|Reviews for Balance|
| Bad Wolf chapter 8 . 8/22
By the way. I remember somewhere you saying that you aren't good with dialogue. I have to disagree. From what dialogue I've seen in this story so far you do have good dialogue, it's just the rules of parsing it that you have some trouble with. You don't need quotes around every sentence if a person is saying more than one sentence in a row. Also, two people do not have dialogue in the same paragraph. Here's a little example of how to parse it.
Harry looked over at Sirius. "I don't know what you are talking about," he replied.
Sirius smirked right back at his godson. "I'm sure you don't."
Anyway, good story and you do good work. Just thought I would throw a little constructive criticism your way to help out. You want to make sure never to use anything you read in fan fic as an example of writing/grammar/syntax/parsing etc. My love of fan fics had me making such mistakes when I took actual writing classes. But yeah, keep up the good work.
| Bad Wolf chapter 1 . 8/22
Know this... I love this story. This is my fourth time rereading it so that should prove it.
That said... There is one thing that just annoys me so much I sometimes really want to delete the story from my brain after reading just the first few paragraphs.
WAY TOO MANY different names/titles/descriptors etc for Harry. The potter heir, the potter male, the young potter, the messy haired youth, the green eyed youth, the teleporter, the shapeshifter, etc etc etc and so on and so many variations of the above etc. No matter how accurate and/or well placed they are, they are still TOO many and TOO varied. Use his name, possibly a nickname or descriptor ONCE IN A WHILE, pick a set of pronouns, and stick with it.
Sorry, had to be said. If I remember correctly, this issue isn't quite AS bad in the following chapters, but it's especially annoying and enraging in this chapter because it seems to happen every other sentence. It makes me want to gouge my eyeballs out with a rusty spoon, eat them, and then disembowel myself.
Before you consider deleting this review outright, remember my very first line. All that hate I just spewed... And yet I still come back to this story time and again. I love the rest of the story that much.
| Zomvee chapter 18 . 8/13
Damn dude it was awesome.
| zekses chapter 1 . 8/6
The constant stream of "names" for Harry is horrible. I can't continue throught that
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/29
I couldnt get past the first damn page of this story cuz the names for Harry were so annoying. Granted it appears to be a good story but I'll never know for sure due to my ability to not handle the sheer annoyance.
| Bradley chapter 1 . 7/25
Sorry if this is blunt, but you need to stop making names for Harry. Like, some variation is good, but this is way too much.
| chronodaimon chapter 18 . 7/25
Great story. Love it!
| NarutoSpardaUzumaki chapter 1 . 7/13
I really like your stories but sometimes I get tired by the myriad of synonyms you use for the protagonist. Harry, the Potter male/heir, the preteen youth, the young man etc. I appreciate the variety you offer because some authors simply write "Harry" ad nauseam but really so many different ways to call him in so little sentences screws my reading a bit...
| Stratre chapter 15 . 6/13
you know i have tried my damnedest to read this through but i cant anymore it has a great plot and i would love to finish but i have not seen harry say one word in 9 chapters
nobody has it all been third person and its driving me fucking nuts
| daemonbarber chapter 2 . 5/10
Sorry to say, I'm giving up on this story. The fourth time you describe Harry in some new way, in the same paragraph, is just too much.
| Ray chapter 18 . 4/26
I loved this story!
| fivefingerfredy chapter 1 . 4/25
I'm wondering that, out of the 131,720 words in this story, how many were used for descriptors of harry potter? It was exhausting and difficult to keep up with the storyline and enjoy reading this fic half-way through the first chapter. Please send this to a beta, because I really think the story will be good.
| leylinjan chapter 2 . 4/20
change every description of Harry ('the resourceful young male', 'the messy haired pre-teen', ...) for just "Harry" or "he", and your story would already be twice as good ;)
your descriptions are very distracting and become a bit annoying
| Azeroth the Second chapter 4 . 3/5
The Weasel Malfoy thing was hilarious.
| Danish Zaidi chapter 3 . 1/27
I am sorry i can't read your story anymore. You are going way and beyond implausible. I could somehow be able to think that harry is a one in a million years genius but now he is able to teach hermoine occulumency that snape and dumble; two master occumens can't detect or beat. And why would harry do this for a random stranger. I mean in that way he made everything harder for himself unless somehow miracilously he taught hermoin occlumency. I like your story but you have to think your logic through. I will read your next story to see how your writing has improved. I have to say a hard part in a story is finding a concept; you did that admirably but than you go and say things that are so stupid that i want to bang my head against a wall. I know i know that this is a finfic and as it's writer you have the right to do anything you want but as a reader i have a limit. There might be many who like it as it is; if so i giv good day and a see you next time