|Reviews for Jamie And Veggies|
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/15/2014
this is so yucky! I'm going to have nightmares now! I'll never be able to think kindly of those three characters ever again! DISGUSTING!
| ONNMT has moved chapter 1 . 3/11/2014
I'm sorry, but this was horrible. Countless spelling mistakes, endless grammatical errors, and just plain terrible defiance of the English language. It was pure exhausting and painful to read.
First, the summary.
[What will happen when Rogue,Remy,and Jamie are left at the X Mansion alone.]
Ok, short and sweet; ideal for people wanting a quick flick. However, there were no spaces after the commas, and, despite it being a question, it lacks a question mark.
[...Rogue, Remy and Jamie... alone?]
The author's note. 'Disclaimer' was spelled wrong, and 'i' needs to be a capital letter. And did you mean 'of' (like, wall of pink), or 'off' (as in, the lamp fell off the desk)? 'X-Men' should also be typed that way.
Well, we can only get better now, right? :)
['Everyone please come to my office please.' Xavior asked everyone in the mansion.]
...Apparently not. First, he said 'please' twice in the same sentence. Not necessary. Second, assuming this was done telepathically, you should mention such; this way, it sounds like he's just asking vocally. Additionally, if this was telepathically done, the font should be different; italics is best.
["Now everyone is , expect Rogue,Remy,and Jamie... goes." He explained looking at everyone]
Really? Is this even English?
["Now everyone, except Rogue, Remy and Jamie... goes," he explained, looking at everyone.]
I really can't be bothered to correct the rest. This is abysmal. Delete it, or re-write it entirely. It is an abomination to the world of FF.
Get a Beta reader. In fact, anyone who is better at writing than you will do.
NOTE: No, this is NOTE a flame, so don't pull that bull on me. This is CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM; it is intended to improve your work. I did not pointlessly hurl insults, but gave pointers (harsh as they are, they still stand; right now, this is crap. They say such).
You're welcome for my time, and I hope dearly that this will be improved.
| Purple Majestic chapter 1 . 7/19/2012
haha I love jaime in this story!
| Raven34link chapter 1 . 11/26/2010
LOL she bribed him XD
| PenguinsAndRiddles chapter 1 . 3/17/2010
Jamie pretty much sounds like any other kid when it comes to veggies. I know I'm that way.
| Kii chapter 1 . 2/15/2010
Not bad Not bad
| Aoi Usa chapter 1 . 1/4/2010
AW... that was cute but was also funny at the same time
| Kinetically Charmed chapter 1 . 5/30/2009