|Reviews for The Heir Apparent|
| Mr.Me-24 chapter 22 . 4/11
| Guest chapter 4 . 4/2
Rukia in south Africa a dream
| Guest chapter 1 . 3/16
I don’t understand why some people find it impossible to do the very basics of formatting within their writing, or they choose to outright use something in their writing incorrectly when they’re called out on it.
| madeleine1606 chapter 13 . 1/23
Just one thing, not all of the translations are correct.
| Guest chapter 32 . 7/28/2020
listen we ask god to forgive our sins but carnt we forgive others vengerence is thine said god only jah can do it two wrongs dont make a right only jah can judge us king of kings lord of lords from the conquering tribe of judeah
| Guest chapter 27 . 7/28/2020
i spit in his face and call his mother a dirty dog whore fucked by all the dogs in the street gamy sham weston
| Guest chapter 20 . 7/23/2020
dirty quincey bastards german desecents from hell
| Guest chapter 13 . 7/23/2020
theres always evil whores like her cock sucker the whore of babilon satans whore
| zerodarkwolf chapter 60 . 6/13/2020
Press F for Ichiruki in the chat boys
| LEA chapter 24 . 4/14/2020
In all actuality, the USA doesn't have a national driving age like most countries. The individual states decide, though the average is 16 years old. Also, the state with the youngest driving age is Alaska, at 14 years old.
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/2/2020
| ABeaupain chapter 59 . 8/10/2019
An excellent story. It’s clear you spent a lot of time making sure the pieces all fit together, and then making the characters come off the page. Good luck with your original works!
| ABeaupain chapter 38 . 8/10/2019
Great story so far! It’s clear you took the time to make sure all the pieces fit together.
Maybe this is covered in a future chapter, but it would have been better to see why Urahara / Yoruichi / Renji couldn’t attend the coronation. It’s a once in 1000-3000 year event, and for any captain to miss it seems like an insult/political statement.
| Cosmic Nihilist chapter 60 . 9/24/2018
Okay, lets get down to it.
First things first, the title, summary, and tags are very misleading. This story has almost nothing to do with the things listed. The whole royalty thing had so little to do with the plot that it could have been removed completly and made no difference to the over all plot, to be honest I forgot that Ichigo was the Heir Apparent for like 20 chapters until it was mention in a single sentence towards the end. A better title for this story is "Sins of the Past" as this story focuses almost solely on thr Quincy massacre that took place 200 years prior. It feels like you were trying to do the royalty thing for the first 5 chapters or so then lost the plot or was bored with the idea. Plot threads were constantly forgotten and brought up quickly and jerkily, often with just a paragraph to summarize then moving on. Example of this was Rukia's Bankai, trained for it, got it, kept it secret for a month, then finally when it was time to share we got a short paragraph of, "So she explained it, the end." And the reaction to it was just, "Oh, thats cool, good job." Nothing else. It just felt like you were trying to cram as many cool ideas for plot lines into a story as you could in hopes something would stick.
Some characters devolep and got some good work in, but most just kinda react and do almost nothing but fill space. You were switching focus between so many characters that the overall development of them suffered a lot. No one really changed or really grew except maybe Rukia slightly and Kyoraku a bit more. You started off each character with what had seemed to be conflict, but then it gets swept under the rug. Renji, being the weakest captain, Toshiro struggling to improve, Ichigo becoming a Captain with no idea how to be one.
Onto the ending, it was anticlimatic mostly. Rukia using her Bankai was pretty cool I guess, Kyoraku's Bankai battle was also decent, The Marx fight was actually pretty boring and Ichigo's fight was dull. It was the Climax, the final battle, it was time to pull out all the stops, not find a way to arbitrarily limit his powers, thats something that you do mid story, so they have to over come it to become better. His fight's ending was god aweful as well. "I can't move fast move ." Wham, done. All the other fights, minus Marx, Even Rommel's, all gave the chance for the combatants to do something cool, to show their hard work, But Ichigos was just disappointing. Also the whole death fake out with Kyoraku was just in bad taste, he wasnt even dead for 5 lines before you said you could bring him back to life. It was pointless, either keep him dead or dont have the scene.
To finish up, you had critiszei Kubo for Not being deep, for being a good world builder and character creator, but lacking substance. Pot calling the kettle black in this case.
All in all, it wasnt a bad story, the plot line was interesting when you focused on the Quincy plot line, your fight scene's for the most part are cool to read, and your beginning was good as well.
A soft 7/10 Fun to read for awhile but the loose plot threads, the degeneration of the main plot points, and the overall lack of pay off will leave something wanting.
I think you have a lot of talent, there were moments that had me engaged and I didn't want to stop reading. All it needs is refinement. You were redeemed in the Kyoraku moments where I can tell you enjoyed writing the most.
| Cosmic Nihilist chapter 46 . 9/24/2018
I have to ask, why was Daiken or Izumi not punished in the same way as Aizen, Tousen, and Gin and sentenced to hell. Their actions led to a full fledged war breaking out, created Aizen and the Quincy menace. And lead to the final destruction of the Captain-commander's son with his soul being destroyed. In your world you stated that a soul will never changed, wouldn't that mean they eventually they will do the same exact thing and breed sedition amoung the Gotei 13 and soul society to enact what they think is right. Honestly at this point im just hoping either Toshiro or Hina are killed by a Quincy ability to make repairations for both Yamamoto, his son, Chad, and all the other's soul destruction which they are directly responsibile for.