|Reviews for Jacks adventure|
| Ionuneos chapter 1 . 5/24/2009
Nothing wrong with being new! But there are a few things that are critical to remember.
Remember to go into a bit of detail. At first, I'd assumed that Jack was a Trainer, so I had to read the beginning of the story twice.
Another thing would be the Trainer that caught Jack. Though it's heavily implied that he's a character that poses no further significance to the story, he's "main" enough to dignify describing some of his features, like clothing, height, age, etc. No need to go nuts with it; just something so the reader can get a feel for the character that caught Jack.
Those two things are just examples, of course. Detail is necessary for virtually everything in a story. After all, it's basically what a story is about!
Secondly, and just as important, remember to use paragraphs. Whenever something new occurs, or when somebody starts to talk, always start a new paragraph. It's so much easier to follow along if things are broken up correctly.
Though this doesn't have anything to directly do with this story, I noticed that you put up another story that seems to be a sequel to this one. Generally, most 'sequels' could be considered another chapter, as opposed to an all-out sequel. There are exceptions to this, of course, but for this particular story, I'd recommend that you simply add the 'second adventure' to this story, just as a new chapter.
If any of that sounds confusing, don't worry, you'll get the hang of it before you know it. What you could do, if you wanted, would be to read some other peoples' fanfiction, just to get a taste of how things work. And never be afraid to ask other authors (or, to be more precise, Beta Readers) for some advice if you ever have a question or get stuck. That's what they're there for! Good luck, and welcome to the world of fanfiction!
| Studioslug chapter 1 . 5/24/2009
u guys like it?