Reviews for Dead Confederates
LaViePastiche chapter 1 . 6/24/2009
This is brilliant! I think this may have been my favorite line among the slew of zingers:

"I did not want to get attached. Least of all to a human being. A blushing klutz of a pathetic, teeny-weeny, wan-faced, destined-to-die creature."

For some reason I just loved it!

Very cool very original idea. I'm intrigued...
thenextGayleKing chapter 3 . 6/23/2009
Did I ever tell you how much I am thoroughly enjoying this ride down the dirt road with ya? And feel free to add large tires, a gun rack and extra hootin' and hollerin' to that! Loved the meeting between Alice and Jazz. Esme is a treasure I so want to keep in a Ziploc bag. What is strange is that I actually feel like I KNOW some of these characters. Favorite lines? Too many to mention but loved the part about them locking up the china cabinet and carrying on about Oliver Twist and Fagin. Loved Bubba calling Carl 'Paw'. 'Move over Missus Snape, there's a new crone in town.' How about that Great Unpleasantness/War of Northern Aggression eh? Somebody pour me a Mint Julep PLEASE! Damn fine piece of work love. Cheers to you!
vanessarae chapter 3 . 6/23/2009
You know what is a crock of shit? You blackmailing me! Hoor.

Anyhoo, so, my review of Chapter 3. I love it Rie. You know I do. There are bits and pieces of Edward shining through Eddie in here, and I love it. I like to watch the facade crumble. Jasper and Alice's collision (because that is what it was, a collision, not a meeting) blew me away. Time stopped, the earth stilled, all that jazz. I really like where you are taking Alice in this one, because sometimes her characterization of being a bubbly shopaholic can get old.

I really hope this gets picked up by someone in the "upper tiers" is truly fantastic writing and a very unique story.
Kyrene once Blood Roses chapter 3 . 6/22/2009
...I don't think I've ever seen the C word said so much in my life. He even comes up with different variations of it. Who knew! So questions, what was Bella doing in the beginning? I wasn't absolutely sure so I figured I'd ask...unless he was just fantasizing like the crazy man he is, which, what was she doing in the fantasy? And is Carlisle a vet? Will that be explained?

Esme was hysterical. Alice is a clepto...which is amazing. But what does Edward have against her? Is it just the craziness? And was that literally her first time meeting Jasper? And will Edward insist on being called "Eddie"? I hate that...can't he stick to something cool like "Ed"? Usual Edward is best but if he insists on being different...

Will we be at least conversing with Bella soon? I'm starting to feel the man's pain which is interesting since I'm a woman. But still...starting to feel kind of bad for the guy...Keep Going!
pixiekat7 chapter 3 . 6/20/2009
Well butter my butt & call me a biscuit! Damn fine chapter!

Hmm...where to start?

I have got to tell you I LOVE this Esme! She doesn't take any sh*t from anybody, especially Eddie. HA! That she caught him chapping the chub without even blinking to show him The Charleston Magazine. & say “Now, honey, I bet Mr. Rutledge Pinckney Tradd the THIRD never pawed his own penis in his mother’s house…am I right?” without even blinking was priceless! And then she "brought it" again when she gave Eddie what for for using bad language in front of Alice. I know that she loves her sons to no end too.I could write pages about her but suffice it to say she's the polar opposite of the sweet demure Esme we all know & love & she rocks!

"Carl was still gentlemanly but with an endearing, at least to Esme, hint of the vulgar running through him." Interesting twist, I'm trying to picture our suave Cailisle as a sh*t-kicker...sound like he's enjoying himself though. I'm also wondering what Edward did to "force" him to drop medicine & become a vet.

Bubba, is just Bubba, what more can I say? It's adorable that he's so smitten with Rose. And Rose is playing him like a baby grand(go easy on him Rosie, he's in love).

Eddie, damn boy you sure talk purdy! Angry, angsty & stubborn as hell (not to mentioned more blue-balled than ever)! Makes me melt every time. This was perfection: "Because if I had to scroll through, edit and delete one more vision of me, and her, in the buff, on a bed or in a woods or in my truck bed, all tangled up and for all intents and purposes fucking each other silly, my granite-hard cock was going to rip right outta’ my jeans. And I’d already shredded enough clothes with my dick just thinking about the raunchy ways I wanted to do her…I could not handle the visuals!" I like the fact that he's squirming a bit about Alice's visions of him & Bella. And the way I see it is he has 2 options - 1) he sucks it up & accepts what we all know is his destiny and talks to Bella so that they can move their relationship forward or 2) he can bring his hot rebel-ass to me & I'll set him straight(*winks). I also enjoyed all of his descriptions of Alice, they are a bit on the vicious side but I think that's because he's a bit intimidated by her.

Poor sweet Alice, I missed her! Her story is definitely heart-breaking. What she has had to endure alone was insufferable. I think all she's looking for is love & a place to call home(family). I'm enjoying the way that she's teasing Eddie with visions of him & Bella and of Bella being a vampire. He should really know better than to bet against her. Now for Alice & Jazz's meeting...Heart-stopping! Time & tide stood still and they are home, they are the 2 halves to the whole & will heal each other's battered spirit or soul if you will.

I'm bouncing in my chair waiting for more! Can't wait to see what Alice brings to the table and I'd love to hear a bit more from Miss Bella.

Love & smooches
jewles622 chapter 3 . 6/19/2009
Okay so as you know from my PM I am already completely addicted to this FuckAwesome story, but I wanted to represent tehehe here and show my love for you bb. You have me constantly checking for updates on this fic and dropping everything (aww poor to read it! I am seriously thinking of starting a religion devoted to koolade for all! You rock my sock bb now give some Edward and Bella lovin...pretty please...with naked Cullen boys on top!
booboo.kitty2.0 chapter 3 . 6/18/2009
LOVE the chapter title! I have a thing for chapter titles ;-)

This little bit...

"Because if I had to scroll through, edit and delete one more vision of me, and her, in the buff, on a bed or in a woods or in my truck bed, all tangled up and for all intents and purposes fucking each other silly, my granite-hard cock was going to rip right outta’ my jeans. And I’d already shredded enough clothes with my dick just thinking about the raunchy ways I wanted to do her…I could not handle the visuals!"


*MWAH* loves!
Gasaway Alley chapter 3 . 6/17/2009
Well, my tiny chicken buns, it has taken me two days to examine this chapter. Being in Texas right now has had me looking around and seeing you everywhere. I can't get this story out of my mind. I chabble incessantly about it to any soul that will listen to me. Mostly, I just get shaken necks and pats to my wittle highlited head as if a child had taken my place. You are a crazy betch that has me doubting whether I actually have a firm grasp of the english language.

Now, enough of my ramblings and celery stalking...

Your twisted, tortured, self flagellating, Down Homeward has got to go chat up him some Bella. Alice is the creepiest character in your whole tirade, and, from your musings, I would say rightfully so. Jazz and her sound like they are making their own cryptonite, expelling Eddie away. As for Bella (gash-ella?), the taxidermist, NEVER did I see that a-comin'. I am so waitin' for the throw down between Jake the indian cholo and your Ed.

Esme's character brings a huge smile to my lips. The fact that she cusses, smacks, pinches, and yells is a breath of fresh air compared to the normally very subdued house mommy that she is normally portrayed. I love the Carl sans "isle", cuntryfries him a skosh.

So, on with your durty lows, I so loves them! Son! The South has risen again!
Phantom-writer3739 chapter 3 . 6/17/2009
you can really turn a phrase can't you? the words slip from your fingers, glimmering, entrancing, wrapping us in a rapturous web of silken softness and harsh realities.

seriously, from flailing majestic love to a crock of shit?


i loved the a/j meeting. it was skillfully done.
BellaStjerne chapter 3 . 6/17/2009
Exceptional, just exceptional. You were right, Rie.

You know how I love that your characters are complex and unpredictable. So full of paradoxes. Your Esme, Carlisle, and Alice are no exception. Only you could come up with Esme as a Costco-loving, soft-hearted, tough-love dispenser, Ziploc bags-worshiper, band-aid wearer (I use tape) Southern belle. Only you could imagine Carlisle as Carl the vet (absolutely love that) in jeans and boots, the artificial insemination god (Freud would have a field day analyzing that).

Only you could, finally, do Alice justice. She is one of my favorite characters and it makes me cringe every time she is reduced to a bubbly, mindless shopaholic, when there is so much more to her. “She was a conjurer, and sensing her own aberration, she cloaked herself in the barrier of black stirred together with cleverness and a 21st century knowledge of the gloomiest reaches of fashion. Illusory.” Just like Edward, Alice tries desperately to belong and hide her freakish talent by creating, via shopping and an obsession with fashion, the illusion of sanity and shallowness where there is only madness and deep sorrow. But once again, lest we think that she is all drama and darkness, you established the perfect balance by giving Alice “Mystic Meg’s pickpocket tendencies”. Seriously Rie, your sense of humor and of the bizarre is exquisite.

Bella and Taxidermy. That explains why she gravitates around vampires and werewolves. Not because she is attracted to all things supernatural as Edward believes, but because she has a fascination with all things dead and all things furry. You have an evil mind, do you know that? :)

I loved that litmus test :)

“Two ancient souls, dirty, filthy, used up and limping across a wrinkle in time to this meeting place, this convergence, the crossroads; the meaning of it all suddenly became clear to Jasper. To me. A flare of pure awareness, this was the final step in Jazz’s emancipation.” What a way to meet the love of your life and know what she will mean to you. Beautiful!

The stage is superbly set for the conquering of these dead confederates.

Favorite quote: “Me, omniscient and her, omni-voyant.”
brandj chapter 3 . 6/17/2009
YEA! Update time! Chores are done, baby boys down for a nap and I have that much time to get the chapter in! Quicker than last week, that’s for sure. I’m excited to find out Bella’s hobby! Sorry I’ve been MIA from the thread. RL gets in the way; you get behind on posts…yada yada yada! But I’m here reading…so that should count for something, right? Okay, on with the story.

Taxidermy! Interesting twist! I was NOT expecting that! “I was the dead thing that wanted to stuff her!” Yeah, I snickered like a 12 year old boy!

THAT is the southern Esme I was picturing! You got her right! I could NOT imagine her living next door to those boys in a trailer for the life of me! She’s more southern belle; a real Scarlet O’hara. I like it! And her scolding Eds when she found him in the bathroom! Worst moment for a boy and his mother at the same time! I love that she “walmart brand zip-locks” her fine jewelry! That’s hilarious! And “Carl” in a pair of wranglers and cow boy boots! Papa Cullen does me proud! Esme…that lucky girl!

Wow. Rose. Appologized. To. Em? Huh! Didn’t see THAT coming! I am shocked! She sure is a surprise in this story! When I think of Rose in this story, Daisy Duke comes to mind! Not sure why. And not the Jessica (blah) Simpson playing Daisy, but the original Daisy, played by Catherine Bach.

Alice. Klepto…that’s a new one. Clever little girl though, using Bella to riel up Eddie-boy! And playing the “bella’s gonna be a vamp” card so soon! Alice does have it in for Eddie if he doesn’t show her Jazz! Speaking of which…..where is the boy? Oh, right…my place! ;)

I love Alice’s use of the word “Glitterati” for the Volturi! So fitting. And a neat little twist that James was Alice’s maker! And she killed him! That just adds to the craziness! But probs on the Ali/Jazz meeting! So very them! I really like the “Chained. Changed. Altered in one moment of recognition.” And that Eddie knew it too. And this “A flare of pure awareness, this was the final step in Jazz’s emancipation. As if his blighted spirit had been emaciated before, he was abruptly, fully, mesmerized to smithereens! Alice’s acolyte, with her his follower for too many decades to ponder.” It describes their relationship perfectly!

So,’s like you read my mind…or I yours. Not sure! I say “yada yada yada” at the beginning of my review (I type as I read, so as to miss nothing). Then I get down towards the end & you use those words! I call Esme Scarlet O’hara & you use a scene from “Gone With the Wind!” Then I wonder where Jasper is…and so does Eddi! Kind of scary! But great job! Loving the story! And loving Rebelward! You have such a way with words that just brings the story to life. I can really see the characters in this setting! Huge Eddie sundae to you! MWAH!
brandj chapter 2 . 6/17/2009
So...I didn't review this chapter on this site last week! "Oops. My bad!" (Having a "Clueless" moment right now). Loving the story! Dirty south is awesome! Rockin my socks girl! MWAH! Now for Ch.3!
frol chapter 3 . 6/16/2009
"Giving up my moratorium at stalking, I was a nightly resident in the pitch black and gray forest that surrounded the outward edges of her house. Of an evening, with crickets blaring and begging for a good round of napalm to quiet the minute motherfuckers so I could concentrate on the thoughts I knew she kept secreted deep within"

I love the fact that you bring in canon Edward, even though he is covered in dirt and sweat and swagger. The self-loathing, self-denying beautiful creature we all love is there; smiling in the shadows amongst the crickets and weeds.

"An artist, a sculptor, a woodworker. A craftswoman who played with dead things."

as she does with his heart, though he's not fully admitting to himself yet

"I had poison as the perfect lube" awesome. A great image both for the physical and the emotional position of their relationship. He feels he would poison her, and his body is full of poison. Beautiful.

I won't quote the whole passage describing Esme's garden, but you describe it so vividly I can see it. A formal English garden crawling and creeping through the trappings of their new trailer-ish existence. Even amongst this dry and seemingly dirt-colored place, she stands in beauty. Creating from trash. Not unlike Bella, creating from dead things.

"beautiful bovid eyes, all languorous and luscious pools of seized depth that threatened to push me under for the full count"

You know how I love your alliteration. You spin words like glass and they refract and reflect a million colors and patterns that hold me spellbound.

"Cold-hearted cunt emoting? " LOL I haven't even touched on the humor you weave through this piece but never doubt I adore it. The grins and chuckles you illicit from me are all audible even if there is no one around to hear me.

"Smirking, smiting, enjoying the games with the gamine, I opened with a gambit, “So, Alice, what brings you to East Bumfuck Eqypt?” Attentive as only Rutledge the Third –the weeny peen bred on tee times and High Tea– could be. Minus the dickheadedness of my impertinent question." Dear Lord! Literary temptress! Siren of speech!

I could quote so many more passages like the filthy lucre that is this chapter. So rich. The thickest torte that makes me crave more while brutalizing my tongue with its sweetness. Almost cloying, but impossible to turn down.

I will never get enough of your words darling. You. Own. Me.
Viridis73 chapter 3 . 6/16/2009
Seriously do not truly fathom the amount of mental acrobatics flowing through your brain.

I love Alice. Not all pixies are good pixies (thank fucking god - wouldn't be dull?)
RowanMoon chapter 3 . 6/16/2009
This chapter is a cascade of surprises and thrilliteration. (yah..made that up jes for you babe,

'cause you inspire) Thromboning jugular, wow Rie. I loved it! The word combinations you come up with are positively unique, eclectic brilliance!

"I was stewing, Frogmore style, and enough because even I was getting bored with the nose pinching, deep sighing, hair-raking bullshit!"

Yes! Thanks be to fucking god, yes, this line has so much meaning to someone that reads as much fan fic as I do. Yet another reason why Dead Confederates is in a class all its own.

This is the Eddie the seasoned ficster WANTS, NEEDS, DESERVES!

Eddie is a dirty stalking horny hottie. I woud lick a webbed windowpane for you too sweetheart.

I loved "sepia toned siren" ~swoons~

"Lit in the monochromatic hues of the night, she trickled through vegetation and reached within the shingled shed until she hit the switch so that dim, yellowed, anti-insect light pooled around her and made her a sepia-tinted siren.

Silently jettisoning closer, I all but mouthed the one cobwebbed window pane that separated us."

Taxidermy! Of course she likes playing with dead things. You tongue in cheek minx you!

Thank you thank you thank you for breathtakingly SHOWING us how to give Edward a handjob that he would never forget.

I know I won't. ~sighs~ I actually had to take a smoke break after that scene Rie. I can't imagine what you got up your sleeve when these two lovers spontaneously combust upon each other's flesh.

"Esme the disciplinarian fuckin’ scared me." Me too. But I love her just the same. Her and CARL are complete win!

"little Miss Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest" is everything I knew she would be. Crazy Sibilistic Oracle. This description of her is absofucking perfect:

"Diminutive and curvaceous, cinders and coal and shadows, she would be the foil to Jazz’s blond unbearable lightness. His tarnished glow."

Nice foreshadowing in paving the way for the Glitterati.

The meeting of Jasper and Alice was pure magic and made my heart happy.

Eddie better get ready. He's the last man standing. Time ta git mated up boy!

Fabulous chapter Rie. I'm sated...for now. Git ta writin'! MORE! MORE!
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