|Reviews for Code Geass: RE R|
| Rina Eve chapter 17 . 1/13/2014
I can't wait for the next chapter of this story! D please update soon. )
| MistyNocturne chapter 17 . 8/16/2013
Aww... don't abandon it... It's damn good. Please, UPDATE CHAPTER 18! ONEGAI!
| Mookeypoop chapter 3 . 6/1/2013
Big bust kallen :P
| HoneyCaramelSwirl chapter 17 . 12/28/2012
Overall, this is a pretty interesting story with a clear plot. I really wanna see the meeting between Suzaku and lelouch, so please update? :)
| x chapter 17 . 6/4/2012
it seems this story is saying like
dont forget about me
| splitice chapter 17 . 11/11/2011
Too bad this fic has been abandoned its quite good.
| xXxShiniXKazexXx chapter 17 . 7/25/2010
Excellent! I'm loving it! Looking forward to a next update! D
| Ganheim chapter 5 . 5/25/2010
There was a bed (big enough for two people),
[This is very relative: mattresses categorized in Upper-Tier western nations as “twin-size” are generally used by one person, but more than three people can use it if you’re in a lower socioeconomic region. In some parts of the world, the whole family uses a single mattress, and that’s assuming they have a mattress]
and a "kitchen" with a seemingly infinite amount of pizza boxes.
[So is it big or small? Complex or simple? Modern, traditional, retro? Don’t draw attention to something you’re not going to give proper attention and description to]
Just as genius as always."
[I’m not sure whether you meant “as perceptive” or “as intelligent”, the connotation of them is different but both sound better than “genius”]
What are you thinking about?"
[If somebody has a Geass that can revive the dead, this could be the most potentially dangerous Geass ever (capable of upsetting the Natural Order even more than one that breaks Free Will). Especially if she brings up something related to their quandary, with Lelouch wanting to know what’s going on. Lelouch was so determined that he was willing to martyr himself, how is a little stubbornness from a person he already knows going to dissuade him?]
which led to C.C. trying to stuff Cheese-kun in his mouth everytime he talked.
[CC may ignore him, but this is just infantile]
Geasses have limits. They are not to disrupt the natural order of things.
[Well, technically they do, just in more minor forms]
from former Euro Universe lands that were not conquered by Britannia or joined the U.F.N.
[That wouldn’t be much, the world was pretty fully divided between those under Lelouch and those not (by the end of R2)]
She found out that the four students were really part of a supposed "new" rebellion being created to not only obliterate Britannia, but also take over the entire world.
[Why would anybody care to do this when the world was wearied of war thanks to Lelouch’s efforts? These would have to be exceptional cases, which puts further burden on you]
C.C. became one of Nunnally very closest friends.
[Why? She never seemed all that sociable and while she didn’t specifically avoid Nunnally, she also didn’t do much to meet/talk with her. All Nunnally knew of her was that she was “that girl” that she’d noticed around Lelouch a few times]
She also asked C.C. not to reveal any secret information
[Wouldn’t this go without saying? Otherwise it wouldn’t be secret information, just obscure]
Well, actually, he was.
[Not that much: Rivals is more ignorant (read: nobody tells him anything). Shinichirou Tamaki doesn’t have as much excuse, because he’s been in the middle of more action and actually could be called rash and incompetent]
Kallen nearly fell out of her seat. Everyone in the class turned around to look at her.
"Uh, sorry, I was just, um, talking to myself," Kallen stammered.
[While she might be surprised, this is exaggerated beyond what could be considered in-character. Kallen might not be a brilliant strategist, but she’s clever and would probably realize that being quiet now and cornering her after/between classes would be a better option]
C.C. kept a straight face on, not showing any emotion.
[Repetition, telling not showing]
C.C. leaned over and put her face right in front of Kallen's face.
[Wouldn’t that be extremely awkward if Kallen’s facing relatively forward to maintain appearances? Keep in mind positioning when describing]
Went out to get pizza.
[I don’t know how much Pizza Hut paid NamcoBandai for product placement, but the joke was overused in canon. Your story isn’t any funnier]
Lelouch began crying. "Nu...na...lly..."
[He loves his sister, yes, but this is rather sappy]
Or maybe...you already know he's back."
[Kallen only has a suspicion, this looks too certain]
To make things worst
He was sleeping very soundly, and he was no longer crying.
[Obviously, most people don’t cry in their sleep]
She looks on as Lelouch was sleeping
[Verb tense disagreement]
However, this woman is not C.C.
[You should have told us this earlier]
It was the picture of Nunnally and C.C. that he had looked at earlier before he went back to bed.
[As opposed to a different picture than the one he left there?]
The shocked Lelouch quickly dodged the bullet from the gun.
[Unless she intentionally missed, even a well-trained and talented martial artist would eat steel. You may have given Lelouch superior strength and stamina (and for what reason I don’t know, that weakness was one of the parts of canon that did a lot to increase his humanity)]
and smashed his fist into her face.
[He likely would try to throw her off, but making an offensive move like this doesn’t make sense for Lelouch. He wants answers, not to randomly hurt people – even the one time he snapped, he didn’t get physical]
C.C. went in to round-house kick Lelouch
[I thought that was Suzaku’s move? By the way, round-house kicks are never used in REAL combat, just in bad movies – they take too long to connect, are too easy for even a mediocre fighter to block or redirect, and leave the attacker wide open]
almost at Suzaku level."
"Why do I have to go to Ashford Academy again, C.C.?
[Lack of creativity? Even though the smart thing would be to lay low and not go anywhere?]
Today, would be a return
"I'll take attendence right now," Mr. Kisuuke said. "Amelia Airhart?"
[*facepalm* It would’ve been funnier if she wasn’t there]
Apparently, over the past year, Rivalz got a little clumsy.
[Not in sync with canon: Rivalz was always slightly clumsy, but never a goof. He just didn’t match up to the uber-competent people around him, but take an objective look and he was normal in his own rights]
Schneizel...if I were to disappear, there's no telling what kind of terror you'd bring upon this world.
[If he had to obey Zero like you said earlier, all he’d have to do is say “don’t cause trouble” and disappear]
Zero killed Euphy. He could never forgive him for that.
[I’m pretty sure Suzako got over that or he never would’ve been trusted to participate in the Zero Requiem, much less take up the mantle of Zero]
"Back then, when Zero impaled Emperor Lelouch,
[Why is he repeating things all of the characters present know very well? And why is he speaking in distant third-person? Shouldn’t he say when _I_?]
he told Zero that he
"You're not very discreet, your highness," Suzaku pointed out.
[Nunnally hasn’t had decades of practice being cunning, but there’s a difference between discretion and guile and she doesn’t have to have the latter to have the former. Canonically, she was actually very discreet – even while she was serving as governor of Area 11]
Ever since she got her sight back, she had been learning more about sight-needing things like writing speeches and using computers.
[Computers and keyboards are not necessarily strangers to the blind: there are even now special readers that convert visual text to Braille; look up disability resources and you’ll see it. In a more advanced world like Code Geass, there’s definitely going to be equipment at least as useful and hence she wouldn’t be unfamiliar]
Nunnally brought up the information about the four. There were scarce amounts of information about them. "We know very little about them.
[Repetition without actually giving your audience any information]
I want any possible rebellions to end before they even start."
[Cruel men have said the same things]
"C.C., what do you about Kallen?"
there's no telling whose side she''ll join. Mine? Or...someone else.
He stood up from the lunch table. He dragged C.C. up, as well.
[This is not consistent with canon Lelouch: he’s capable of subtlety and craftiness. This is brute]
you've meeten with
Ashford Academy, when Nunnally
He took off his blonde wig.
[Why? She knows it’s him, but everybody else doesn’t. It would make more sense for him to remain outwardly as much in disguise as possible, even while discussing things with Kallen]
"I was happy that you made up this entire plan to help the world.
[She seemed annoyed (I believe in “Emperor Lelouch”), and that’s even before the culmination of Zero Requiem]
But, if you're alive, you'll ruin all of that!
[Only if he becomes prominent. If he stays quiet and out of the public eye, then almost nobody would notice and fewer would care]
He then relocated the gun to his heart.
[He absorbed it?]
"Don't you dare test me, Britannia!" Kallen screamed out.
[I’d more figure, given her characterization and what little description you’ve given, that she’d be getting quieter]
She wondered what was taking Lelouch so long. Suddenly, she heard a loud gunshot.
[Who didn’t see that coming a kilometer away? This was a little too obvious]
I’m concerned about characterization (numerous times), and there are frequent instances of telling instead of showing that seriously weaken the scene.
| Ganheim chapter 3 . 5/25/2010
These hopeful were known as the Japanese.
[By the time he made himself emperor, didn’t he intentionally have everybody afraid of him?]
the empire known as the Holy Britannian Empire
[Repetition of “empire”]
conquested the island of Japan.
There, the Japanese were considered barbarians and animals
[No they weren’t, they were considered second-class citizens. There’s a significant difference between being below Britainnian social strata and being feared animals]
As Lelouch grew older, he and Nunnally
[I know this beginning is about introductions and recounting earlier canon information, but what relevance does it have to the ‘restart’ that’s supposed to take place? Yes, it happened, but it’s not vital information for right now. A lot of the information in this introduction is unnecessary]
a new order called the Order of the Black Knights
[Repetition of “order”]
to kill his father, the Emperor. With help from C.C. and Suzaku, after reconciling with him, Lelouch was able to do so
[Reconcile with his father? I think that ‘reconciliation’ bit is unnecessary, though this blends with the “a lot of this introduction is unnecessary” from earlier]
All people, even the Black Knights, saw Lelouch as a tyrant ruler.
[Repetition: a tyrant is a form of ruler, we don’t need to be told “ruler” with “tyrant”. The statement is still not accurate because it implies that people made assumptions: Lelouch actively sought to make himself hated by the people]
However, it was actually Lelouch's plan to have everybody hate him.
[Yes, we know that]
he was willing to die thinking himself to be the destroyer and creator of worlds.
[Again inaccurate: he was willing to die to make a better world for Nunnally, he didn’t care about “destroying and creating worlds”, that was just his final spoken line]
C.C. continues looking for someone who could finally fulfill her wish, and help her to truly reunite with Lelouch.
[That’s not her wish: her wish is to die]
The man watched C.C. at
[What man? Last you mention was CC attending or in some form returning to Ashford Academy, not somebody following her. Your story has also been completely in the past tense recounting canon story, this isn’t an effective transition to a form of present-progressive of a new story]
Here lies Lelouch vi Britannia
99th Emperor of Britannia
[Wouldn’t that last bit be dangerous? Something that only people who knew him/Zero should know and something that they should keep to themselves?]
the front of the Ashford house, where she stayed with Lelouch for a very long time.
[Actually, they stayed in academy buildings attached to spaces used for school clubs like Student Council]
She sat on the steps, talking with a distant friend.
[Talking with who? This makes it sound like she could be speaking with somebody literally next to her. If she was going to talk to Lelouch, why not do so right at his grave as is traditional?]
It seemed as if her telepathic link with Lelouch
[She never had a telepathic link with anyone else]
who was supposed to be in C's World,
[No, Lelouch was _dead_, not in that false-world shown in the “sword of aksha” the emperor tried to use]
He rose up from the ground.
[…through 6 feet of compacted soil?]
He noticed that he was wearing the Ashford Academy uniform, instead of his royal clothes.
[Why? He was buried in royal garb]
In the hole, there was a jewel-encrusted coffin.
[Even pharos didn’t have jewel _encrusted_ coffins. It might be fine wood or something like that, but let’s not go overboard]
Suzaku? He wouldn't ever risk doing that. Someone else with Geass? ...
[Suzaku has the command “live”, not truly a geass ability of his own. Why would Lelouch suspect a geass of reviving him?]
Fearing what someone would think if they saw the dead prince of Britannia alive and well again
[Or an old student]
C.C. walked over to the grave.
[You just told us that. Expand. Tell us she stands over it, crouches down next to it, or something!]
If someone came here and began grave robbing, I would have noticed it!
[Why? This mysterious guy walked around and nobody noticed him]
he accidentally stepped onto a twig.
Lelouch used this newfound strength to run away from C.C. as fast as possible,
running at near-Suzaku speed.
[This means nothing. “Suzaku speed” means “any speed Suzaku has ever been at”, and since he’s walked lazily that could mean he’s barely moving]
He went into a nearby alley, and lied down behind a dumpster.
[Wouldn’t he be too proud to do this?]
so he was okay for anything.
[Extremely undescriptive and passive]
Lelouch woke up with a groan.
Suddenly, Lelouch began to sense a very rank odor.
[Wouldn’t that be the first thing he noticed, and not necessarily with any ‘suddenness’? Also: if he slept behind one, he’d smell like garbage]
Lelouch noticed that his stomach was grumbling.
He clutched it, as he hadn't eaten in over a year.
[Really? Sounds like he should be dead then]
He went in, and got himself a brown wig,
[Where’d he get the money?]
going to be $94.58
[Not knowing about local currencies is not excuse: get off your lazy butt and do some research. Use google, it takes 5 seconds]
"Uh, could you just give this to me for free and pay me 20 bucks?"
[Why is this italicized if it’s normal dialog? You already told us he uses his Geass. Another issue: Lelouch is nothing short of brilliant, and he’s also extremely confident. This reflects neither of those]
I see why C.C. loves this stuff so much.
[He ate plenty of pizza due to CC, there shouldn’t be great surprise here]
Lelouch's little sister Nunnally, who was also the Empress,
[We know that, besides seeing it in canon you just told us in the introduction (which is longer than it needs to be). If you’re going to give your audience information, do so in a way that expands/clarifies what you’ve already said before]
I am Nunnally vi Britannia, Empress of Britannia!"
[This repeats information that you’ve already given multiple times. Pretty much everybody watching should know this, why does she have to say it yet again?]
Nunnally is doing a great job at being ruler of Britannia.
[How does he know? This is what we writers call “telling, not showing”. If you had a news report mention success of an urban reconstruction effort in Normandy (which canon implied had been invaded and likely annexed by Britainnia late in the series)]
She's smart, and does not wish to resort to violence.
[More telling instead of showing]
But what I'm wondering, is why someone would want to bring me back?
[Then why wouldn’t he ponder that instead of talking about Nunnally?]
you have sacrificed your eternal happiness.
[No he didn’t, he just gave up the relatively free path of choosing how to be an idiot by himself, instead taking the role of pretending to be Zero now and then]
You have to wear Zero's costume all the time, without taking it off.
[How does he shower?]
This command required you to obey Zero.
[Really? I remember hearing “obey me”, not “obey Zero” (which wouldn’t have been as effective because Schneizel knew Zero was a false identity)]
the new document that is considering being passed by the Britannian government.
[By who, the judge magistrate? The parliament? Tea-time nobles in between riding horses as their constituents starve on the streets?]
Lelouch did not want to see his loved ones on the screen anymore,
[Then why did you put them on a screen in the first place? Absolutely nothing happened. It was better than the ineffectual introduction that does nothing more than regurgitate canon, but since it neither deepens character nor furthers the plot it had no point]
They did not want to mess with her and her Guren.
[1: most don’t know she was the pilot of the Guren, they just know she’s likely a knightmare pilot]
annoyed with Kallen's perserverance
Lelouch walked to Ashford Academy's behind.
[I would assume there are side entrances as well as _rear entrances_]
he saw his grave, all open with the jewel-encrusted coffin still inside.
[As opposed to all closed?]
he took his hat off. C.C. drew her breath.
[Why would she draw _in_ her breath if all he did was remove a hat? That doesn’t reveal anything]
C.C. could now see his whole figure.
[But all he took off was a hat and wig]
Lelouch is seen lying in C.C.'s temporary home.
[Really? All I see is telling instead of showing]
Lelouch was still asleep. She then opened her dresser.
She took out a female Ashford Academy uniform. She put it on.
[Undescriptive, passive, even tedious]
Lelouch looked and noticed how green the horizon had gotten during the time of his death.
[Why, is a sulfurous compound polluting earth’s atmosphere?]
More trees were in the areas,
[Obviously, this doesn’t describe anything]
the ponds and rivers were wider,
[And this is so muddled it’s silly. Are you saying Lelouch’s parting caused rivers to overflow? Riders becoming wider doesn’t make them more picturesque, it makes them more of a threat to riverside life whether that’s human or animal. Keep in mind that nature is a balance, not “bigger things are better”]
and the birds were singing stronger than ever.
[How does a bird sing stronger? What is that supposed to mean? There are more birds? Less? They shriek? Coo? Where do they do so?]
and C.C. took out a key. She then inserted a key into the door's handle,
[Well, most doors don’t have locks triggered from something other than the door handle. Please be descriptive – with attention to _relevant_ details. Does she use a plastic magnetic-strip-encoded keycard? Does she use an old-fashioned bronze toothed key? Is the door modern wood composite? Is it plastic, resin
| KeizerGodzilla chapter 16 . 3/30/2010
Ok,I really like your story,but the LelouchxC.C. thing ruined it for me,I thought of them as having a more innocent relationship,it just doesnt make me feel right that the they have to have sex to make everything more edgy,its everywhere and Im sick of it,and Ive never liked it at all,that is a sacred action that only can be taken upon after marriage,but its your story,and apparantly you like that pairing,I just wish it wasnt neccessary for them to do that.
| KeizerGodzilla chapter 2 . 3/27/2010
Interesting,This is probably finished,but what the ehck,R3 refuses to come out,good job.
| blood lust chapter 17 . 3/17/2010
this keeps getting better. keep up the good work.
| animelover1993 chapter 4 . 3/13/2010
definitely interesting somewhat... i'll just have to keep reading now won't I ;D
| OBSERVER01 chapter 17 . 3/12/2010
| imaginedreams22 chapter 17 . 3/12/2010
XD yay! YOu updated! hm Lelouch and Nemo? :O jk I can't wait for more!