Sigh. Let me try to explain. In Harry Potter the students of Hogwarts don't attend to learn how to become witches and wizards. They are BORN as witches and wizards. It's a genetic thing, like being born Japanese or Italian. They attend Hogwarts to learn how to control the powers that nature gave them.

Man, I’ve been busy fucking Syrian boys all the day. But here are my two cents:
In light of the recent Paris ISIS massacres, isn't it poetic justice that Arab Muslims are eating the French whole, those sanctimonious MFs who spit on Israeli goods manufactured in the W. Bank, these anally correct bugs who have been sidling up to the oil producing, Jew-hating, Muslims for decades? Go on, let the French bow and scrape to Arab lies and recognize a nonexistent "Palestinian state." Their beloved Arab Islamic snake has only lived to bite them in their overfed, Catholic a$$es. Tant pis.

Jack Chick, is that you?

Oookay. I sincerely hope this is the best troll fic ever. HONESTLY. You cannot expect anyone to view Harry Potter as the work of the devil. If there is no human sacrifice, there is no evil magic. The end.

And no, Pettigrew's hand does NOT count.

I LIEK HOW U TURNED HARRY POTTR TO THE LARD

no the bible was referring to the evil kind of witchcraft, what the heck is hogwarts doing wrong

This fan fiction is blasphemy. Everyone knows that The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the real creator of our world. His Noodliness Boiled for Your Sins!

well, it had to happen... I'm surprised it took so long for there to be Christian fan-fic to combat the Satanic delusions being diabolically spread via popular fiction! (Either that or this is very good trolling - Poe's Law and all that. "Any sufficiently advanced parody of an object, viewpoint or philosophy is indistinguishable from the thing parodied")

Hmm. Wonder if I could do an agnostic parody of Narnia, where the Christ-like divinity of Aslan gets questioned and alternative ideas are mooted... or else take on the dangerous, Un-Christian and polytheistic implications of Terry Pratchett's "Discworld". I'm really surprised his books haven't yet been burnt by the Religious Right in the Bible-belt!

What did I just read...

This shit gave me cancer

Joke Fanfic? If so, not bad!

It was okay.

People are so rude. I only read a few of the reviews and people are saying this is "the worst fanfic ever". What a bunch of haters. I'm going to help you out and write lots of fanfics like this.
People can criticize me all they want. Too bad, not very sad. Thanks for inspiring me.

Humph. Bloody fool.

The hell with this. I'm a Protestant Christian and I can safely say that Harry Potter is not about Satanism at all.

This author, on the other hand, just makes me and the other Christian folks look like pretentious asshats who'll cry Satanism at anything that doesn't fit our beliefs. Pay no attention to this man and others like him; he is but an ignorant fool.

Have a nice day, everybody!