|Reviews for A Story of Hallows and Horcruxes|
| MrRobertsIII chapter 2 . 6/4/2012
Fun, action-packed chapter! Thanks
| Lord Cartwright chapter 6 . 5/30/2012
I am enjoying your story very much and can not wait for an update, just one question how and when is Narcissa going to make her debut and how will the pair end up together?
| jmsdragn chapter 6 . 5/26/2012
well that was a neat read i look forward to reading what else may happen
| Captain Shoulah chapter 5 . 5/11/2012
"Rudolphus" is incorrect. There is no "Rudolphus" in Harry Potter.
Bellatrix's husband is named "Rodolphus Lestrange".
Reading the books will tell you this.
Reading the HP Lexicon will tell you this.
Even trying to search for "Rudolphus Lestrange" on Google will lead to the search engine giving you the correct "Rodolphus Lestrange" instead.
A good rule for writing HP fan fiction: Never ASSUME you know the correct spelling of things like people, creatures, spells, potions, and so on. Look it up in a reputable source, like the books themselves, or the HP Lexicon.
"Much better than what you have feeding me the past few days, Potter,"
Oops, you dropped the "been" that should have come before "feeding".
"Rudolphus in turn bared his teeth and blew out his nostrils angrily but didn't make another comment."
"blew out his nostrils" makes it sound like a painful injury just occurred. A less awkward phrasing would be: "Rodolphus, in turn, bared his teeth and exhaled angrily through his nostrils, but did not make another comment."
Oh, you'll note that I changed "didn't" to "did not"; some people are more strict about this than others, but you should try to avoid using contractions outside of dialog.
| Captain Shoulah chapter 4 . 5/11/2012
Tittering nervous or restrained giggling.
The word you're actually looking for is "Tottering", meaning unsteady or unstable movement. You make the titter/totter mistake once in chapter 3, and once in chapter 4.
"I'll but after I've Obliviated the Horcrux's knowledge from your mind. Can't have you spilling your guts to the Order now, can I?"
Don't end a clause or a sentence with a subject-verb contraction, like "I'll". Obviously, this also applies to sentences where that would be the only word, because if asked, "Are you hungry?" no one would reply, "I'm.", they would reply, "I am."
In the sentence I quoted from your story, "I'LL" is the last word of a clause, and should be "I WILL".
I find myself wondering, just out of curiosity, if English is your native language since, generally speaking, this is something a native speaker would never do. It sounds very strange to the ears of someone who has grown up hearing English, so they don't generally make the mistake.
Other subject-verb contractions would be things like:
You'll, She'd, We've, I'm, They're, and so on. Basically, if it's a noun or pronoun with a contracted verb slapped on the end, you probably shouldn't be ending clauses and sentences with them. Ever.
| almanera chapter 6 . 5/5/2012
I'm so glad that you've finally updated. It's great to see Harry cope by himself. Ron and Hermione were great, but at times too dominating - up to the point where they threatened to take over the plot. Hermione especially. I understand that she had a lot of insecurities and being insufferable know-it-all was almost the only way to show that she's just as capable a witch as the rest of them, although it's again arguable - there were so many other Half-bloods and they didn't turn on their friends if they did better. Yet, really, I'm not flaming either Ron or Hermione here; they both were great but had their flaws. Alas, Ron's stupidity and laziness served as a humorous relief most of the times. Again, I repeat: it's great to see Harry cope by himself, thank you for that.
Then the Death Eaters - thank you for fleshing them out the way you do. I definitely enjoyed the chapters about Rudolphus. I guess it truly is a Slytherin territory and all the bargains are bound to be sneaky. The simplest example of a request "leave me alone" will soon show that one might find themselves harassed again because the "agreement" didn't include the time limit of "being left alone". You nailed this kind of attitude as shown by the interactions with Lestrange.
I'm only left to wonder how Narcissa comes into play. Should Harry get captured and delivered to Malfoy Manor I would guess it's Luna that'll be his partner in crime. Unlike Ron and Hermione, she's not overbearing and not threatening to overtake the plot. She's not a regular damsel in distress; she has the same kind of defiance about her as Harry does and that truly makes those two soul mates in a way - I'm speaking of necessarily a romantic relationship - simply the fact that Harry is a person with whom a lot of unusual stuff happens and Luna is the kind of person who is ready accept the most unusual stuff without any hesitation.
Bella hasn't made an appearance either; she's a villain with fabulous gusto.
Well, all in all, my compliments to you. Please update soon.
| Pokethat chapter 6 . 5/3/2012
This is surprisingly good. Avada Kedavra Maxima.
The end :)
| immortal6666 chapter 6 . 5/3/2012
Great story. I liked how you made Harry more powerful than the canon one but still within the limits of a 17 year old with his upbringing. I am not one for Harry/Narcissa but I like the story so far. I especially liked Harry bringing out the Slytherin in him by jinxing Rodolphus' wand. Just remember, Harry and Narcissa doesn't have to be lovers. Narcissa can be a mother figure who guides him in his quest for Horcruxes. It is your story and it is upto you to decide.
| mwinter1 chapter 6 . 5/2/2012
| Drack-10 chapter 6 . 5/1/2012
| regularhp chapter 6 . 4/30/2012
Great story. The plot is consistent with canon and with Harry's abilities at that time. The changes you made were all necessary for the story and none of them make Harry too powerful. I really hope that Harry practices magic and over the course of the story truly becomes Voldemort's equal.
I can't really blame Ron and Hermione for backing out, even if it was betrayal it is understandable. In canon too much of the happenings hinged on luck and if not for that Dumbledore's entire plan could have gone up in flames. Harry never had to make really hard decisions or the conscious choice to fight. It seemed everything he did was to follow dumbledore - get horcruxes not hallows, why because dumbledore wanted it so. Don't trust anybody even when they were lost, why - becuase dumbldore said that it must be that way.
Here at least Harry's reasons for not telling the order are his own and are logical. So, I really hope he comes to see Dumbledore not as infallible but as a man with his own set of flaws who may not have planned for everything. the sooner the better.
The plan to get into Gringotts was really ingenuous and much better planned than in canon. Infiltrating Hogwarts without preparation showed Harry that he had to plan for everything ans he did so.
I had a question. In tht vault Lestrange said that if you return my wans I will hol the vow fulfilled and its terms null and void. So, Harry could defend himself as he fulfilled his terms- he had vowed to set him free with his wand and not harm him before that. So those terms are fulfilled. And if they aren't leaving Lestrange in the vault to die(they check every ten years) or putting a jinx on his wand should count as harm, shouldn't it?
Apart from that bit the story is really good. Hope you update soon.
| Andrew MacKenzie chapter 6 . 4/29/2012
I like how this is turning out, I wonder what else is in store.
| Slytherin66 chapter 6 . 4/29/2012
A fantastic chapter very well done a good point "a complicated predicament was often solved by a simple solution" and given Harry's lack of knowledge and time wise words.
I was impressed with how Harry got round the security and dealt with the vow and Death Eater. With luck the death of an inner circle Death Eater will cause problems between the Goblins and Wizards a Goblin War would be handy right now as it would keep the Dark Lord busy and Harry can always claim he was no death eater to protect his vault or steal or other wise obtain what he needs should the Goblins take his gold.
I liked how Harry was able to get the cut very low key.
Thanks for this chapter I look forward to the next and your one shorts. I am most pleased you will finish this story as its too good not to.
| jon891 chapter 6 . 4/29/2012
PLEASE TRY TO UPDATE SOON..
| Beezlebubbles chapter 6 . 4/29/2012
Hmmm...dumb Death Eater.