|Reviews for Mr Dating Machine|
| Two-Bit's Girl14 chapter 1 . 4/5/2012
Haha you need to add another chapter or A seqel with Ponyboy's Partyy! Mahaha
| KateCurtis chapter 1 . 3/4/2011
| SemeUkeLurver chapter 1 . 1/19/2011
OMG! I LUV the last part! I was like O.o WHOA!
| NovemberDreamin chapter 1 . 8/8/2010
haha, sweet ending line
| fitz and dizzyspells chapter 1 . 6/16/2010
Very cute! :) Great back and forth banter. I think you've done really nicely with Two-Bit's wit.
| some blue december chapter 1 . 6/2/2010
"Darry deserved it," Two-Bit said with a little laugh, indicating the balloons and streamers that covered the living room. - Oh man. Considering what you've told me about this one-shot, I can only imagine what Two-Bit's gone and done, lol.
In a messy scrawl, Two-Bit had taken a permanent marker and added "Mr. Dating Machine" to the bottom right hand corner. - Oh, Two-Bit. Lol.
"It's not a party," Steve snorted. "But sure, Two-Bit, you go ahead and hide. I'm sure Darry does real good when people jump out at him. Especially after they've filled his house with shit that he's going to have to clea—" - I feel like "Steve snorted" is more of an action tag which would require a period after "party" rather than a comma. I might be wrong - WCITS knows her stuff - but people don't usually snort their words, lol. Also, because we talked about it, I love this line coming from Steve. Its so ... Steve, lol.
"What the hell?" He looked between the boys, finally settling on Two-Bit, who wasn't even attempting to keep a straight face. "What's this?" - One: I love that his gaze settles on Two-Bit. You just *know* it's got to be his doing. Two: I love Two-Bit, and I especially love Two-Bit when he's not even trying to hide his amusement.
"A cold shower?" Two-Bit returned, hooting with laughter. - *giggles immaturely*
"I bet Superman'll kick our heads in anyway 'cause Two-Bit's such a dumbass," Steve muttered, plopping down on the couch.
"Smartass," Two-Bit corrected.
"How many times did your mother drop you on your head?" - Eeep, banter love.
As neither Two-Bit nor Steve moved, he picked up a pillow and threw it at Steve, hitting him squarely in the face. Firmly, he said, "I'm not cleaning this up by myself."
"You tell him, kid." - You should write more, and you should write more humour. This is awesome, lol.
Steve had said, "Told you the kid wouldn't do it. Pay up, Two-Bit." - Lol, nice. I can totally see that happening.
The door down the hall opened and Darry emerged with a towel wrapped around his waist. - ROAR! I mean ...
"'Sides, Evie's being real pissy and I ain't in the mood to deal with her, so we ain't got anything better to do." - Lol, I like this just because I'm *not* a Steve/Evie shipper, lol.
With a, "Make sure you're being safe," to Darry, he departed. - *snorts*
I really, really liked this. I'm not usually one to check out these kind of chilled out, funny fics, but I thought this was great. Everyone was in character and not once did I think "WTF is that about?" lol. The only thing that had me wondering was when we were suddenly in Pony's head. We'd gone almost half the fic with no real POV being set - which I actually liked - and it was a bit jaring to suddenly be hearing from Pony. Not a big deal though. Anyway, great work.
| youngandtherestless chapter 1 . 2/22/2010
This is great! I can't believe I found you just now (I've been on for a while, but I haven't created an account). I'm seriously looking forward to reading all of your other one shots, you're a great writer.
| infinite grey chapter 1 . 1/5/2010
Haha this was pretty funny. I enjoyed Steve's sarcasm, and the way he was telling Two-Bit to pay up. I'm glad I found this story - I really like it a lot! :D
arry took a step inside, and then froze in place, his eyes going wide as he took in the scene. His eyes scanned the room, finally pausing on the enormous “CONGRATULATIONS” sign that was spread from one wall to another. A look of confusion crossed his face.
“What the hell?” He looked between the boys, finally settling on Two-Bit, who wasn’t even attempting to keep a straight face. “What’s this?”
The room was silent in response as Darry glanced back at the sign, mouthing the words “Mr. Dating Machine”.
That was my favorite part in the whole story! Great job!
| we were here chapter 1 . 12/30/2009
Hahaa, I loved this! I loved how everyone picked on Darry cause he hadn't been on a date in a while.
Can't wait to read more of your fics! :)
| Secret Storywriter chapter 1 . 8/15/2009
Hahaha - That was freakin' brilliant!
I loved the originality and I thought that your characterization was perfect. I thought back on the book and the movie and I honestly think that every single character would've said the lines that you wrote them. Two-bit was just PERFECT was my first thought, but as I read on, I saw that each character actually seemed true to the way that Hinton wrote them. I'm not just sputtering BS either - I really think you did well.
I think that I was surprised by were these lines: "For a few seconds, Ponyboy was under the impression that Darry was going to start yelling." AND "Pony wouldn’t put it past him to ground him for not cleaning it up."
I was surprised that Ponyboy was making such a big deal of it in his head! I didn't think that Darry would've been mad enough to ground him for not cleaning it up in a couple minutes.
Also, I think that this line was a bit awkward: “'Maybe that’s why the girls keep trying to slap you, huh Two-Bit? You think they’re trying to impress you when really they’re telling you to back off before they start wailing on you,' Steve suggested, smirking. 'You’re not as smooth as you think you are.'”
I think it sounds awkward BECAUSE of the line Pony said before him. It just doesn't make sense why Steve would say what he said right after what Pony said. It just doesn't flow together.
*sucks in breath* I don't think I'm making any sense here... (PM with questions or comments.)
~Darry mouthing "Mr. Dating Machine" - that was bloody brilliant.
~Two-bit getting up to turn the TV on, but not helping Pony.
~A cold shower. Enough said.
~ "Subtlety wasn’t one of Two-Bit’s strengths." Oh, so true, and definitely shown in your story.
~The ending. NICE! That was such a perfect ending, especially since you have actually made a sequel to this story.
| deaddd account chapter 1 . 6/28/2009
This review is really delayed. Apologies! I hope late is better than never.
First of all, holy shiz. That was great. Great doesn't even begin to describe it really. Poor, poor Darry. Finally gets some and they do this. Very well-written. It's a fav!
| Flag chapter 1 . 6/28/2009
This is great! You could do a sequel sort of thing for Ponys first date with them doing something totally outrageous.
“Make sure you’re being safe,” was my favorite part. Hilarious. This whole thing was great.
I'm sorry I don't have a whole lot to say- this was great and I got a good laugh out of it. Everyone seemed quite in character. Good job :)
| This account is deleted 1 chapter 1 . 6/7/2009
I can’t believe I didn’t find this sooner – it’s equally as hysterical as its companion piece, and only continues to prove to me what an exceptional writer you are. I am madly in love with your portrayal of Two-bit and Steve. They make an awesome pair, friendship wise of course, and you really take that to the next level. You’re arguably one of the best writers in the entire “Outsiders” section. Congratulations on yet another lovely one-shot. I, indeed, enjoyed it in every aspect.
| Mopiece chapter 1 . 6/2/2009
Such a great one shot. Poor Darry getting hassled over a date. But everyone seemed to be in character.
| DEACTIVEDUSER chapter 1 . 5/30/2009
:D Oo-er. Mr. Dating Machine eh?