|Reviews for It Is By Our Choices We Are Judged|
| Shadow Lighthawk chapter 4 . 6/18/2009
Ohmigod, can't believe you stopped right there. I know it's not a cliffie in the traditional sense, but I desperately want to know what happens next.
A lot of that need to know is driven by how horrified I am at Lucius' choice of tactics. It's completely in line with his character, but that doesn't make it any less disgusting. To force a marriage - the very idea turns my stomach. James' actions were utterly predictable, and while awful, didn't come as any kind of shock.
What I really want to know are the reactions that will come of this. I imagine - I *hope* - that Guiseppe will be horrified and infuriated, and fight this on Harry's behalf. I think Toni will also be angry. It's Harry's reaction that I'm most interested in and worried about. How will he feel, knowing that James signed him away without even consulting him? What will he do with a betrothal suddenly on his hands? I would hope that he wouldn't meekly accept such a thing. I know that I would be utterly infuriated. And beyond that, I want to know how Draco will react, because that will tell me a lot about his character. Will he be pleased that Lucius took steps to secure his happiness (which is, I know, what Lucius' motive is. Though I'm sure he delighted at the chance to make James Potter squirm.), or will he be upset that Lucius has probably offended Harry, Harry's family, and denied Draco the chance to win Harry's heart honestly. If Draco is pleased that Harry will be forced to wed him, then he's lower than scum, and I shall Wish Him Ill. If the latter reaction is the case, then there might be some redeeming value in Draco. Maybe. And yes, I'm every bit as overprotective as Harry's family. Harry deserves the best, and Draco is currently Unworthy.
And you know one of the really horrifying things? I don't know if Lucius meant his comment about having ways to break willful spouses.
*sigh* Well, I'll set that rant aside for now, with the understanding that you'll probably hear from me again on the topic. I have what you might call Strong Views on the idea of rape, which is exactly what a forced marriage would be.
I do appreciate that you gave James and Lily some dimension. That's one of my big issues with Sibling-Who-Lived stories. James and Lily aren't black-hat-wearing, moustache-twirling villains, they're bad parents. Which is a different and more insidious kind of villainy, and one you've done a decent job of capturing.
I should also mention that your story summary contains a warning for 'MPEG'. Now, I understood what you meant, but some people are going to see that and wonder why you're warning for a file extension. As to my thoughts on Mpreg, I really don't like it, but I find that I can tolerate a moderate amount of tastefully done Mpreg in pursuit of a good story.
Character-wise, I think Harry and your OCs need some fleshing out, but you have a pretty solid foundation here. James seemed to be sliding into two-dimensionality during his meeting with Lucius, so that’s something you might want to work on next time you have James in a scene.
As a caution - you should avoid the trap of feminizing Harry just because he's a 'bearer'. I don't care if he carries children, whelps puppies or lays eggs, he's still *male* with all that that implies. That's actually one of the reasons I hate Mpreg - authors use it as an excuse to write a female character with male anatomy. It makes me cringe.
On the mechanical writing side of things, I've noticed a few typos and grammar errors, but nothing terrible. I do wish you'd fleshed out Harry's youth and his schooling a little more, but flashback-style backstory is perfectly valid, and you can build very interesting tensions using it. And on that topic, you don't need to label your flashbacks as 'flashback'. I've always found that a wee bit irritating, to be honest. If you time and date your scenes, that's an easy way to let readers know you've journeyed into the past, though it does require some effort on your part to figure out what year things happened in. The other method is to italicize the flashback.
The only other thing is that I've noticed some POV slippage, by which I mean that you've slipped from one POV to another within a scene. I'm from the school of writing that considers that sloppy. I only noticed a couple of instances, and normally I wouldn't harp on it, but your writing is quite good, and I, as a reader, have a vested interest in helping you improve. _~
I'm very much looking forward to seeing where you take the story. As you can tell from my earlier rant, I have very strong feelings on rape and forced marriage, and I’m viciously protective of Harry. My reviews will likely be… tumultuous. On the other hand, it’s definitely a point in your favor that you’ve made me care so strongly about your characters. Can’t wait for the next chapter!
| Obsidian-Dragon-Phoenix chapter 4 . 6/16/2009
Great story so far, I can't wait to read more interactions between Lio and Draco.
| the croc chapter 4 . 6/16/2009
Ooh! The courting's about to begin. I can't wait.
| ams71080 chapter 4 . 6/15/2009
What happens next?
| Casse01 chapter 4 . 6/15/2009
First of all, I have enjoyed both your stories and hope to read more by you.
Now, I find it hilarious that Lucius totally out-Slytherin both the kids and James. James is going to be in for a shock when it hits the papers that he promised a bearer to the Malfoy heir. But, there is another MAJOR element that Draco and Lucius are going to have to deal with... The Zambini's. Actually, part of me wants Giuseppe to confront James for doing this.
Definitely enjoying the story, keep up the humor part. Casse
| pie108 chapter 4 . 6/15/2009
I have a question is Edmund even the-boy-who-lived or was that just a complete misunderstanding
| annv chapter 4 . 6/15/2009
that was great can't wait for James to find out about Harry
| lilsteves chapter 4 . 6/15/2009
James Potter is a horrible father. Harry should melt down those father of the year trophies and turn them into rocks to throw at him for what he's done. Just...UGH!
..Ok I'm done ranting now. This is a fantastic story. Please update soon!
| Luc chapter 4 . 6/14/2009
Damn, since in the last chapter Harry was only referred to as Lio, I really expected to see the moment when Draco heard his real name. But it seemed here as if he already had :(
| joey chapter 4 . 6/14/2009
I wonder if what Lucius did a good thing or not. I mean I think Draco wanted Harry to want to be with him not "forced" to be with him. This plan could backfire in some way. Plus this could also really piss off Harry's real family. I consider the Potter's Harry's "relatives" and he has no choice about being related to them... but Harry's family is the ones he picked and live in Italy and they are not going to be happy with what Lucius just forced on Harry. Even if it is James that signed the papers... Harry's family are going to make the Malfoy lives miserable because of this. Especially if Harry isn't happy. Lucius should have never have done this I know he probably means well but he is going about this the wrong way. I mean his wife made him prove himself so he should give Draco that same chance. Should give Draco a chance to "woo" Harry. Just my thoughts still like the story and look forward to more. thx for the update
| Sweet-single chapter 4 . 6/14/2009
?wait so blaise and draco know he's a potter? you never had a scene that they knew until now and i read the last chapter over and it has harry introduced as lio so i'm confused. but still love the fic
| aylan chapter 4 . 6/14/2009
While I do admit that this is the direction that I wanted the story to go I wish someone would stab james right about now.
| Knightvanilla chapter 4 . 6/14/2009
Oh my, how could a father do that, what an absolute ... ! Though in turn makes a very interesting plot, CANT WAIT TO READ MORE,. Im looking forward to reading how harry/lio reacts,. Hope he is happy,... UPDATE SON
| ShadowCub chapter 4 . 6/14/2009
James so prejudiced, so stupid!
Longer chapters please.
| searching86 chapter 4 . 6/14/2009
Harry would just have to understand that sometimes sacrifices had to be made.
Wow! That is just horrible. I can't wait until the idoit finds out about Harry.