one is truly perfect. But at this point, the reader still has no idea what these might be. What life events made her the individual she is at this juncture? - what caused her to be so uncaring and ruthless in her association with other people?
It is evident here that she has no genuine sense of affection towards Data - that he is just another potential name on her virtual list of conquests - but your readers will need to see occasional glimpses of her (figuratively-speaking) "Achilles heel" in order to accept her as a real person who has a chance to fail here as well as succeed in her plans. Otherwise it won't be as easy for them to identify with or care what happens in the story.
| nathasa 39 chapter 6 . 4/12/2012
su historia me ha gustado mucho. por favor continuela, no la deje asi.
| hi chapter 6 . 12/26/2011
terminaras tu relato?
| MeLovesDracoGinny chapter 6 . 11/14/2010
lovelovelove the idea
the only thing is Tasha is meant to be one of the strongest characters and she doesn't show weakness that often and i think she'd act tougher, no matter what situation she found herself in but that's just me.
other than that i really hope you update (: