|Reviews for The Greatest Fan of Her Life|
| XSuicuneX chapter 4 . 8/27/2010
That was a GOOD one! I liked that one. Like the idea of Jou being a dueling teacher (quite possibly underneath Kaiba's employ) too. Though...seriously...obsession much? They have schools for it now? Oi. Main reason I don't watch Yugioh GX.
Short Haired Mai is awsome. *can't wait to read the seaquel*
| jenuinetears chapter 4 . 8/10/2010
Nice story! I've already read this once before, but that was when I was an idiot and didn't review anything.
I love how this is so realistic. How Mai is plagued by her nightmares, and how she didn't go running off to Jou right away once he appeared on top of that building too. The dialogue makes sense, too; Jou's so desperate to get her to not do this.
I do think there was a small mistake italicizing (sp?) in the last chap though. After Mai said some dialogue and then "make it stop!", Jou rethought her words and it was like this: "iMake it stop./i". I think the brackets were missing or something.
This is an intruiging plot idea, and I'm off to read the sequel and see how Mai recovers (if she does...?)!
| Bookfanx100 chapter 4 . 8/6/2010
awww, love conquors all! muhahaha!
| LILY chapter 4 . 7/5/2009
Hey this story is beautifull ... CONGRATS !
| The Rainwalker chapter 1 . 6/29/2009
Hey darkrunner, listen up any day now if not already a friend of mine Illidan the Half Demon should've sent you my e-mail address. Feel free to drop me an e-mail any day now.
| penny3 chapter 4 . 6/3/2009
Wow, Mai has some major PTSD! I hope she can get hope.
I was so worried when reading chapter 3. Thought she'd succeed at killing herself. I'm so happy that didn't happen.
| The Rainwalker chapter 4 . 6/3/2009
Hey darkrunner. they blocked out my e-mail address so I'll get an account here A.S.A.P. we'll talk soon I hope.
| The Rainwalker chapter 4 . 6/3/2009
Hello again darkrunner. This is The Rainwalker. First off I did notice you corrected your mistake and I appreciate that young lady. It's good to see you've put up the final chapter to this story and again you've tugged at my heart strings. You've got quite a knack for that. All right I'm working on getting an account here I'll let you know when it goes down. In the meantime why don't you send an e-mail from your e-mail address to this one. This e-mail address belongs to an associate of mine named Thomas. his e-mail is . I'm not worried about this information much you see my associate has LifeLock and anti-virus protection. So any information on future stories, any responses to reviews, or anything in general you want to talk about send there until I get a proper account here. Now on to the matter of this story.
This final chapter I'll admit was a trifle slow. But I saw how Mai's emotional wreckage puzzle fell into place. After everything she's been through even a woman as strong as her would be an emotional wreck. Ah, bad dreams of a traumatic experience and she's unable to overcome them. I clear sign of severe PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) it occurs in a lot of Iraq war vets. I had a friend in Iraq and he ended up real messed up even before the surgeries he had on the leg that got hit. You showed Mai's pain and Jounouchi's desperation to keep her close and help her nicely. And you have my most sincere compliments.
Okay here's some writer's advice for you. Beware of what I call the 'said' syndrome. that is using the word said every time a character speaks. Substitute in action verbs to describe how they feel before they speak (And I know you can do that VERY well) also look for different words that are the same as said (EX: snarled, murmered, fumed, etc.) Use said from as little as possible to not at all. That's something I learned from a published writer. And I know with your writing capabilities you can do it too. Remember the theasuarus and synonyms are your friends.
You've done well darkrunner and I look forward to hearing from you soon. In the meantime stay true to yourself and keep your family and friends close. Until next time from the land of rain this is The Rainwalker signing out.
| r0gue lebeau chapter 4 . 6/3/2009
Aww! That brought tears to my eyes! Now I just need them to kiss passionately!
| LuckyBlackCat chapter 4 . 6/3/2009
I have really been enjoying this fic and waiting for the next chapters was awful! THE SUSPENSE WAS KILLING ME! But I do cliff hangers in my fics too, and it's a good way of keeping it interesting.
When I first started reading this, I thought "Oh he'll just go and say 'Don't jump' and she'll just back down and cry, everything will be O.K. But at the end of the 3rd chapter, I was thinking "Oh God, she might actually do it!" I don't think any other fics have made me think along those lines for before. You cruel, cruel, person!
Thanks for not having her plunge to her death, though. I don't like character deaths! If there's a sequel, I'll be reading it.
| arashi wolf princess chapter 4 . 6/2/2009
Its really wonderful. I'm glad that Mai won't jump off though it would affect Jou the most. like the idea of a possible squeal to this story. I know i would read it for sure. Update when you can.
| r0gue lebeau chapter 3 . 5/26/2009
No! Mai can't die! If anyone can reach her, it will be Jou...he must! I don't think I could take it if he didn't. Awesome chapter...left my heart racing!
| arashi wolf princess chapter 3 . 5/25/2009
Dark runner I read many of your stories of this paring i still can't help but be amazed that the characteristics and the detail for the feelings in this story. You manage to draw out your reader's emotions with story. I just hope Mai would listen to reason instead of taking the easy way out. In life, you got to try to face your problems and I think Mai does find this hard. In many stories i read for polarshipping not many people still consider Joey not to be that mature but in reality he does seem older then Mai when it comes to the point. And it shows in this story where Joey tries to get Mai away from the edge and he realizes to the extent of her problems. And the only therapy that would help her effectively would be joey by her side.
| The Rainwalker chapter 3 . 5/25/2009
Hello again darkrunner from the land of rain. (The Rainwalker takes you aside.) Uh, darkrunner before I get to this review we need to get something out of the way. I know you didn't do it intentionally, but still for the record it's The Rainwalker not the Rainmaker. There's a joke in my family about a relative of mine trying rainmaking once and ending up knocking out the antennae of a local radio station.
Now to this chapter of this story. My, my the tension you've created is extroardinary. I couldn't help but find my heart pumping and thinking, "Please Mai, don't do it, don't jump."
You have a knack for tugging at people's heartstrings, serves you well it does young padawan. Your words have really painted Jounouchi into a real corner and I'm very impressed with your work. I noticed that you've tried to scurry around using said a lot and are using action verbs to describe how people are feeling. That's the sign of a true writer. Using said too often gets a little tedious so use other words for it (EX; pleaded, growked replied, etc.). It's not enough to just SAY how a person feels but SHPWING how a person feels with action verbs will make them more compelling to the reader.
Ah, and the evil 'to be continued' tactic shows up again. It's good that you're using it but be careful not to use it too often in your stories. The 'to be continued' tactic gets a little tedious after a while.
Overall you've done very well, O just hope there's a happy ending to this story. I'm kind of a sentimental kind of guy as in I like to see the guy get the girl in the end. That's just how i roll. Well until next time this is The Rainwalker saying keep yourself focused and disciplined, and good health and luck to you.
| The Rainwalker chapter 2 . 5/23/2009
(Reviewer steps out of the shadows.) Good day to you darkrunner. I am The Rainwalker, a benevolent and mysterious figure from the Pacific Northwestern U.S. who travels through this website reading and critiquing stories if I'm intrigued enough. And after reading a number of your stories I've decided to patron your stories. First off since I'm a man of honor I'll let you know off the bat I am an adult, an aspiring writer of science fiction and fantasy, and a card carrying Polarshipper. I've got several mangas from the Yu-Gi-Oh series and I've watched the anime series so I have an understanding of it. I noticed the obvious spark between Mai and Joey/Jounouchi. The fact that they held back is something to which I say kudos (Applause), kudos, kudos, kudos! I'm a strong believer that the minimum age for certain er...adult relationships is 18 for a reason.
But enough of this let's get to the matter of this chapter. First off you've got some good spelling and grammer. I think it's pretty safe to assume you have a word processing program of some kind. Good for you darkrunner. Nothing turns me off to a story faster than frequent use of misspelled words "The Horror, the horror!". I appeciate the fact that the OCs you've used in the story haven't been Gary Stus. I've never seen them myself but I've heard horror stories about them and their female counterparts the Mary-Sues. As a writer of original fiction I leanred a long time ago that readers are more likely to relate to the character who'll win the award for most likely to fall flat on their face proverbially and/or literally. Ah, so Jounouchi is a teacher eh? Interesting, very interesting. And the banter between that male and female teacher added some real spice to the chapter. Ah, someone's about to jump off the top of Mai's apartment complex, 3 guesses as to who it is and the first two don't count. This is some nice tension to end the story on. The old "To be continued" play may be frustrating to a reader sometimes but it brings them back for more everytime Muwhahahahahahahaha (Cough, cough ahem).
Anyway keep up the good work. And here's a little bit of writer's advice. Remember the mantra of writing, focus and discipline yourself. Take care of one story at a time otherwise you'll end up with a nasty case of writer's block. Well I'm all done here. I look forward to the machinations you have in store for the next chapter young one. Until next time from the land of rain this is The Rainwalker signing out.