|Reviews for Broken Twins|
| flight of the ninjaflamingo chapter 24 . 4/27
WHAT THE FYUUACUCUDSIOHJCIIDOCJCKKKKKK OMG I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT
| Aurora - Kitsune Lord Of Fire chapter 5 . 12/15/2015
Kishimoto loving piece of filth.
| Chaos Karma chapter 24 . 11/16/2015
hohoo how interesting such unique turn of events but it was obvious it was kimimaro since he was one of the only oto ninjas that females would find attractive since suigetsu wasn't a otonin and it basicaly tells you it couldn't hve been kabuto
| StoneTheLoner chapter 4 . 9/29/2015
Dropped. Again and again and again you do EVERYTHING to make him stand out. Are you just stupid or something? For somebody who claims to be Kage level, to be surprised by a mere genin attacking him is pathetic. "In sheer surprise he didn't even dodge... or move..." Really? You say he needs to be secretive, and he does the opposite. You say he is strong, yet he stares dumbly instead of simply deflecting the senbon. Nothing happening in this fiction makes sense. Things happen only because you want them to, not because it's realistic.
| StoneTheLoner chapter 3 . 9/29/2015
Your character is not logical at all. He is apparently a skilled ninja, but somehow doesn't realize he is under a genjutsu, when the scroll he is holding changes multiple times from what it was?. And then when told the forest is full of camera's, he shows off? Again, is it not important for him to slide under the radar? So having people watch him slaughter 2 teams makes no sense. Not to mention when he talks, he seems to have no self control. The situation with the Oto ninja is full of inconsistencies. He plans to use their connection to Orochimaru, then tells them info that could make them abandon him? He offers to go do the mission for them, for what reason? When they refuse that idea, he tags along, again for what reason? Could he not have found another team, stole their headband, and moved on?
| StoneTheLoner chapter 2 . 9/29/2015
Ok, trying to draw no attention is a good thing, right? So why did he draw attention to himself by acting up to Ibiki? Also, the exam should not be this predictable. Minato did not die after all, so I hope things branch off in this fiction.
| naruto chapter 6 . 7/21/2015
| SearingFireBlaze chapter 5 . 6/30/2015
To all you other reviewers who think this is good
You fuckers I obviously have not experience in any form of reading. You pribably all failed 3rd grade as well. There may be a few tiny scraps of good in the ocean of horrid that is this thing, but where you even get off calling this good, I don't know.
You should be ashamed of yourselves for calling this anything but a piece undeniably bad writing. And to the one who called it his favorite, you must have only read horrible fanfiction for this to be your favorite.
| SearingFireBlaze chapter 4 . 6/30/2015
I agree with fukno on all counts. Especially the fact that this doesn't deserve to be called a story. It doesn't even deserved to be called shit. A pile of ahit probably has more creativity and better writing than this horrid abomination.
| SearingFireBlaze chapter 3 . 6/30/2015
I even find your summary to be written poorly. Though what it mainly lacks is proper flow. "You most likely saw the caring eyes of your mother." is not only a proper sentence, but it flows smoothly. Your sentence was a fragment, and the way you used the comma to separate two parts of an incomplete sentence was appalling. Your description of the morgue's ceiling was poorly written as well. It would flow far more smoothly if you had written it as "the dark, unforgiving ceiling". It's like you never even attended 3rd grade. I feel that many fanfic writers are like that these days. It's sickening and absolutely pathetic to have such bad writing floating about and ready to influence the writing of others poorly.
| SearingFireBlaze chapter 2 . 6/30/2015
you shouldn't just stick random ass Japanese into Mostly English sentences. If it's going to be more than half english, make it so that it's all english. if it's going to be more than half Japanese, then make all of it Japanese and provide translation. What is so hard to fucking understand about that. All you're doing is reducing the quality of your story and killing its flow. Some of the fucking Japanese isn't even right. Do you not know how to use google translate or an online Japanese to English vice versa dictionary? Have you not read a single fanfiction. Do you not know how to make shit flow together smoothly? I may have never nor will I probably ever write my own fanfiction, but even I understand the importance of certain literary aspects. Literary aspects which you sorely lack. My 5th grade essay on ants was probably better than this story.
| syndorias cinders chapter 12 . 6/8/2015
| doubledamn chapter 4 . 3/19/2015
Gotta say, this version of Naruto (i'm assuming its Naruto) reminds me a hell of a lot of Scar from Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood. Only less religion and more bloodthirsty.
| fukno chapter 11 . 2/26/2015
You fail as a writer - there are decent parts here, but they're so buried under so much unnecessary bullshit that it honestly doesn't matter. That said here are the three biggest points:
1. Your Naruto is a super-sucky OC who needs to stop fucking talking all the damn time. He's idiotically overpowered, not funny, and his pasted-on dime store existentialism make me want to punch you in the mouth on account of he doesn't exist.
2. There is mystery and then there is being pointlessly obtuse - why does "Naruto" hate his twin a.k.a. canon-Naruto. (On a side note: why the hell is it in these stories that the "twin" is always a sort of flanderized version of canon Naruto, and "Naruto is always some bullshitty Garisu idiot emo?); what was his life like, who the fuck trained him, what the hell is his plan, what the hell is his deal, etc. Without knowing at least some of that it's really hard not to just ragequit because of how much of an utter dick your "Naruto" is.
3. You write like a 12 y.o. with moderate brain damage who happens to be on a sugar rush after skimming Neiztche - in other words... you suck at writing. Your characters meander and are paper-thin. Your dialogue is insipid and utterly juvenile. Your reliance on gore is boring and uninspired.
Effectively it is definitely for the best if you've given up on this ... "story" because it does not deserve to be called a story at all.
| Master x chapter 24 . 11/11/2014
Dude it's been four years I assume at the least you had computer troubles, but I really want to see this completed, perhaps it's selfish but this was one of my favorite stories and it was one that got me into fanfiction in the first place. With all the time that has past between this chapter to the present I have still never seen a story in any way similar to this one.
Take it slow if you need to but please try to keep writing.