|Reviews for New Kids on Campus|
| Skylight3077 chapter 2 . 1/6/2013
The story has many flaws and so? Nobody is perfect , and jaden could have spared a better fight, he is almost put close to yugi, he is the top of Duel Academy and that states a lot it would have been cooler to see a draw though... However I like how your taking other types of monster and the story makes me feel thrilled about yugioh gx so cheers and keep up the good work and besides you can only improve!:)
| tenipurifan5 chapter 1 . 7/12/2010
I agree with Higuchimon here. Have you ever seen Jaden duel and lose without damaging his opponent? He's WAY better than what you make him to be. To be honest, this guy seems like a gary stu already.
The first turn of the duel isn't all that great even though Alexis and Bastion are so shocked. Playing traps to protect your monsters are common in the game. The duel was very uninteresting and suckish. Jaden would have done WAY better than that.
Also you have a bunch of punctuation errors as well.
| Higuchimon chapter 2 . 6/1/2009
No, you don't choose your dorm when you get started. For the love of all common sense, have you even WATCHED this show? And Manjoume stays in Osiris Red. He has his own little room he's built onto the end of it.
It looks like all you're doing is having your Sues and Stus beat the various canon characters to show how awesome they are. That's revolting. I ask: who are you actually a fan of?
| HK-47 Scarlet chapter 1 . 6/1/2009
Holly Lynn, Higuchimon was not flaming, she was giving FACTS along with her opinion.
First; there's almost NO description. Ever heard of 'show don't tell'? You're telling the readers what's happening instead of SHOWING us. Don't just tell us where everyone is, also describe what they're doing, how they're feeling. The stuff that makes a story WELL READ. It gets boring if you're just telling us the whole time.
Second; your grammar is seriously lacking.
/“I am so bored right now.” he said it had 3 hours since he left North Academy, Zach and 3 others had been chosen for a transfer program to go to Duel Academy island/
It should look like this:
"I am so bored right now," he said. It had been three hours since he left North Academy; Zach and three others had been chosen for a transfer program to go to Duel Academy Island.
Speech tags aren't capitalized, commas help break up a run-on sentence, and you must always remember to put periods at the end of your sentences.
Your characters come off as flat and uninteresting to me; try and flesh them out more and make them more human. They just seem to cardboard-like and dull. It seems as if you're just throwing in words in the dialogue and speaking for your character, as opposed to letting your character speak FOR you.
/a boy that had a strange resemblance to a koala said to himself these were Jaden Yuki top Slifer red duelist on campus and his two best friends Syrus and Chumley they too were in Slifer red over the past year the Slifer red dorm has been given the title of the underdogs thanks to Jaden being not only the top Slifer Red but the best duelist in the whole academy./
That is a freakishly long sentence, try breaking it up with some commas and periods like my example earlier. It's murder on the brain to read all of that with no breaks.
/“I’m(breath)trying(breath).”Chumley said almost out of breath/
The parenthesis are awkward to read, and annoying. DESCRIBE him panting in the sentence; this comes off as lazy.
/“Ryu Saito number three ranked duelist at North Academy.” Ryu stated
“Number two ranked duelist at North Academy Akira Tenshi.” Akira announced
“And I’m the number one ranked duelist from North Academy Zachary Scott”/
So, you're just going to ignore canon and put your OCs top at North Academy? That is a HUGE turn off, and it's disrespectful to the original creator's characters. CHAZZ was number one, and I'm sure as hell your OCs couldn't beat him, OR Johan.
It's boring to have your OCs be so 'awesome' at dueling. That's Sueish and Stueish.
Mary Sue/Gary Sue: Characters that are idealized, perfect, can do no wrong, have no real flaws, only the ones that benefit them in the story. Always made out to be 'better' than the canon characters, more 'beautiful', smarter, stronger. They're over all annoying, and you'd do good to avoid it. Google Mary Sue, and read about it if you don't know.
I may not know a lot about Dueling, but Jaden is a LOT better than you made him out to be. He would have beaten your OC in seconds if they actually ever dueled.
It is FANfiction, and the slogan IS 'Unleash your imagination', but you must remember we are borrowing someone else's characters, and as FANS it is our job to RESPECT them. How? By NOT totally watering them down to crappy duelists, or cardboard cut-outs, just to make your OC look good.
You can still be original without doing this to the characters; besides, these sorts of plots have been done to death anyway. It's not very 'imaginative', if you ask me.
Please, heed my, AND Higuchimon's words.
Scarlet The Imperfect
| xAkiraxTenshiix chapter 2 . 5/30/2009
Wow. I liked my battle. You make me sneaky. Its awesome. I cant wait to find out what Jen is planning... Whatever it is, its not good. But, your story is. Very much so. I can't wait to see what happens next!
| HollyKalina23 chapter 1 . 5/30/2009
I think Higuchimon was very, VERY hard on you. This story is awesome and she must be jealous.
The title of this site is called, 'Unleash Your Imagination.' You're doing just that. I don't get why someone just decides to flame someone's work just because they feel like it. If they don't like, don't read.
With Chumley, yes, he did leave in the end of the first year but you have a right to write what might have happened if he stayed at Duel Academy and Chazz wasn't the best at North Academy. He never faced Jesse then and Jesse was in his year.
To be honest, I have no idea who the bloody hell Mary Sue is so I won't say anything about her.
I hope there are some real people out there who will read this story and give it a chance before flaming it so harshly. Keep up the good work and just write what you want to write, ignore the flamers, it's your story, not theirs.
Holly Lynn Yuki
| Higuchimon chapter 1 . 5/29/2009
There are not enough words for how BAD this is. Seriously. Juudai is a MUCH better duelist than you're making him out to be. MANJOUME was the best duelist at North School, and we've seen the ones that he had to beat to get there...not to mention that we've seen the student body and it's an all boys' school.
Also, Hayato has LEFT the school by Juudai's second year. He went to go work at Industrial Illusions with Pegasus. And there's already been a PLOT for season two, one that involved characterization and depth and NOT deciding which Mary SUe gets paired off with a canon character or whatever. Saioh, Edo, and Kenzan do not apprecite being kicked aside.
| xAkiraxTenshiix chapter 1 . 5/28/2009
I can't wait to see what happens next! This story really got my attention and then kept it throughout. By the way, thanks for making me one of your characters! I'm excited that she and I are actually alike... very awesome. ;) Keep it up!