|Reviews for Yurusare wa Shinai Darou|
| MapleRose chapter 1 . 12/14/2009
You obviously write with a lot of passion, I can tell by the emotion you put into the characters' feelings. I didn't like Lyle either, but I'm understanding his views a bit more as I watched more of the series.
However, I found it very hard to read through your fanfic because of all the random Japanese words in it. It just disrupts the flow so much to have to switch from one language to another. It's your stylistic choice, however, it makes the reader have to so much more work to have to scroll down and translate the dialogue, and I imagine it's more work for you as well, to actually put a translation table, so I don't understand why you need to do it. Okay, so the series is supposed to be in Japanese, in the anime the characters all speak in Japanese. If that's the case, when why aren't *all* the dialogue in Japanese? Is it to sound cool then? because it doesn't, it just makes it confusing. It's like.. imagine you're talking to someone, and all of a sudden you say a sentence in another language, and the other person looks at you confused, then you tell them, "oh I meant this". It's redundant and inconsiderate for the listener. Same thing with writing, it's the writer's duty to convey their feelings to the reader, and if the reader has to do extra work to understand, then the writer isn't doing a good job. I think the most important thing from a piece of writing is getting the idea through, not to "sound cool"...
As for the lyrics, I also find it distracting. And the fact that you had to write it down 3 times is unnecessary. Since this is an English fic, I don't know why you had to put the kanji lyrics in, when 99% of the readers won't understand it anyway.
As for the Author's note at the bottom, it's a bit tl;dr ... I mean, it's nice to read the author's inspiration and thought process, but when it's almost as long as the story itself... I think it belongs more in a blog than in an author's note...
| San child of the wolves chapter 1 . 8/20/2009
And thanks for the heads-up on the Gundam 00 Movie. I didn't even know they had one(util now of course).
| Andy Wong Fey Hong chapter 1 . 5/24/2009
Wow, even after reading your fic the second time, I still don't quite know how to properly review such a long fic. I would have prefered to review the story itself first, then put separate review for your auhtor notes, but sadly, we can only post one review per chapter. So here goes:
As I've mentioned earlier, I was astounded by the depth of characterisation and in-depth analysis of Tieria and Lockon. It makes me glad I didn't immediately close the browser window the moment I saw Lockon X Tieria tag on your fic. But I was bored, and something about the title made me think that perhaps, this is more than a slash fic. And most idiotic slash fics don't have more than 10,0 words. So I thought to myself that maybe this could be a good and serious fic, even if it did turn out to be a slash.
The story started very well enough, beginning with Lyle venting his anger at Setsuna. You really did well in the sense you didn't change anything that already happened in the actual episode, instead adding the inner thoughts of everyone (except Setsuna, which I was rather disappointed, but I understand this is about Lyle and Tieria). You beautifully integrated cannon scenes into your own fic, which is what I like rather than some fics practically re-writing the entire script. However, I don't quite agree with your tactic of integrating Japanese words with your English text. It created a bit of a hassle scrolling up and down to the bottom for the translation. I know I should just watch the episode again, but while I do add Japanese words to my english text sometimes, you did quite a lot, at times replacing entire sentences with it.
E.g. Aitsu wa modorou to shiteita.” He spoke, his voice frighteningly steady. “Innovator dewa naku, ningen toshite.” I know you are trying to preserve the magnitude of the scene by putting the Japanese words, but for me, it didn't quite flow for me, I had to scroll down to see the translation which kinda interupted the drama moment for me. If I were you, I would have rendered it in English. Not all of us can read Japanese, or for that matter, recall the episode scripts word for word. But like I said, it was your style and it still well done and smooth flowing.
The only other thing that I didn't quite care for in your fic was the songs inserted. But that is just me, I have always hated Gundam 00s soundtrack, with the sole exception of the song Marina wrote. OK, the I love you, I trust you song I liked as well, but otherwise, I didn't like the rock-type music Gundam 00 had. Since I didn't like most of the soundtrack, I'm not quite familiar with the songs so I can't put the tune to your words so I most skipped and missed the songs parts.
OK, that's pretty much my only gripes: the inserting of too much Japanese words as well as the song inserts.
In regards to Tieria stepping in as a counselor and friend to Lyle, well, frankly I'm as surprised as you to know that the stuck up "holier than thou becoz I'm connected to Veda" could end up being as human as everyone else towards the series end. to see that guy mellow to the point of actually being in rage at the sight of Ali Al Saachez for killing Lockon firmly cemented Tieria as my 'good guy list'. I love stories where the characters in the begining are not the same as the end, Tieria I believe is the one who has shown the most change throughout the whole series. Setsuna changes only a little, I still don't know what to make of his relationship with Marina. Kindly message me your thoughts on that later.
So your portrayal of Tieria was fantastic and also ingenious. You clearly showed that Tieria cared deeply for Neil Dylandy without grossing me off and making it sound like gay love. It was more of a deep "I would die for you" kind of friendship. To extend that care to his brother was also very well done. LOL, can't believe that he of all people would be the first to come to Lyle with a bottle of whiskey on hand. I don't think I've even seen that Innovade drink in the series.
As for Lyle, well, my heart cries for him. Frankly I didn't think much of him until the Anew romance part, which in my opinion, was painfully short and spontaneous. It was almost as if the directors of Gundam 00 decided to randomly pair Anew and Lyle one episode, and next thing we know, they are in bed with each other. (albeit, not doing anything naughty) Ah well, for what its worth, it finally made Lyle vulnerable and not as emotionally free as he portrayed himself to be. I didn't like the way he seemingly shrugged off the fact that Setsuna was a part of KPSA or that Ali Al Saachez was the instigator of the bombings without any emotion. I find that ridiculous, even if it was true that Lyle spent most of his life away from his family.
Anyway, I won't bash Lyle further, not after he lost Anew. Interesting that you interpreted his vow at Anew's grave in the end as a vow of celibacy till death. I didn't quite thought of it that way. After rewatching the episode again, I guess it was logical. to me, Lyle will never be as good as the Neil character, but the show could have been a lot worse. At least nobody can beat the enternal whiner known as Shinn Asuka from Gundam Seed Destiny (worse show ever). to me, Lyle redeemed himself the moment he was willing to show mercy to Ali al Saachez. that was another turning point for him that made me respect and even like him.
There's a whole lot more I wish I could say, but I'll leave it to you to ask me if there is anything else you want me to comment on the story. I thought I just cover my opinion on Lyle, Tieria as well as what I thought was bad about your story.
In the end though, I grade this story with an A
Take care and thanks for such a great fic.
| chibijem chapter 1 . 5/18/2009
Loved this story. Lockon is my favorite character and I cried buckets when Anew died-don't want to go into how many tears were shed over his death in Season 1-and wished they had dealt more with Lockon's emotions afterward. Very in character and so well written. Cannot wait to read more from this wonderful writer.