|Reviews for Blue Dragon: The Sacred Stones|
| Dixie Chic chapter 3 . 6/29/2011
i'm glad your back _
but where's andropov? i want me some andropovXklukeXjiro love triangle ... moo... HAHAHAHAHAHA
| Inita chapter 3 . 6/22/2011
Hey, this is SnivyGirl07 (also known as, Inita) :) ...Well I guess that was obvious, huh? ;
I have read this in the past, but I don't mind rereading just to give ya a good critique. Now I must say, I do feel honored that you and Kasumi think of me (and Yamadori, Rune, An, Growlmon... well I guess that was obvious huh? They're good writers.) so highly. And I'm glad you guys were able to get a new computer; these bloody machines do get a bit old over time.
When I visited this site today, I noticed a huge drop in fanfics and realized that you were back. Clicking on the link to your profile, I was a tad bit surprised to see that you had deleted all of your fanfics save for three. One request (or question it seems) I do have: Do you still plan on updating anything Jiro/Kluke related? XP Just curious.
Sorry; here's my actual critique on the story:
- "...on one side of his Frelia uniform, and a bow kept at the other," I've checked this sentence (the whole thing in fact; I only just cut a bit off) and realized that you can take out the comma after "uniform"; it's unnecessary.
- " having everyone's attention" Now this is just a choice of words I'd use rather than "having". I prefer "grabing everyone's attention", but I suppose this is alright.
- "My apologies, Princess Bouquet, but..." Again; another unnecessary comma. This time, it sorta matters. It seems as if Jiro's pausing at every two words. If you wanted him to pause that much, you should've just added three dots.
- “scouting the third village, he'll give the note that it's safe to cross” The tense you’re writing in gives this difficulty to coming to the proper solution... I’d suggest changing “he’ll” to he would. For some reason, “he’ll” just doesn’t fit with the tense you’re using.
- “A few minutes passed, and Jiro saw no threats at all” Another unnecessary comma; don’t get lost in the sea of commas.
- “That was before he heard a fire.” Now here, I would add a comma after “was” or add three dots to make it seem a bit more dramatic. Right now, it sounds a bit rushed and if someone were reading it, they would most likely become confused. Why? Is an explanation really necessary?
- I’d try to add in more detail on certain points; you’re fanfic looks a lot like a dialogue fic as it nears the end. Whether this is caused by rushing (which is created by the need to upload the chapter RIGHT NOW) or you get carried away with speech, it doesn’t matter. Now most people don’t mind this type of fanfic; I do. Now you don’t have to go and change it just to make one person happy, but it’ll probably give ya more credit from other readers.
I can’t believe I’m giving you one, but... I have to give you credit; your writing has improved a lot from the beginning. I’m impressed by the amount of detail (although a bit minor towards the end) you put in.
And that’s all. I have one (or shall I say another?) question though: You say in the summary that this fanfic is about Kluke and Jiro. So why are the main characters Shu and Kluke? I know Shu’s the prince (Kluke’s brother) and all, but so far we haven’t heard from him at all (P.O.V wise I mean). It’s up to you whether you want to replace Shu’s name and put Jiro.
Bien, that’s all for now.
| Hoookay chapter 3 . 6/22/2011
looks good so far, i ll be waiting for an update :) i just noticed u deleted most of your blue dragon stories.
| xXxAyamexXx chapter 2 . 9/3/2010
when are you going to make chapter three?
| FangFantasm chapter 1 . 5/16/2010
Nice! You matched everybody perfectly. I'm happy that someone has actually played this game. It's my favorite :D.
| WindGoddess Rune chapter 2 . 5/16/2009
wow, this is story is so cool and I never played Fire Emblem. XD
Keep up the great work!:D
| Yamadori chapter 2 . 5/16/2009
Great chapter. :) Everyone seems to be fitting into the roles of their Fire Emblem counterparts. _ At least, as far as I know... I didn't get to play that much of the game. XP Also, the plot is developing very nicely. It was nice to see Zola and Daner, too. I'm eager to see what happens next; looking forward to the next chapter. _
| Crescenta chapter 1 . 5/15/2009
this story is great! its really adventurous! please make the next chapter already! please! please! PLEASE!
| Yamadori chapter 1 . 5/14/2009
This looks like it's going to be pretty cool. _ You're right - the characters relations are definitely different. XD I'm curious to see how everyone will fall into the roles of the other characters... I never got past the first few maps in Sacred Stones, but I always wanted to... That's besides the point, though. A very good combination of the two universes - I'm looking forward to seeing more. :)