Reviews for Unwritten
forbesquee chapter 23 . 10/11
I want morr
totalreadr chapter 23 . 12/9/2015
Reading the conversation in chapter 22, I just...can't forget that as far as Snape is concerned, Sirius Black *tried to kill him*. And almost succeeded, too. (*And* Snape's inability to discuss it with Lily greatly contributed to the end of their friendship.)

I mean yeah, it's in character for *Sirius* to take that lightly...but *Snape* OTOH...

I just...see trouble ahead.

Canon Snape's opinion that James Potter and Sirius Black's problem was their "arrogance" strongly suggests to me that as far as he's concerned, they simply...did not have the right to take it upon themselves to keep attacking a peer. Teenage Lily's "hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can" suggests the same complaint. But canon Sirius with his "he deserved it" never confronted or accepted that concept - not even when it came to Snape's near-death, let alone the "milder" routine bullying.

I don't see Snape ever managing to be civil with a Sirius who had not accepted that he (and James) had never had the right to keep attacking Snape. And...canon Sirius never accepted that.

Even if Sirius decided (as James decides, in onoM's "We Sort Too Soon: The Journal"), that he had misjudged Snape and should never have attacked him because Snape was not bad enough to have deserved it...the problem is, that is not Snape's issue. He doesn't admire Sirius or James and wish them to think he deserves to be treated decently for that reason.

Rather, what he objects to is the "arrogance" of deciding it's up to *you* to decide whether to bully the life out of or even kill *your peer*. (onoM - see chapter 6 of the story I mentioned - instinctively knew Snape wouldn't accept a reconciliation attempt from a James who only said, "I was wrong about you, you're a better person than I thought you were." I think onoM couldn't put their finger on why, though, which hurt their story a little. The above...is my attempt to put my finger on why. And I have to credit onoM's as the story that got me to try.)

So Sirius wouldn't just have to say, "We were wrong about you." He'd have to say, "We were wrong *to be bullies at all*." That is, "We were wrong to keep attacking you or anyone. We were wrong to think we had the right." And of course, "I was wrong to try to kill anyone." And, "I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"

I don't see Sirius doing that. He...never took what he and James were doing (to Snape or anyone else) that...uh...seriously. Even if he said the words, it's hard not to imagine him broadcasting by his tone that he didn't mean them.

A more self-confident Snape, less crushed by guilt, would think that basic human decency required Lily to choose: old friend, or bully who nearly killed old friend? Lily choosing the bully over him would break his heart...but to him, it'd be her fault.

Overall, I love this story. That's why I'm here for a re-read. :) I especially love the differing POVs. Lily's view of Snape, Lily's opinion of how Snape must've reacted to Myra's philosophy, contrasted with Snape's view of Lily, Snape's opinion of how Lily must be reacting to Myra's philosophy; Lily's memories of Petunia, Petunia's memories of Lily; etc.
Guest chapter 20 . 7/13/2014
this was soo lame LOL
Inkfire chapter 23 . 10/23/2012
My god, your first lines were PERFECT. So utterly Petunia – she's one of those characters I find myself really intrigued with, and you've got her spot on here. It's not only a matter of cleaning, polishing, perfection – your alluding to the outside world was amazing. Struck me right from your first line.
…struck me so much I stopped at the first paragraph to type this because I really didn't want to forget this detail, but now I tried to continue with my reading and I have to stop again because the paragraph about God was striking and extremely meaningful, powerfully written too. The grief at Lily's passing was so fierce, and it was a beautiful paradox that as much as Lily's power always frightened Petunia, the fact that they might not have helped her in the end seemed so bitter, like a betrayal. Petunia's rage against the smudge was beautifully written.
The Lily-Petunia scene, my god… the emotions were just so powerful, Petunia's scream, her disbelief, Lily seemingly so uncertain and frightened of her sister's reaction. And later, their scene was really moving. I simply adored the bits with Dudley, Harry, Vernon and the dogs, so hilarious and adorable. Petunia's complete overreaction was great too! Basically, this whole chapter was amazing. Great way to end the fic )
Inkfire chapter 22 . 10/23/2012
Oh gosh, I'm finally back to reviewing this! Thought I'd never get to it. Really sorry. Anyway, I really enjoyed this chapter, each and every one of your character was spot on, as usual. I loved the scene with Lily and Sirius sorting out James' clothes, like a symbolism of both the pain of his loss, the unability to get past it, for now, but the knowledge that they have to and will move on. Severus' scene with Dumbledore was great as well, the old man was infuriating, yet so wise. Severus seemed torn between bitterness and hopefulness, the mix was very well balanced, and I especially loved the end - the student thing made me giggle ;) I also love the fact that Lily will try and get back in touch with Petunia. Wonderful work!
darkaccalia520 chapter 3 . 8/4/2012
Wonderful chapter. I'm glad you used Dorcas as the one to deliver the news to Petunia. At first, I thought Petunia was almost too nice. But I quickly changed my mind when she heard the mention of Snape's name and then, I decided she was spot-on. Well done there.

Ah, and then the conversation with Snape and Lily...well, I think Lily is beginning to feel the pain and the sorrow from James' death. That scene was both touching and heart-wrenching. I felt so much for both of them. And I really, really loved that last paragraph. I can't wait to read more. Excellent job. :D

One minor error: It's All Saints' Day (you forgot the apostrophe).
darkaccalia520 chapter 2 . 7/31/2012
This was kind of a shock to me. I hadn't realized that you're letting Lily live in this until that very moment when Snape was with them. I think you have Serverus' character down very well. I think Lily is a bit harder since there's so much we DON'T know. But I think you portray her well. I am rather confused about how she reacts to James' death, though. Or maybe she's just in shock. She doesn't seem to realize she is now alone raising a baby who is wanted by 'You-Know-Who'. I really liked the toast scene and how Serverus brought in the clothes and the food.

Ah, and the part where Snape is with the Order is very interesting as well. They're already suspicious of Snape to begin with. I am very curious about Albus, however. You know, he always seems to know more than the rest of them anyway. I have to wonder, does he know what really happened? Does he know that Snape has them locked away somewhere? And what happens when Sirius does find Harry? Eagerly looking forward to more. Well done. I very much enjoyed this. :)
darkaccalia520 chapter 1 . 7/30/2012
No! Please, don't tell me you make the Snape the villain in this. I know this is AU, but I hope that Snape is the good guy who looks evil, just like he is in canon. No matter though...This is your story, and I want to read it. So, I'll try to accept evil Snape if that is so, but he is like my favorite HP character. So I really like him when he's good.

Ah, but that's my bit...onto your chapter. I love how you're showing everything that happened in canon with a bit of your own ideas. Obviously, there was a bit of a rift between Lily and Serverus, so it's only right they would be arguing a bit. I really liked the Order and how you're showing that. I really love stories that go into the history of the Order and all that. Ah, and the fateful night was wonderfully done...although I'm worried about that last line, like I mentioned. But with that said, I really cannot wait to see how this all turns out. It was awesome writing. :)

I did notice at one point, however that apparated was capitalized where I'm not sure it needs to be. You might want to look at that. Thanks for this. It was enjoyable. :)
Inkfire chapter 21 . 7/17/2012
This chapter was amazing! Each time I'm stunned anew by how easily you make your reader slip into the story, even a reader who left it what, weeks ago… -insert embarrassed cough- anyway. As always, the description was beautiful, I especially adored the way you displayed Lily's confused feelings, her slight bitterness at seeing Severus in his routine when she has lost hers so utterly, and the way she fights to repress the reactions he rouses in her. Of course she can't be ready for any such relationship yet. The talk with Nick was also lovely - the Friar, that's the Hufflepuff ghost, right? How close-minded of him. I liked the dream and the alternate universes theory as well - clever to insert it there, justify the AU within the story! I don't know if you're a Doctor Who fan, but I watched episodes about alternate universes in that show recently and so that made me grin… But that is irrelevant to my review, lol. Oh, and the comments on the first-year essays made me smile. Lovely work! ;)
pixileanin chapter 23 . 7/3/2012
Oh, I am so curious to see where you are taking the sequel to this story. You've brought us around to a brand new future for these characters. I know you have something in mind for them and I can't wait to see where you take this. Well done, and solidly written!

pix
pixileanin chapter 22 . 7/3/2012
Awww, you're giving him a chance! How lovely! I'm happy to see someone giving Severus counsel on his state of affairs. Also nice that Sirius knows and accepts what could become of Lily and Severus' friendship, even though he's not too keen on the guy. It shows that he has her best interest at heart.
pixileanin chapter 21 . 7/3/2012
Hi there!

Another fantastic chapter. I'm so glad you chose to include the canon time line in Lily's dream because it made such a stark contrast to the AU story line that you're creating. I liked the motherly worry that Lily had afterwards and it was right for her to seek out Severus to discuss it, even though he was loathe to. You're doing a nice job connecting the two characters together, slowly and thoughtfully. Nicely done! I need to see what happens next.
Inkfire chapter 20 . 6/26/2012
This chapter was really great! Well, nothing to be surprised about, haha. I loved the way you described the Dark Lord's and the Death Eaters' arrival; the first lines were stunning. Your Voldemort was quite in character, I liked his speech and mannerisms. I also loved the dialogue between him and Dorcas and the way she stood up to him. The line "I have no mother" was great… I have to admit I was stunned by the Hagrid/Dorcas ship, but that's the prejudice in me, my bad. I also loved the end of Lucius (you killed Lucius!) and the sisters' reactions. Very meaningful that Bella was snapped out of her desperate grief by her sister's distress. And the end with Severus and Sirius was great, haha. Great work, dear, it was amazing as always ;)
Vintage and Pink chapter 3 . 6/22/2012
Heh...it's been so long since I last read this, I've nearly forgotten what was going on. But, with your easy-to-read style, and descriptions, it's all starting to come back to me. Before reviewing the next chapter, I'll just take a while to read over the previous chapters.

Until then! xXKiraUzumakiXx

P.S.: Thanks for reviewing PokeQuest. :)
pixileanin chapter 20 . 6/5/2012
And you managed to surprise me! That was quite a twist there in the story, with Voldemort and Myra exploding and Docars and Hagrid...

Lots of things came out in this chapter. It was quite eventful and masterfully told. Obviously, it's not over, because I have so many questions... and more questions.

Where did Volemort go?

Is Dorcas going to stay in canon?

Are Sirius and Severus going to make sme kind of uneasy peace?

Is Lucius really dead?

Where's Myra? Did you kill her? Did she kill herself?

Aww, I hate death. But it's necessary. It's a war after all.

I guess my questions will be answered if I read more. Funny how that works. :)
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