|Reviews for After Dawn|
| Lani13 chapter 13 . 11/22/2009
i got so lost in this chapter sice its been so long since you updated. i dont remember a single thing from this story! consider doing a summary of the story at the begining of the next chapter to remind us? dont if im the only one who feels this way, i can read it all again! xx im sure it was good though!
| Raven Jadewolfe chapter 13 . 11/22/2009
finally an update! I seriously the the fat girl happy dance when I saw that you'd updated :-) one minor detail though sweetheart, you gotta spell their names right rofl love ya!
| We are human chapter 12 . 9/4/2009
| We are human chapter 10 . 9/4/2009
| We are human chapter 1 . 9/4/2009
Interesting intro...I like it.
| Izzy chapter 12 . 8/6/2009
Hey I am in love with this story! U are doing a great job and I can't wait till the next chapters come out. I hope you keep Jake and Nessie together and not let this Peter guy get in the way! haha
| Eviltwin4Rin chapter 6 . 7/21/2009
Why did I fond his touch so much? Why did it comfort me so much? – What were you trying to say at the first sentence?
He was the sun that my world revolved around. – That was a truly romantic line. I see it a lot but still it really worked here. Made me smile.
That ‘Get stuff off of your chest’ saying should be banned. – The best line ever! I was laughing about this all day.
Now this is too much like real life drama. I think I like your rendition of things. I was talking to the screen telling them both to just fess up and talk about their feelings. It was excruciating for me to read this and feel the love of the two made me cry. Yeah it did, I’ll say it. But that is what good writers do, they get their reader so engaged into the story that the lines of reality cross and emotion spreads from the screen to your heart. This was a painful but great read and I would say I thank you for making me cry but I have a headache so I will shake my fist at you with a smile instead.
| Eviltwin4Rin chapter 4 . 7/21/2009
That was a nice bit there. Jasper a Cop! LOL’D. At least when he told the suspects to come peaceably they wouldn’t resist. Oh and the whole business about how he feels sorry for the criminals shows a very good side of Jasper. I don’t remember what happened after he and Alice left in Breaking Dawn but this is good enough that I might pick it up again and see. Thank you for re-kindling the love of that book. Really.
(She ran to me and through her arms around my shoulder. – Okay that is ‘she threw’ hey this is really good and solid so I really have nothing to say so just clean up the typos as I find them okay? Ahem…)
.(As for Jacob not realizing that Bella was still in love with him that whole triangle still makes my own heart hurt terribly. I hated the second book since I experienced her depression with her and that longing to have that love that would never be…..Okay that’s all I will say before I cry….)
Oh my GOD! Get it Chief! That was worth the wait to read this chapter and I was so floored I had to read it again! Oh this is so good. I don’t know if that really happened in the book but it is so fitting and Sue having a baby is really a twist I did not see coming. Good to see someone remembers that life does not end after age 21 and well making love is something that is not reserved for the young at heart. LOL’D! This was really clever and it is really a well written piece.
| Eviltwin4Rin chapter 3 . 7/16/2009
At the end of Bellas thoughts – I really like how you gave her such a funny job. One because she used to hate being around blood. Two because we see that invampire (I would say inhumane but shes not and well…) way of keeping herself under control is still there and able to resist urges. I like how she and Edward still have that eternal flame glowing and it felt like reading the novel sort of. I remember those little phrases Myers wrote about to illustrate how the little things in a releationship can set any lover ablaze and the little playing around was really cute. I truly smiled and said ‘Aw’ to myself so excellent there. Like you really needed to be told but hey, it flowed perfectly.
“I almost forgot.” She fronted a gasp. The kiss was powerful, and moving. She is definitely getting an exhibition.
I love the aggressive Esme. That was totally cute and I said ‘’Mereow, get it girl”. I like how you are still making them so realistic and oh so loveable.
. I mine as well get that over with now. I reached for the phone but before I could pick it up it rang. – I think you meant ‘ ‘I might as…’ and I like how Dr. Cullen is so at wits end and everyone else is moving along like nothing. I was rather nervous too. I tell you what you are doing with words is really good. I was wondering when Bella would mess up but then I remembered I had read this before actually. Great job with making me feel something while I read.
Oh so she is still that strong and showing to be queen of the coven. I had to put that there. Now for Dr. Cullen’s thoughts and all – I think you did a good job of portraying him and keeping him into his character. I love the little romance that keeps he and Esme’s relationship crisp. I don’t see anything that was too off from what I think things could have been like and by me not finishing the last book than I will say this is holding my interest more so than it, so bravo! I liked how Edward also left the responsibility to telling Bella to his father. Coward. But I still love Dr. Cullen’s reactions to her and his thoughts when she shocks and amazes him. This is good. Really good.
Over all as I have said, hands down you got schkills and when you become famous just dedicate a chapter to me okay? No one has to know who I am but I will know who you are referring too. Heck, I ll make sure you sign my first copy of your book when you get published. I’m going to stop here and check on a few things so until then take care and keep your chin up!
| Eviltwin4Rin chapter 2 . 7/16/2009
Jacob the P.E. Teacher…LOL’D!)
.” Imprint! Come on. I realized I was staring but I couldn’t stop. (Heh…Really is he imprinting? This was so cute and I figured they were saying nice things about him. But Jacob is always such a tease. I guess he was just messing with Jacob here.
( - I went to school on the Res.) I can’t believe you used an abbreviation for Reserve? Please fix that.)
What is wrong with this kid? Maybe he wasn’t into girls. No, I would already know that. - We were a pack. Maybe he wanted me to help him out. Yeah, that had to be it.
Jacob playing match maker is too funny and the whole being in Seth’s business was cute. He’s doing a good job of working as the pack leader. Of course if he isn’t then that’s fine since like I said I haven’t finished reading the last book.
He was going to get it on patrol tonight. I could also get to the bottom of this role he is playing here. I never had the control to play the strong silent type. (Oh Jacob is too funny with the match making….LOL’D!)
(Okay no one saw this huge teacher take a girl from class and out the back door? So far most of it is realistic, but that is the only part. Now I see how you are getting everyone’s point of view but I don’t like how I keep re-reading the same action. I would suggest shortening some portions or something so the reader is not like okay well this is what is going on. I figured from the reactions of the characters what could be going through their minds, so I don’t actually need to have it re-hashed to me. I hope you understand that. Not to be harsh with that, but it is a suggestion.
Overall this is still very interesting and the whole scenario of them being teachers is rather funny. I like that Jacob is still thinking of Renesmee but there is a mature look about things and I am glad that he has not gotten to the romantic aspect. I feel sorry for the guy so I have to see if you will give him any satisfaction. I will post more after you have responded to these too…..OR I WILL KILL YOU! Heh….no just kidding..Till the next chapter. Ciao!
This is not as much as before since your writing is excellent. I don't know why you want reviews. I can't imagine having enough vocabulary to tell you how awesome this is so far. Well it is cool beans too! Heh. You are certainly a marvelous well planned author and I know that just with a taste of this story you will definitely acquire a fandom of your own that will propel you into much fortune and success. I have the rest and if the internet allows me to I will post it.
Till we chat again...
| Eviltwin4Rin chapter 1 . 7/16/2009
This is a great start. I have not finished the very last pages of Breaking Dawn, it just got boring to me, but I ‘m glad to see you put in this character Peter. I had to laugh out loud with the way you described his seeing of Edward’s name…Shock and Awe. That was really clever of you…Oh and the pace that you are taking in this is rather refreshing. I wish I knew more of what he looked like but I guess that will come later. I think you are so far catching my eye to what this new world of Twilight will be also.
. I stood up uncontrollably. The teacher shot a look my way but this time I did not look down. He just stood up in class? Man that was an impulsive move
I knew they didn’t stink. I had showered, brushed my teeth. What did she smell? I looked around the class and they had their own ideas. I love the ‘you stink moment’ that was good…LOL’D.
. Uhm. I take it she was smelling his blood? Okay this is interesting.
She now was like my father a betrothed, for a lack of a better word, was a shape shifting "descendant of wolves". Things were a little confusing. ( You need to look at this wording. - She now was like my father a betrothed, for a lack of a better word, was a shape shifting "descendant of wolves". Things were a little confusing. – Just clean up what you are trying to say.
“The boys here have never seen anyone that…” The bell stopped him before he could hurt my feelings.( This was cute that she did not realize the boys were probably oogling her.)
. (The wet Tee-shirt thing was priceless. I am still giggling on that one and trying to imagine them. HILARIOUS reaction of Edward.)
The paragraphs I’m talking about are before this "Marks, Peter Marks." (These few paragraphs are a little confusing and I think you may want to look at it and read it out loud. The going back and forth I understand what you are doing but I got a little lost. Just look at it. It may have been just me.)
Oh I was right! Happeh Dance! That was really exciting. I like how you kept to the writing style of Stephanie and did not try to take it totally out of the way she would write it which made it an even better read, IMO. I also like the new character and the way he is sort of like the male counterpart of Bella. I have not finished all of Breaking Dawn but I don’t mind reading this and commenting. This was a very up beat read and I really think you are very good writer. I didn’t find anything that messed up the flow for me since I’m at work so that is great and the overall story was a true testament that you understand what a fan is supposed to do with his/her author’s works. Great job! I’ll go ahead to the next.
I hope this will work.
Just let me know if you agree since this was pasted from my computer from microsoft.
| Harcad chapter 1 . 7/13/2009
I like it. It's a great plot-Edward as the teacher-haha...
You have a great writing skill
on to the next chapter
| The Phantom's Scholar chapter 12 . 7/13/2009
I'm reviewing! I don't wanna die, M!
Alright! I reviewed every chapter! And I mean it when I say this: I will not ask for review paybacks for the reviews I typed up for this story. The awesome review you gave me last night for Carmelita was like a million individual reviews so I owe YOU reviews!
Hugs and kisses
Your favorite SOTO!
| The Phantom's Scholar chapter 11 . 7/13/2009
YAY! I LOVE THIS CHAPTER! IT WAS LONGER!
| The Phantom's Scholar chapter 10 . 7/13/2009
I HATE HIM, Enough said, luv.