|Reviews for Early sparks, A familiar new enemy|
| Beta Galaxy chapter 1 . 3/13/2010
I thought this story was very well written. In my last review, I left quite a few suggestions on the table.
This time around, however, this is not so. The story got me interested, it sucked me in, and made me feel like I was a soldier right in the thick of things; in the war with Nutt. I loved the progression of the story, and you really captured the atmosphere on this one. When it was supposed to be tense, I could feel it, when it was innocent and niave, I felt it. I also loved the use of page breaks in the story to create suspense and impact, specifically the line that went from "Paws trembled, a few whimpered." straight to,
"It was silent again."
The small things in this story make it that much better than so many of those before it, and I encourage you to continue improving. There was only one problem that I had with the story, and it was a rather small one at that. Most people wouldn't catch it unless they knew military stuff, and being it a different military altogether, this might not apply. But in the military, a messy dorm is something that doesn't go lightly, and I noticed some of the stuff was a tad off as far as what goes on behind the scenes in military places, but again. Since this is not the same military I'm familiar with, things can be different.
I thoroughly enjoyed this story, and hope that it can branch into one full blown fiction one day, in a much more detailed and broad spectrum; with chapters that go in depth with who these characters are and where they once came. Keep writing, I would enjoy some new material to read.
| This Is My Horse Dammit chapter 1 . 7/28/2009
Ya know, I think you have a future as a Author and a famous one too. Keep up the good work!
| Akatsuki Seal chapter 1 . 5/14/2009
It's just wonderful!
I'm in envy of your skills of writing.
I'm flattered, I really am. You make a girl feel loved. D
Greyfur sounds like a person that everyone would love to be around; brave, smart, loyal, everything you would hope a good soldier to be.
I love the way Nutt is a little kid again. I guess, for Nutt, it must seem like moving into a new town or city, you don't know who is around you and what they could possibly do.
You outdo yourself everytime you hit the next key on your keyboard. I adore your work! Bravo!
p.s I'll try to get the next chapters out soon ;)