|Reviews for TO LOVE Ru: RitoLala|
| Aldebun chapter 7 . 4/23/2010
plz make more chapters
| UmiNight Angel Neko chapter 7 . 2/27/2010
more please i like your story
| Rigorin chapter 2 . 2/6/2010
Not bad. I would give you constructive criticism, but I'm not the most literate myself so...
I will say this - I don't think Yami ever calls Rito "Yuuki-kun", but rather "Yuuki-Rito". I could be wrong, mind you, but you should look it up if you haven't already.
| Knight-Bishop chapter 7 . 1/21/2010
sweet you updated...awsome chapter
your loyal fan,
| Aaron Leach chapter 7 . 1/20/2010
| HeadBangin' Metal chapter 5 . 1/11/2010
Vagina! Dude I was peeing my pants the entire time...oh crap that was semen!AH!
| Appy79 chapter 6 . 11/20/2009
I am so making this my favorite please update soon
| to love ru fan lalaxrito forev chapter 6 . 11/5/2009
this is by far one of my top five favorite fics please continue i am annonomiss because i forgot my fic password
| animefan chapter 1 . 11/4/2009
hey dude can you tell animehearter that lalas sisters name is Nana and the wedding dress can be found at deviant art/lalarito
| to love ru fan 1 chapter 6 . 11/4/2009
i will keep bugging you until you finish writing your first story please!
| atlantisatlan12 chapter 6 . 10/2/2009
| Gingyz chapter 5 . 9/9/2009
| Gingyz chapter 6 . 9/8/2009
| ClanCrusher chapter 1 . 8/31/2009
First of all, your summary doesn't tell us a god damn thing about the story. All it says, is that you "might" be bad at writing. Yeah, that really draws the readers in and makes them want to read your story. Strike one.
Your entire first chapter, or prologue is less than five hundred words. That's not even enough for a school essay much less a prologue to a story. Generally, you should always shoot for around two thousand words a chapter, maybe fifteen hundred for a prologue. Either way, yours is too short. Strike two.
Finally, the entire story isn't formatted! Hell, this is just one big block of text from start to finish! You need to start a new paragraph every time someone new is speaking! This is standard writing practice and one of the fundamentals of writing. Mainly because it turns this festering eyesore:
“Rito, what’s the matter?” “Your NUDE in my bed, that’s what’s the matter!” “I only wanted to be with Rito…”Lala said so innocently. “Lala it is inappropriate.” “Why?” “Because only lovers sleep together” Rito explained. “Oh, but I love you so it’s okay!” Lala shouted jumping onto Rito (still nude).
Into this version, in which you can at least tell who the hell is talking.
“Rito, what’s the matter?”
“Your NUDE in my bed, that’s what’s the matter!”
“I only wanted to be with Rito…”Lala said so innocently.
“Lala it is inappropriate.”
“Because only lovers sleep together” Rito explained.
“Oh, but I love you so it’s okay!” Lala shouted jumping onto Rito (still nude).
So yeah. Strike three. I'm done. Try again next time, or at least format the story you have and work on it a bit more. Maybe then I'll review your actual story.
| The PhantomHokage chapter 6 . 8/26/2009
Ok nice chapter I liked it nice work with the voice taking over partly and I don't know the chapter but I do know it's when Run and Saki hired Yami to take beat up Lala so they can embarrass her as well as Run's chance at getting Rito possible I don't know another but I do think she does it in the new chapters where they are at the new water park and that creature attacks them she does it for a brief moment I hope that helps