Well the logic, thinking and details going into all the magic, techonlogy etc that went into this story is still amazing. Way more then anything the orginal authors put into this series and I really like the fact the Asguard played next to no role in this fic. Most their being allies with Harry be a critcal part of his operations.

The same basic flaw of almost the entire story being in 'summary mode' still apllies. We the readers are simply told what happens, not shown. Nothing is really in 'real time, no conversations or actions are described.. just past tense summuries of what happend.

Actions when Harry gets to the Ori chapters seems go crappy to. Daniel, Sirius, James seem just be disasters waiting to happen.. and harry keeps putting up with them doing nothing but endangering all he works for on their stupid stunts. Not mention putting them in postions of rather high authority. I also kind feel the extreeme measures harry goes to make sure no one dies, every one is imortal etc kind of silly. People die.. unless automaticaly makes people on the philosphers stone sterile be huge poplulation problems with nearly everyone ageless and if actualy do die brought back with time travel.

i have to say i like this story.i dont think i've read one quite like congrats on the orginal storyline.

Nice mix between Hp and SG1/SGA. Little and funny story to read, Nice work Brawo!

this is very interesting story idea and one of the best i have read in a while. i like how you are using facts that correlate to explain how both star gate and Harry potter universes could coexist. i justs started reading this and got through the first 7 chapters and cant wait to read the rest you have posted so far as well as any more u post for ths story.

My only real complaint was that the story read as a "this is this, that is that, this happened, that happened" more of an instructional manual than a story.

Overall as a fan of both universes I liked it. You do need a beta as there were words that were spelled incorrectly throughout the story. For example, the Asguard are spelled Asgard. There were a few others that I don't recall off the top of my head. Other than that the story was a very interesting process.

I personally would like to see a spinoff :)

I think another reveiewer hit one the major issues on the head, the story almost totaly ignores dialog and 'real time' action after a while. Seems turn into nothing but a summary of events or cliff notes of the action.

And long as this story is, I don't think it's nearly long enough for how ambitious you are about what to include. Seem want include YEARS worth of material.. many of which summed down to one chapter often not more then 5k words or so.

I think in future works either include less time, or take the required effort to make each year worth reading. Each hogwarts school year or two should nearly be a story on it's own if you really go into detail, and if not use the time skip to it's full advantage and get past them. But eventualy should hit a spot you consider 'a starting point' of your divergance and slow things down. Fast past 'time skips' are okay, if they stop.

great story there are one or two things that need work tho. one being when people are talking:

“Well if by that you mean if you’re a fugitive from the ministry do we turn you in if you come into make a transaction or do we turn over your vaults if they order us to then the answer is no for either.” “We take oaths to never disclose any of our client’s information to anybody outside the bank without the clients express permission.” “That also applies with all Gringotts employees.”

if you read this you would think more then one person was speaking when all of this was from one person.

Good start to your story, I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter.

First off, wow. You've obviously put a ton of time into this story. You've got the deatils done very well, and everything is very well thought out. It's long too! I can't remember how many words, but again, wow. I don't know if I could ever pull something like this off. I wouldn't have the patience. As some constructive criticism, the beginning of your story had quite a bit of dialogue that all ran together. This might have been due to formatting, but having all of the quotations marks in the middle of paragraphs interrupts the flow of the story. The second thing, by the latter half of your story there was no dialogue at all. Dialogue tends to keep me interested in a story, I like to read characters interacting. That's all I can say. It's an amazing story, and I can't wait to see more from you!

pretty good story

if your next story is any where near 10% as good as this one, i'm in

it took me straight hours to reads the whole thing, i'd have preferred that it came in smaller chapters

well woah! that dude was one intense read and i loved every minute of it D your knowledge of stargate is incredible P

ok constructive critism time D

first of all you might want to think about separating the story up a bit into multiple chapters (Y) not only would that make it much more digestable for the avid reader it would probably help you more in terms of separating ideas.

this brings me to my next (hopefully) constructive critism which is that (you might laugh at this) but its too short. Because of the way you've written the fic i.e. in one chapter all the ideas seem compressed and a bit jumbled and well seem more like a series of synopsises than a continuous story, which is where i think that having multiple chapters would aid you for it would enable you to flesh out your story and make it more epic than it currently is )

in terms of story line, extremely ambitious, and i liked it ) you might hear a few complaints about overly used cliches, the most prominent one i can remember being harry's inheritance in excess of a few billion etc but tbh all of that is really up to you and i enjoyed regardless

at the moment thats all i can really comment on cos that all i can really remember P, i suppose you could separate dialoge aswell cos that would reduce confusion but apart from that amazing fic!

I'm a big fan of long chapters, but 130,0 words? That's just a bit over the top. There's no way I can get through in one sitting; in 'normal' fics, I can just bookmark whatever chapter I've gotten to, and that's that, but when it's all bundled together like this, I'd have to copy and paste a phrase into a document - which is not a whole lot of work, but significantly more work than I'm used to when reading on the net.

The story itself is broken into chapters, so why post them that way?

Finally, get a beta reader - the story's not a complete mess, but there's a lot of commas missing; and a beta reader could help with the issues Vilkath mentioned, as well.

Logan Blackisle

Vilkath hit the nail on the head for most of it.

I also think a lot of the story went by way too fast. Add in more dialogue, give some more detail, and lengthen the events out. It felt like I was reading short summaries of the tv episodes most of the time.

Well first off I have to say how impressed I am to see a story like this completed, before it was posted any where even far as I know. The idea's and writing were not done to badly either. I will say this story could of used a lot less of the over done cliche's in many things like Gringrotts bank having tons of money, vaults to merline etc for Harry after a simple blood test. Things like that really did not need to happen and to just to be thrown out there was silly. Specialy given how inbred purebloods are some one should been heir to one those vaults before Harry.

Some basic grammar and mechanics could of been improved, little things like starting a new line every time a new person is speaking in a conversation, like the back and forth between Harry and the goblins was a bit confusing when just one after another. I suppose lots more I could talk about but as I am still reading I guess it have to wait. I will say that seperating the fic into multiple chapters wouldn't have hurt, especialy if you want insightful reviews on particular events instead of a glossed over view. You wouldn't have to post each seperately but breaking this story into 4 parts or something would of helped.