|Reviews for Maple Leaf|
| Lightning Rogi chapter 4 . 8/18/2013
Good story! Things are getting very interesting. Can't wait to see what happens with Rogi and Zola. Also what is old nene up to ? He must have something planned for Zola. Update soon!
| Inita chapter 3 . 2/26/2012
I'm not on my usual time-schedule, so I'll have to make quick with what I have (heh), but I've heard a lot about "Maple Leaf" and I decided to read it... again. I don't want ot miss out on anything ;) Who knows? Maybe I could get you some more readers, or... Okay, I'm seriously ranting and thus killing off my character-limit e.e
Hehe, I read this fanfic a... /long/ time ago :) I have to say, your chapters in this, planned or not, are exceptionally long I'm rather impressed and I may take a whack at it myself ;)
Why am I reviewing chapter 3 rather chapter 1 first? Oh, you're little comment on chapter 4 sorta... /inspired/ me ; (Shu: In other words, she reviewed chapter 3 to tell you it didn't suck, and that it was good.) (Steal my thunder, would ya? -.-) (Shu: Hey! I'm only trying to help!) (Uh-huh, yeah sure ;)) But yeah, I noticed you seemed a bit down about chapter 3's reviews and... ahehe... Well... I know it's been two years so you're probably not upset about it anymore, but hey, it's just like "Precious Memories" ; I reviewed chapter 3 rather chapter 1 first :D
Okay, let's get to it then, shall we? I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to try and critique this... I know it's been two years and all, but still - it never hurts, and it'll help you from making those same mistakes, right :D However, tell me if you do /not/ want me to critique this fanfic; I don't mind, but I'm sorta... on a beta reading hiatus, and I thank beta reading why I write now, so... Yeah, I just thought I'd critique a fanfic or two e.e
So yeah, negatives, and additonal comments that aren't critiques will be in this... er, review ;
- "The orders had all come directly from Nene, but with how haphazard they had been, Rogi seriously had his doubts."; Whether this be to add some slight... 'person/characteristics' or just your mere writing style, I think the 'seriously' is a bit out-of-place here... However, if you did this on purpose, then just leave it and disregard what I said.
- "First they were flying and trying to stay out of sight. Then they were landing to refuel the battleship. Then they were staying put until Delphinium showed up. Then after they'd gotten her, they had to wait - in the same spot - for further instructions. Then they were supposed to leave and get away from that place as quickly as possible."; I would say that these are all fragments, but by the way you have this narration, it seems necessary, so I'll keep quiet about that. However, you're transitional words are quite redundant here... I mean, sure the 'then' adds the needed sarcasm, but there's a fine line between being able to apply these skills to make it sarcastic, or just having it downright repetitive...
I kinda like how Rogi is sticking up for Zola in the beginning; you also do a good job at bringing out Szabo and Rogi's hostility towards one another :) I hate Rogi/Zola, but you do a good job with the one-sidedness... (Shu: I don't think this was out of affection, Inita...) (Huh? Oh! Sorry! ; Misunderstood!) (Shu: ...)
- "Kluke swore in her head, one eye open, the other closed, teeth grinding together. How could she have been so careless?"; The part where you have "one eye open, the other closed"... It may be just me, but I think it should be: "one eye open and the other closed with teeth ground together." However, I don't have a good grasp on the tense written in this chapter, so if you want to move over this one, be my guest.
- "Just keep your cool and do what you always do. I know you'll get us out of this."; I would put a hyphen or a semicolon between "do" and "I".
- "With startled shouts, the group held on tightly to the railings as the ship rocketed through the clouds, barely able to make out the grayish curves that were blurred by the speed, before most of them closed their eyes from the stinging wind."; This sentecne confused me a bit... Maybe it's the wording, or maybe it's because I'm having a hard time concentrating today... It's probably me...My advice would be lower on the descriptions, or try to stretch out certain parts to make it a bit more legible (towards the end) ... Other than that, there's nothing wrong.
- "Kluke said tightly, looking at the radar, which had become operational as soon as they were out of the clouds" The comma after 'radar' is a bit unnecessary here.
Andropov and Cynthia are well in character, and this scene was quite imaginable ;) Andropov's sarcastic attitude towards Cynthia was just so... Andropov-ish (Andropov: That's not a word. You can't put someone's name, and then add 'ish' at the end. You could say it's 'like Andropov' or... ah, forget it.) (Jiro: She does this all the time...) (Shu: Amen, brother.) (Ahem! /I'm/ the critiquer here - not you three, so pipe down!)
- "Without another word, he started striding towards the back of the mechat. When the others looked to see what he was doing, they saw that he'd knelt down by their bags and started pushing them aside until he found what he'd seemingly been looking for - he yanked Kaede's bag away from the pile."; Your hyphen usage is a bit... Well, it's neutral; there are times when it's brilliant and other times where it's just 'huh?'. Unfortunately, this time it's the latter... I don't know... what's exactly /wrong/, per say, but it's just the way you have it phrased. I suppose having Shu's 'adventure' down towards the bags and just suddenly throwing in the phrase behind the... uh, hyphen? Yeah, I suppose it just threw things off course... I'd try to combine the phrase after the hyphen with the descriptions after. (Shu: Wow, Inita...) (-_-)
- "What happened to my bag?..."; Um... This is just me stating an opinion, but when I have a character 'wondering aloud' to themselves, I usually put the periods first and then the question mark. I dunno, but to me, it just looks a bit... 'neater'? But it's up to you how you write it; normally the three dots are considered to be /part/ of the sentence and the question mark is just a completely differnet part - the punctuation, basically. Here, the dots subsitute as a sentence part, whereas they are not present as a form of punctuation. Ugh, sorry that sounded so redundant -.-
Ahehe... Shu and Bouquet panicking... -sigh- For fiancees, they sure do have a lot in common ; (Anime Shu: I am /not/ her fiancee!) (Bouquet: -cuddles up to him- But Inita's right about one thing, darling~) (Anime Shu: ... No, we do not 'freak out' over the same things either!) (Then what were you two just doing when that ship showed up, hmm?)
- "They landed mercifully next to the glass, and not on top of it."; Wording is kinda off... I'd suggest revising. Maybe: "They landed mercifully next to the glass, fortunate not to land atop of it." ...Ah yeesh. /That/ sounded bad -.-
Okay, I laughed a little after the eyecatch part ;) Imagining Shu land like... /that/ just put me in a better mood than I'm in now (Anime Shu: Oh yes, because you /live/ to see me get tortured...) (Game Jiro: No, that's just me.) (Yeah, sorry Shu, but... -sigh- Well, you're not cut out on my list, so basically what just happened...? I laughed because it was so Shu-li-) (Andropov: If you say that word one more time, I will tear off one of your legs, and beat you to death with it!) (...Stupid Andropov... never let me have any fun -_- By the way, when did you get so violent?) (Andropov: Since you dragged me into this mess...)
Aw, the fact that Jiro swore in an undertone just so Ji- I mean, Kaede wouldn't hear was so... I don't know, 'cute/brotherly' of him ; (Anime Jiro: -sigh- Inita, how many times do I have to tell you: Do /not/ use the word 'cute' whenever you're talking about me.)
I like the sudden twist where Marumaro and Kade are searching for the Extra Seven rather Bouquet... Er, wait... I'm thinking episodes ahead - never mind! ; I, for some unknown reason, liked the whole Nene and Kaede... er, one-sided relationship mentioned when Kaede was thinking discussing the layout. Or rather /thinking/.
Hehe, I knew there was a reason why Minotauros was one of my favorite Shadows ;)
Aw, I felt bad for Shu at the end of this chapter :( (Anime Shu: Oh really? Because the last time I was crying for Zola, you were getting annoyed!) (Well that's because I had your English voice actor blaring out of my speakers at the time! If it were your regular voice, then maybe I wouldn't have been so p-ed and annoyed -_-)
Well, I liked it :) I'm sorry - commentary took up most of the 'would-be' critique e.e Plus, your chapters are exceptionally long for this, so in order for me to actually/fully beta read this, I would have to have zero commentary, and possibly branch off into a separate message box or PM :/ And that would /not/ be fun... Well, if it makes you happy, I used up almost all the characters ; Almost down to three digits, actually :)
But really, I liked this, Yamadori Sure it may not be your best in comparison to your usual chapters, but this is pretty good :D
To wrap it up, I /love/ how you write all the anime characters - you know them really well, and you're able to blend this into an imaginable piece of work
Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of time right now to review /all/ the other chapters today - I'll try reviewing chapter 4 as well as the other chapters before you update this fanfic ;) For now, hope you're getting along fine, and I'll add this to my favorites :D Oh, and happy belated-Thanksgiving to you too xD
| Kayla chapter 4 . 11/24/2011
LOVE IT! I wish I could've voted on the poll but my account isn't working! I LOVE this fanfic! I really hope you update again one day :)
| Loomena chapter 1 . 8/12/2011
Write the sequel Maple Sky, please!:D
| MonopolyMouse chapter 4 . 8/4/2011
This is a really amazing, well written and GREAT story:)
I just love it and I HOPE you read this review and write more about that story:)
Marumaro and Kaede are soooo cute(the story's named after her, Kaede means Maple Leaf in English, am I right?)
I can't wait for the sequel!
Please update this story soon!
| Hi chapter 1 . 7/10/2011
This story is really great:) I read all chapters i just review for this one know don't know why:)
It's a good idea That jina is alive and i would like to read more, so PLEASEEEE write more about that:)
I would like to read Futari Kiri of your olanned stories hope you write this...
| Pheeja chapter 4 . 9/6/2010
oh man i really want an update u r da best... where do u come up with this stuff? plz can u also write more kluke and andropov stories cause i like dat pairing alot nd i also like kluke and jiro so plz can u write i would really like dat!
| Excali chapter 4 . 8/14/2010
I'm really really really loving the story! :) please please, update soon!
and thanks so much! you're a great writer!
| kitty67 chapter 4 . 8/14/2010
thnx 4r updating i cant wait 4r da next chapter
| kotokei chapter 4 . 8/13/2010
SENPAI! I was going to capitalize what I have here next, but: . . ' . . .
*sigh of relief* Now that that's out of my system...come on, senpai. We love senpai and every little line of each story to pieces. There's no way we thought the last chapter was bad (at least I enjoyed it immensely). However, I have been ridiculously busy (as always) and was going to get to reviewing...and didn't. *sigh* I have also been trying to start my deviantart, which is part of the reason why I've been working even more than usual...
And another thing. Braving the Storm may be my favorite, but Beyond has never been much behind and now Yami no Himitsu is slowly inching its way up...And I have always loved everything and anything senpai has written (well, to do with Blue Dragon...), and most likely (99.99%) always will. (:
Haha...Er, that turned out longer than expected. But always, I hope senpai is well and happy and miss senpai lots. D: Until next time, senpai! 3
| Excali chapter 1 . 7/5/2010
wow, could you please please update this soon?
i'm dying to find out what happens! :)
it's great! looking forward to reading more chapters! thanks!
| Growlmon1 chapter 2 . 9/20/2009
Loved it! Sorry for reviewing just now, I just haven't had much time to. Jiro being the overprotective older brother, I knew he would be like that if Jina/Kaede were still alive. Marumaro better watch his back from now on, or it won't end well for him. Its good that he's gonna let Kaede fight though, I know she'll be a good help. What the *Beep*! Zola's with General Rogi! Damn that bastard Nene! I bet it had to do with that machine mentioned in chapter 1. If they have to fight her, I don't think Keade will have a problem with it, that is, if she's still angry that Zola attacked Jiro. Well, I hope my questions will be answered in chapter 3! Bye Bye til then!
| Ultimashadow chapter 2 . 9/1/2009
Oops, I meant to type in seven thousand words, but my computer sucks. Gomen nasai.
| Ultimashadow 2.0 chapter 2 . 9/1/2009
Awesome! Another chapter of Maple Leaf! :D Now if only I could write up at least another chapter of The Fourth Survivor... Ah, enough about that. I gotta say, Jiro's doing a mighty fine job as a leader. Even if he is being a meanie. (To Jiro: Again, no offense.) But I suppose he's got some motive to it. I mean if I were in Jiro's shoes, I'd probably be in a bad mood too. And of course, the famous "Maro-kun" that you'd told me that Kaede would say. It's so unlikely that anyone would call him that, it still makes me laugh. XD (To Marumaro: No offense.) :0 Shu... got shot. Wow. That's so gonna hurt in the morning. And that chapter preview left me in suspense. But I have a bad feeling Zola is gonna attack them. (Bad, very bad feeling.) Well, That's all. Keep up the awesome job on this. It amazes me that you don't feel well yet muster up the strength to write more than flippin 7,0 words. I can't even do that! T_T Anyway, sayonara!
~Ultimashadow - The Guardian of the Awesome Darkness
| WindGoddess Rune chapter 2 . 8/31/2009
Yay, you updated! I laughed at the end of the chapter preview! *LOL*
I sent you a message.