Reviews for Echoes of the Narbeleth
lara5170 chapter 6 . 3/9/2021
I thought Haldir had 2 brothers, Rumil and Orophin?
lara5170 chapter 1 . 3/9/2021
What does she look like?
Paganisten12 chapter 7 . 10/27/2020
He GAVE her AWAY!? What a jerk! And everyone is just like "Well yeah sure he did. Too bad you spent your life locked up, but hey you're free now so what does it matter. He did send TWO elves to check on you YEARS after receiving no word of his expendable second daughter, so he's totally in the clear. Such a great guy that father of yours!". If he gets all fatherly and controlling later and starts making more crap decisions on her behalf, my head will explode. All he gets to do is beg her for forgiveness and pray she's able after what he put her through! Gah!
Underclass Kid chapter 21 . 2/7/2015
Your OC is definitely a mary sue, as many other reviewers said, and they had stated their reason for that quite well too.
Nimdae Elrondiel chapter 1 . 11/28/2014
AutumnNinjaaaaa16 chapter 1 . 2/2/2013
It's not bad. I'm scared to think Adariel will be a mary-sue. I'll keep reading this. It's a good idea, but I'm not entirely fond of the fact that she learnt everything from observations.
Enchantress Starlina chapter 21 . 1/16/2010
this story is good but you need to work on the editing because there are weird symbols all over the place especially in the last few chapters.
Vaneria Potter chapter 1 . 10/13/2009
It's not awful, but it could definately be better.

Your spelling and grammar are good, but you do have a few inconsistancies. I recommend going over each chapter a few times before you post it.

You've managed to make the names more or less canon-accurate, though I should probably point out that ADARIEL is a combination of sindarin and quenyan, actually meaning 'daughter of father'.

There is a LakeTOWN near the lonely mountain, but I don't recall a lakeWOOD anywhere. A bit more explanaition would be nice.

Canon-sue or not, Luthien Tinuviel was and remains the fairest of all elves, Arwen and Galadriel being close runners-up. Also, as much as I personally think it would have improved their Order, there were no female istari. Nienna made a good choice in sending Gandalf, though Aule tended to drop the ball with his servants (Sauron AND Saruman). Maybe they thought that Melian was enough.

I hate to say it, but Adariel is sounding very inconsistant, and teetering on the brink of becoming a mary-sue herself. Try making her a bit less accomplished. For example, a self-taught archer is going to have a few flaws, and unless I'm mistaken, she has little to no experience in actual combat. Live targets don't just stand around waiting to be shot. Have her miss on occasion, and no five-at-once fancy shots.
EuphemiaD chapter 15 . 10/17/2008
omg they have to kiss some more!
Lozenge727 chapter 21 . 6/5/2008
Brill! Please update soon! :P
Sable Gloom chapter 11 . 1/21/2008
how come this chapter stops so suddenly? it just ends as "There was a ripple from the front of the line and all the horses"
sparrow's strumpet chapter 1 . 5/1/2007
This lady reminds me of The Lady of Shallot, and Legolas is her Lancelot. It's a beautiful poem, the lady is confined to her tower, and is held there by a curse, and if she were ever to leave the tower, she'd be doomed. But one night, she hears Sir Lancelot singing and ventures out to seek him. She floats down the river, but dies before she ever sees him again. I hope Adariel finds a better end.
hermonine chapter 21 . 10/29/2006
Great story. Keep up the good work and update soon!
BOB chapter 21 . 5/14/2006

I started reading this story at ElvenDestiny's recommendation. After reading her essay on Mary Sueism and its various ramifications, I decided to check out an epitome of an MS, thus coming to "Echoes of the Narbeleth".

Okay, constructive criticism, here we go! *Jumps into a roller coaster* Coming?

Stop No. 1: Grammar and punctuation

I've heard through the grapevine that English is not your first language, right? Well, if that's so, then your grammar and punctuation are (relatively) quite good and up to standard. In the first few chapters there were some minor bumps and pitfalls, but as the story progressed, your grammar became better. Good job.

Stop No. 2: The flow of the story

All authors have problems with the pacing and the general flow of the story. Unless an author sits down and types an entire story within the length of a day, without stopping (highly unlikely), there are always going to be excessively sluggish and/or action-crazed chapters. You do a pretty good job of stretching out the chapters and moving the story at a good pace, except for the middle of the story. (Although EVERYONE has trouble with the middle...dam* middle!)

Stop No. 3: The names, places and the colloquialism

(Claps) You've definitely done lots of research in the names and places department. Lakewood sounds somewhat familiar to me...hmm...oh yes, I think it's the town of men near the Misty Mountains. Anyway, each character's speech was fitting for his/her position in the story. Yet another point. *scratches point on imaginary scoreboard*

Stop No. 4: The characters comes the controversy. If I correctly interpreted the allusion in Elven Destiny's Mary Sue essay, I believe this story is merely a guinea pig, if you will; "Echoes" has been a device you've used to prove Mary Sue's mass appeal to the readers. However, even with that bit of information in mind, I raised my eyebrows and flippantly rolled my eyes a bit in the first chapter. Adariel is the fairest of all elven maidens, and pure of heart. She's witty, brave, fearless, cold, tragic, and...well, pretty much perfect in terms of character traits. Yes, she may be rash and unattainable, but that just makes her more of a catch-men and everyone else like challenges; there is mass marketing appeal for a heroine who keeps us on our toes. Initially, Adariel annoyed me to no end. She could shoot arrows and string a bow without trying hard? Granted, elves are gifted with the innate abilities, but to have Adariel be able to shoot fantastically just by observation? That rang a bit false to me.

However, you did develop the characters as you went on. Granted, the first romantic chapters between Legolas and Adariel were bumpy, but you gave them time and enough maturity to get comfortable in their niche as the romantic heroes.

Stop 5: Beginning, middle, and end

As of now, I'm still not sure what the climax is, or whether it still hasn't come about yet. However, it is suitable for the climax in this sort of adventure story comes about in a later time, ie perhaps when Adariel takes Legolas back (I'm positive this will happen *winkwink*). The exposition was a bit rushed, as Adariel rushed from Lakewood immediately to Rivendell, and then to Moria. Also...Lakewood's specific location was never laid down...other than those two points, the beginning/middle were pretty well organized and knitted together.

(And now...we're almost finished...just one more point...)

One of the reasons I never liked Luthien Tinuviel much (the LOTR purists gasp, "Sacrilege!" and point fingers at me) was because of her absolute and extreme perfection: she was a god in an elf's form. Her heart was never tainted by evil-in fact, her outer appearance was a mirror reflection of her inner goodness-and just that fact ticked me off. Elves are prone to jealousy and vices as much as any of the other races, and their revenges are always more terrible, their grudges having been nursed for so long. Take Feanor, for example. The elf was DEMONIC. His quest for the Jewels led the entire Noldoric race to practical extinction. And Luthien's own father, Thingol, was corrupted by the Jewel. How could she steer so clear of the lure of evil that others could not resist? It was boggling. It is for the same reason that I dislike your portrayal of Adariel. I understand that your inherent purpose for the creation of such a character is to prove the appeal of Mary Sues, but the creation of an absolute and near total image of perfection pokes me somewhere. Beautiful and virtuous protagonists are fine. I have nothing against them. However, when a character exceeds the maximum limit of perfection, it becomes a sort of nuisance. Also, it may be a trick of my mind, but Adariel sounds rather...self-righteous in the speech with Eowyn in Chap. 21. Adariel herself was quite "poisonious", if you will, in the first chapter. She was content to sit at the window and be still. She could have gone outside of her home to find something to indulge herself with. But by remaining at home and drowning herself in her misery, she only exacerbated the situation and made herself even "icier". I find it hard to believe that, after staying at Lakewood for her entire life, she suddenly decides to jump up and leave her home for a quest. If she had been that whimsical, she could have left her home far before the Quest.

I can't condemn your story because the main character is a Mary Sue. But, I really wish that you could have focused more on making Adariel more of a believeable and earthy character. I understand that the essence of Mary Sues is the essence of every female's dream: to be beautiful, virtuous, and loved, but please try to embrace reality by installing some more believeability into this story. I really felt, in some parts of this story, that I was reading a (to borrow ED's words) " 'Sue fest". You have definite potential to make this an even better story.

Please continue writing this! I'd like to know what happens, and whether the denounment will be a happy, conclusive one.

Thanks for reading this, and don't let the haters/(ridiculous) LOTR purists down!
jada952 chapter 21 . 2/16/2006
I have faithfully read all the chapters that proceeded, and enjoyed them...only to get to this end? no more story to Gondor and beyond




happy writing w/ other tales then.
651 | Page 1 2 3 4 11 .. Last Next »