|Reviews for TDI:Island Break|
| Psychid chapter 1 . 1/25/2010
This very chapter would pretty much BE "the horrid thing". Delete it now.
| Randomness Equals Happiness chapter 2 . 12/25/2009
Man,You can make an OC,but don't make it all YouXGwen,and please re-write this story again! and stop with the YouXGwen already! It's just a tip,ok?
| ZeekRocks chapter 1 . 7/30/2009
This story needs to burn you fucking idiot.
| Nickspaz17 chapter 1 . 5/30/2009
I will be more better, and in on June 22nd, Let the love fly.
My version of Things Change. Everything goes to Chern.
| But You Can Call Me Willow chapter 1 . 5/29/2009
| TheWriterFormerlyKnownAsNixon chapter 1 . 5/26/2009
Alright, you've finally improved on the spelling and grammar a bit, but it all still needs more work. A lot more work.
You need to work on a lot of things. Like actually going into detail about stuff instead of saying "This happened" and then "That happened." And so on. Explain why things are happening like why they were all in ths cabin. And not by having a randomly picked character say it in a sentence.
That leads me to my next point... The dialogue could also be A LOT better; it just feels like the characters speak to keep the plot going instead of actually having conversations. Make them talk like they would, they just feel like robots to me. It's... Boring.
The good thing is that this story actually seems to have a plot unlike your previous... Well, whatever the heck those were... So perhaps I'll give it a chance.
But seriously man, you've got to stop with the whole You/Gwen thing. It's just not right. Go ahead and make an OC, just don't base it off you. (Come on man, 9 and 16. Seriously.) Of course, this is all assuming you ARE planning on doing that sick, ridiculous crap in this story (And I mean that, because it really is just plain sick and ridiculous, sorry.) You definitely have improved on other stuff though, so I'm sure you can do even more. Just drop the You/Gwen idea for the sake of your readers, improve a BIT more on the grammar, go into more detail about things, and make the characters seem human.