|Reviews for The Dragons of Akatosh|
| Xujints26 chapter 4 . 6/11/2013
This is awsome! keep it up. I can't wait to see what you come up with next!
| The Storm Veradea chapter 1 . 2/21/2012
I love it!
| Punk Rocker Fairy chapter 4 . 9/6/2010
Aww! I love this story! Does Martin realize yet she's a dragon?
| PashN chapter 1 . 4/2/2010
I thought I'd return the favor and leave a review for your story. ;) (And this fiction deserves it.)
I haven't played Oblivion in such a long time and reading this brought back some bittersweet memories.
Lovely story. Don't leave it unfinished. :)
| Nefereu chapter 2 . 1/17/2010
OMG! I LOVE THIS STORY! My first thought on reading some parts was " Hey! I've been there!". ( Can you guess my favorite game?) PLEASE KEEP WRITING! I can't wait to read more. Who cares about technical stuff? ! This story is great!
| Artgrl56 chapter 1 . 7/12/2009
Um, you really need to edit these chapters with better punctuation and periods. You have a lot of run on sentences, I could do it, if you want. I like the idea of the story, it's just hard to read.
| Andaer chapter 3 . 7/12/2009
Okay, firstly there are several things you could do to improve. A few more commas becuase it breaks the text down and makes it easier to read. I would suggest reading the chapter over once you have written it, or get a trusted friend or a Beta reader to read over it and see if it makes sense and suggest improvement.
Another improvement you could make is more detailed description of the surroundings your character is in. For example I know that your characters in Kvatch, so you could elaborate in the destuction that has taken place to help grip my imagination by the throat.
If you carry out these improvements then your story should get a lot better. You have an interesting character and have made her unique by making her a powerful servant of Akatosh.
May the Nine guide you for the rest of your days...
| LunarFlare14 chapter 3 . 7/8/2009
Alright let's get all the critizism out of the way. usually I'll just go I LOVED IT! OMG MORE MORE! But Today I'll start with my "BUT" since this is writer to writer. And because you were so awesome about my questions.
I found the technical errors distracting. Fixing It would make it easier to read for sure and definately more like professional writing. I personally rely heavily on spell check since spelling is icky. Style wise the only things for me was the run on sentances, which can be fixed with a period every once in a while and a few well placed commas. And the first chapter was a little bit to staccato and stoic. (OMG I love those two words.) But I understand that. The prison is all set up and annoying to deal with since there is so much in it and so little action. I know I rushed through all that. I always blame Oblivion for it though. Morrowind kind of just throws you in, which make the whole process less tiresome. On the up side the first chapter has far less technical errors. Enough that I wouldn't complain.
(Okay now on to the storyline itself-and this is my favorite part... )
OMG! I LOVE THIS PLOT. If this plot was a person it'd be Johnny Depp. It's original and engrossing and I want to know more! The concept is so out there it totally works. the best part is the plot isn't trying to hard... Meaning that it is believable within the Elder Scrolls Universe. Then again there are alternate dimenstions, ghosts, unicorns and magic. I just don't want a few uncapitalized letters and flip flopped words to undermine that. Because it IS GOOD.
| inactive17 chapter 3 . 7/5/2009
Well, first off, I think you should eliminate the run-on sentences in this story to make it easier to read (google run-on sentences, you'll get a lot of helpful info) and capitalize at the beginning of sentences, just to look professional.
But otherwise, I think it's a great story, good start, and I think you can definitely take it places; I look forward to seeing to where it all goes. ]
| Leonette chapter 3 . 6/20/2009
Very nice chapter. I love all the descriptions of the temples. It makes it all sound very rich and overwhelming. You do visual descriptions very well.
Just remember what I said about reducing the paragraph size. Splitting the bigger ones up are fine if you need to.
| SanguinarianThorns chapter 3 . 6/18/2009
Again, long paragraphs. Good nevertheless.
| SanguinarianThorns chapter 2 . 6/18/2009
Good, again, the only problem I see here is the extremely long paragraph in the beginning. Good job though, keep it up.
I rather like the name Liann. It's quite original.:-D
| SanguinarianThorns chapter 1 . 6/18/2009
It's nice, and follows the storyline exactly, but every now and then it needs a bit of touching up or detailing. For example, you might want to add some adjectives when the people are talking, like so,
"So what's the plan?" He inquired, a curious gaze marred his brown eyes.
But other than that, it's very good and nice. Though I'm not too keen on this sort've Akatosh worshipping character. But eh, that's just me.
| Crisium chapter 3 . 6/18/2009
A good chapter, with more interesting information. Your prayer to the Divines was particularly poetic and lovely. And I do find myself liking Liann. :)
| Darth Mezcal chapter 3 . 6/15/2009
HAHA! A great chapter. Enticing. The plot is moving. I can't wait to read more, but I have to.