|Reviews for A Fool's Reality|
| Kill1 chapter 15 . 2/1/2010
Well Then, Let's see what we got here.
Mara, The ultimate evil, Check.
One Badass Kyoji, Check.
Raim looking like Neku Sakuraba, Check. (I was hoping he would look like Minato Arisato, oh well)
All in all, great chapter, can't wait to
| PeachDaisyAmy777 chapter 15 . 1/30/2010
Well, with another new male added to the story, it just keeps getting better.
Oh my, something that disgusts every single nearby female to bits. o.o That is such a unique concept. Keep it coming, this is becoming super interesting!
| genaroge1 chapter 14 . 1/29/2010
Good Story, I like it!
I've never seen an Author makng references to the real world while writing a story (And by that, I mean all those things about Narutards and Blah blah blah)-
Raim's way of thinking, background, and fighting style remind me of some series I've watched.
Well, I'd give the story a 8/10, the writing style a 8.5/10, I'd give Raim's character a 7.5/10 (Sentient alternate personalities are sort of... unoriginal... Otherwise, I'd say it's a pretty balanced personality)
Raim's Spell Cards are original AND don't suck, so I'll give you a 9/10.
Over all, I give it 8 out of 10 Stars.
| PeachDaisyAmy777 chapter 14 . 1/24/2010
OMG, Glid's destructiveness became useful for once.
Flandre is Win here. Looks like she found someone to rival her strength against. And the results were a draw, which makes it even more epic.
Way to go, can't wait to see what these new people can do, even though it probably won't be good XD!
| Zepar chapter 13 . 1/7/2010
*got disgusted* Please write abotu the eart's palace next chapter and don't you dare hurt my Master Satori-sama or else *smiels sweetly while beign covered by black aura and a devil mask behind her*
| PeachDaisyAmy777 chapter 13 . 1/7/2010
Such a fantastic chapter this is.
Mokou and Kaguya, two immortals which may never get over their arguments. Oh well, even if they never get over each other, at least they serve a purpose. Can't wait for the next chapter!
| PeachDaisyAmy777 chapter 12 . 12/21/2009
Another great chapter! Patchy for the win! Update soon :)
| Zepar chapter 11 . 12/16/2009
This story sia wesome XD It's sad that it doesn't get mroe reviesw
Keep doing your best and keep writing XD *huggles**gives energy drink*
| PeachDaisyAmy777 chapter 11 . 12/12/2009
Such an nostalgic and epic chapter this was.
It's hard to believe that Raim is still standing after a Fantasy Heaven, but he is getting stronger. This story is soo epic, you don't know what can happen!
Keep up the great work! XD
| Quizer chapter 1 . 11/24/2009
This looks like a promising 'outsider in Gensokyo' story at first glance, but that auspicious beginning is slightly misleading. Your spelling, grammar and narration is a good deal better than other stories of this kind I've seen, but the script-like dialogue really hurts your efforts. I have no idea whether it's a stylistic choice or one of expedience, but it makes the dialogue really hard to follow. Those 'Reimu said' or 'Marisa asked' half-sentences that appear countless times in regular storytelling are there for a reason - they tell you not only that someone is talking, but who is doing the talking. Instead of being able to relax and enjoy the story, the reader is forced to backtrack and hunt for clues in the text to find out who is doing the talking.
Likewise, the quotation marks that authors everywhere use to denote dialogue is an extremely important visual cue the importance of which you obviously underestimated. It gets especially bad when the only thing that tells me whether something is spoken or a private thought is a subtle tilt in the font. Many people use cursive font for mental dialogue or thoughts, but it also relies on those visual cues to make it easy to distinguish from other types of text. Do yourself a favor and think a little harder about it before you dismiss widespread writing conventions.
As for the main character and the plot, I like 'outsider stumbles into Gensokyo and has to learn to cope and survive'-type stories. I want nothing more than to find one of these that is exceptionally well done. The beginning is interesting (played The World Ends With You, have you?) and the plot twists as your character gets into Gensokyo are pretty good and imaginative, but I have some problems with the character himself.
I think the story I'm looking for would have to be a crossover, with a character from the second universe stumbling upon Gensokyo and having adventures there. None of the self-inserts or original characters that are featured in stories like this seem to have personalities and backstories as full-fledged as characters from another fictional universe do. That's not surprising - those characters were created by people who do so for a living. But the upshot is that it is really hard to get immersed into the story. Getting into the head of a character you know next to nothing about is difficult and requires a lot of hard work on part of the author.
I'd say this flaw is not a crippling one in your case. The first-person perspective helps in this regard, conveying the attitude and views of the character, and I also get the impression he isn't the type to be entirely passive, allowing events to shuffle him around Gensokyo without ever exercising his own will.
The disaffected attitude is entertaining at first, but I suspect it will start to grate on me if it continues into his journey through Gensokyo (I haven't read far enough to say for certain). But it is at odds with Raim suddenly feeling himself challenged by Reimu because of his pride. Feeling that he is in for a fight for his life and has to defend himself or die would have rang truer. Write his emotions with more consistency or go to greater lengths describing why they suddenly change.
It's the same with the conversation with Reimu after the fight. It goes about how I would expect, but it fluctuates in an unreasonable manner. Emotion is running high, every second or third line surprises the other character, but those lines themselves are all we get. I read it, but it's not enough to make me feel it. Raim keeps talking for paragraphs without narration to let us know how his feelings and thoughts change during the conversation. If you use first-person, you really owe better to your readers.
(The Phoenix Wright reference is funny, but a story can't subsist on inside jokes and shout-outs alone.)
I like that he lost the fight against Reimu as soon as she got serious - its a realistic assessment of someone's first exposure to danmaku. If anything, he should have lost even more harshly. I won't believe anyone who tells me they reached Letty on their very first time playing Perfect Cherry Blossom, having never played a similar game before. For some reason, you failed to describe what effect Reimu's amulets hitting him had. Did they have no effect, and if so, isn't that noteworthy in itself?
All in all, this is a laudable effort. The script-type dialogue is really the deal breaker on this story - if it wasn't for that, I'd have found it easy and engaging enough to continue reading past the start of the third chapter. I know this is a pretty harsh critique, but it's honest, not meant to hurt or discourage you. I hope you find some of them useful.
| PeachDaisyAmy777 chapter 10 . 11/23/2009
Excellent, excellent story. Everything about this story was very, very interesting! From the 'bad luck' to the Imperishable Night, this is one super awesome story. Keep it up!
| YinYangWhiteTiger chapter 3 . 9/30/2009
XD I'm starting to love this fic... and a male 8D I like strong girl characters but too many is too many
| Isekaijin chapter 1 . 5/5/2009
Nothing specific can be said about Touhou characters, given the fact that nothing about them is sure (or oficial for that matters). Especially those two, which are the least portraited Touhou characters.
You did well exploiting their attributes. And your vocabulary is good. I give you that.
Now onto the bad.
You are hardly the first one who places a human in Gensokyo. And you are clearly influenced by the Suzumiya Haruhi style of narration. Please be a bit. And give the main character (who is probably yourself portraited) a bit more of personality than the usual tsukkomi one(usually dark and cool ones tend to be a bit... boring). Those characters tend to be bland unless portraited well.
In next chaper he will be in Gensokyo, right? what does he see, who does he meet and what will he do will be the most important things in mind. Please take care of that.