Reviews for Dead Confederates
BellaStjerne chapter 3 . 6/17/2009
Exceptional, just exceptional. You were right, Rie.

You know how I love that your characters are complex and unpredictable. So full of paradoxes. Your Esme, Carlisle, and Alice are no exception. Only you could come up with Esme as a Costco-loving, soft-hearted, tough-love dispenser, Ziploc bags-worshiper, band-aid wearer (I use tape) Southern belle. Only you could imagine Carlisle as Carl the vet (absolutely love that) in jeans and boots, the artificial insemination god (Freud would have a field day analyzing that).

Only you could, finally, do Alice justice. She is one of my favorite characters and it makes me cringe every time she is reduced to a bubbly, mindless shopaholic, when there is so much more to her. “She was a conjurer, and sensing her own aberration, she cloaked herself in the barrier of black stirred together with cleverness and a 21st century knowledge of the gloomiest reaches of fashion. Illusory.” Just like Edward, Alice tries desperately to belong and hide her freakish talent by creating, via shopping and an obsession with fashion, the illusion of sanity and shallowness where there is only madness and deep sorrow. But once again, lest we think that she is all drama and darkness, you established the perfect balance by giving Alice “Mystic Meg’s pickpocket tendencies”. Seriously Rie, your sense of humor and of the bizarre is exquisite.

Bella and Taxidermy. That explains why she gravitates around vampires and werewolves. Not because she is attracted to all things supernatural as Edward believes, but because she has a fascination with all things dead and all things furry. You have an evil mind, do you know that? :)

I loved that litmus test :)

“Two ancient souls, dirty, filthy, used up and limping across a wrinkle in time to this meeting place, this convergence, the crossroads; the meaning of it all suddenly became clear to Jasper. To me. A flare of pure awareness, this was the final step in Jazz’s emancipation.” What a way to meet the love of your life and know what she will mean to you. Beautiful!

The stage is superbly set for the conquering of these dead confederates.

Favorite quote: “Me, omniscient and her, omni-voyant.”
brandj chapter 3 . 6/17/2009
YEA! Update time! Chores are done, baby boys down for a nap and I have that much time to get the chapter in! Quicker than last week, that’s for sure. I’m excited to find out Bella’s hobby! Sorry I’ve been MIA from the thread. RL gets in the way; you get behind on posts…yada yada yada! But I’m here reading…so that should count for something, right? Okay, on with the story.

Taxidermy! Interesting twist! I was NOT expecting that! “I was the dead thing that wanted to stuff her!” Yeah, I snickered like a 12 year old boy!

THAT is the southern Esme I was picturing! You got her right! I could NOT imagine her living next door to those boys in a trailer for the life of me! She’s more southern belle; a real Scarlet O’hara. I like it! And her scolding Eds when she found him in the bathroom! Worst moment for a boy and his mother at the same time! I love that she “walmart brand zip-locks” her fine jewelry! That’s hilarious! And “Carl” in a pair of wranglers and cow boy boots! Papa Cullen does me proud! Esme…that lucky girl!

Wow. Rose. Appologized. To. Em? Huh! Didn’t see THAT coming! I am shocked! She sure is a surprise in this story! When I think of Rose in this story, Daisy Duke comes to mind! Not sure why. And not the Jessica (blah) Simpson playing Daisy, but the original Daisy, played by Catherine Bach.

Alice. Klepto…that’s a new one. Clever little girl though, using Bella to riel up Eddie-boy! And playing the “bella’s gonna be a vamp” card so soon! Alice does have it in for Eddie if he doesn’t show her Jazz! Speaking of which…..where is the boy? Oh, right…my place! ;)

I love Alice’s use of the word “Glitterati” for the Volturi! So fitting. And a neat little twist that James was Alice’s maker! And she killed him! That just adds to the craziness! But probs on the Ali/Jazz meeting! So very them! I really like the “Chained. Changed. Altered in one moment of recognition.” And that Eddie knew it too. And this “A flare of pure awareness, this was the final step in Jazz’s emancipation. As if his blighted spirit had been emaciated before, he was abruptly, fully, mesmerized to smithereens! Alice’s acolyte, with her his follower for too many decades to ponder.” It describes their relationship perfectly!

So, Rie..it’s like you read my mind…or I yours. Not sure! I say “yada yada yada” at the beginning of my review (I type as I read, so as to miss nothing). Then I get down towards the end & you use those words! I call Esme Scarlet O’hara & you use a scene from “Gone With the Wind!” Then I wonder where Jasper is…and so does Eddi! Kind of scary! But great job! Loving the story! And loving Rebelward! You have such a way with words that just brings the story to life. I can really see the characters in this setting! Huge Eddie sundae to you! MWAH!
brandj chapter 2 . 6/17/2009
So...I didn't review this chapter on this site last week! "Oops. My bad!" (Having a "Clueless" moment right now). Loving the story! Dirty south is awesome! Rockin my socks girl! MWAH! Now for Ch.3!
frol chapter 3 . 6/16/2009
"Giving up my moratorium at stalking, I was a nightly resident in the pitch black and gray forest that surrounded the outward edges of her house. Of an evening, with crickets blaring and begging for a good round of napalm to quiet the minute motherfuckers so I could concentrate on the thoughts I knew she kept secreted deep within"

I love the fact that you bring in canon Edward, even though he is covered in dirt and sweat and swagger. The self-loathing, self-denying beautiful creature we all love is there; smiling in the shadows amongst the crickets and weeds.

"An artist, a sculptor, a woodworker. A craftswoman who played with dead things."

as she does with his heart, though he's not fully admitting to himself yet

"I had poison as the perfect lube" awesome. A great image both for the physical and the emotional position of their relationship. He feels he would poison her, and his body is full of poison. Beautiful.

I won't quote the whole passage describing Esme's garden, but you describe it so vividly I can see it. A formal English garden crawling and creeping through the trappings of their new trailer-ish existence. Even amongst this dry and seemingly dirt-colored place, she stands in beauty. Creating from trash. Not unlike Bella, creating from dead things.

"beautiful bovid eyes, all languorous and luscious pools of seized depth that threatened to push me under for the full count"

You know how I love your alliteration. You spin words like glass and they refract and reflect a million colors and patterns that hold me spellbound.

"Cold-hearted cunt emoting? " LOL I haven't even touched on the humor you weave through this piece but never doubt I adore it. The grins and chuckles you illicit from me are all audible even if there is no one around to hear me.

"Smirking, smiting, enjoying the games with the gamine, I opened with a gambit, “So, Alice, what brings you to East Bumfuck Eqypt?” Attentive as only Rutledge the Third –the weeny peen bred on tee times and High Tea– could be. Minus the dickheadedness of my impertinent question." Dear Lord! Literary temptress! Siren of speech!

I could quote so many more passages like the filthy lucre that is this chapter. So rich. The thickest torte that makes me crave more while brutalizing my tongue with its sweetness. Almost cloying, but impossible to turn down.

I will never get enough of your words darling. You. Own. Me.
Viridis73 chapter 3 . 6/16/2009
Seriously do not truly fathom the amount of mental acrobatics flowing through your brain.

I love Alice. Not all pixies are good pixies (thank fucking god - wouldn't be dull?)
RowanMoon chapter 3 . 6/16/2009
This chapter is a cascade of surprises and thrilliteration. (yah..made that up jes for you babe,

'cause you inspire) Thromboning jugular, wow Rie. I loved it! The word combinations you come up with are positively unique, eclectic brilliance!

"I was stewing, Frogmore style, and enough because even I was getting bored with the nose pinching, deep sighing, hair-raking bullshit!"

Yes! Thanks be to fucking god, yes, this line has so much meaning to someone that reads as much fan fic as I do. Yet another reason why Dead Confederates is in a class all its own.

This is the Eddie the seasoned ficster WANTS, NEEDS, DESERVES!

Eddie is a dirty stalking horny hottie. I woud lick a webbed windowpane for you too sweetheart.

I loved "sepia toned siren" ~swoons~

"Lit in the monochromatic hues of the night, she trickled through vegetation and reached within the shingled shed until she hit the switch so that dim, yellowed, anti-insect light pooled around her and made her a sepia-tinted siren.

Silently jettisoning closer, I all but mouthed the one cobwebbed window pane that separated us."

Taxidermy! Of course she likes playing with dead things. You tongue in cheek minx you!

Thank you thank you thank you for breathtakingly SHOWING us how to give Edward a handjob that he would never forget.

I know I won't. ~sighs~ I actually had to take a smoke break after that scene Rie. I can't imagine what you got up your sleeve when these two lovers spontaneously combust upon each other's flesh.

"Esme the disciplinarian fuckin’ scared me." Me too. But I love her just the same. Her and CARL are complete win!

"little Miss Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest" is everything I knew she would be. Crazy Sibilistic Oracle. This description of her is absofucking perfect:

"Diminutive and curvaceous, cinders and coal and shadows, she would be the foil to Jazz’s blond unbearable lightness. His tarnished glow."

Nice foreshadowing in paving the way for the Glitterati.

The meeting of Jasper and Alice was pure magic and made my heart happy.

Eddie better get ready. He's the last man standing. Time ta git mated up boy!

Fabulous chapter Rie. I'm sated...for now. Git ta writin'! MORE! MORE!
AmeryMarie chapter 3 . 6/16/2009
This will read like a rolling commentary to start-

Okay, Carl? Can I say how much I detest that name no matter how fitting it is for this incarnation of Carlisle?

And how much do I love Eds wanting to napalm crickets...

"Of an evening, with crickets blaring and begging for a good round of napalm to quiet the minute motherfuckers so I could concentrate on the thoughts I knew she kept secreted deep within..."

... let me count the ways.

TAXIDERMY! WTF?

You did it so you could write this...

"Taxidermy and Bella. I was the dead thing that wanted to stuff her! I was a sick fucker, but that was so sexy that I was already envisioning how I would artfully arrange her long, ivory, plush limbs just so before I fucked her until her own eyes, glassy with lust, rolled back into that chestnut-maned head of hers!"

... didn't you? I like it. It's a disturbingly sexy simile?

Your Esme is perfect. I can't even do justice to your description of the soft and the iron clad dichotomy of her, but I love this line.

“Now be a dear and bring in the refreshments and stop being such an uppity little prick,”

And did I detect a little gangsta' eddie in there talkin' bout "mad skills?"

I see you went with farrier.

Jasper's truck is beyond perfect for the cool hand luke motherfucker that he is. Vintage, classic, hip, restored James Dean, bad ass.

Great fantastic job. The introduction of Alice, Esme and 'Carl' was great. I don't think Alice is scary at all, I think Eddie is scared of the changes in the dynamic of his family that he has come to rely on. I really love how Edward goes from being full of cocky swagger, piss and vinegar to showing that deep down inside he is fearful and truthfully does desire more than this life that he has carved out.

I also feel that some of his thoughts (not all of them, cause lord knows he truly wants to bone the girl) regarding Bella are little more than posturing on his part. He tries too hard to convince himselfhat he wants nothing more than to split her in twain with his cock-club when truthfully I think he is afraid for a number of reasons and on multiple levels of finally getting the one thing that he won't admit to wanting the most. I wonder how he will continue to hide his true self and deny Alice's visions.

I could be wrong about all of this. Tell me if I am so far off base that I am not even on the same continent.
CapnSureYouAre chapter 3 . 6/16/2009
I have such a monstrously huge grin on my face right now. Alice was utter perfection, exactly the deadly little monster I've always thought she really was. BTW, never been one for reading about a guy getting himself off... but Rebelward made it uber-HAWT! Thanks for the shout-out!
Viola Cornuta chapter 3 . 6/16/2009
PeckerwoodWard, you are full up on tires and testicles and trouble, and I love you from your greasy hair to your dirty toe-nails. Go get your girl!
susayq chapter 3 . 6/16/2009
I'm wondering, how did Edward know Alice was coming? I'm glad she showed him pics of him and bella together. And I loved it when Alice and Jasper finally came together :)

~Susan
twilightnaley19 chapter 3 . 6/16/2009
LOVED THIS CHAPTER. PLEASE UPDATE SOON!
CapnSureYouAre chapter 1 . 6/12/2009
Just thought I'd leave some love on FFn, too, and gah, I'm hooked on the paragraph where Eddie's inspecting himself in the window before he goes into Mama Brown's... not only do we get a detailed description of his utter yumminess, but he talks about his nervousness? Swoon.
BellaStjerne chapter 2 . 6/11/2009
Another wonderful chapter Rie. A great way to continue the development of your characters and the introduction of new ones. I love the subtle ways you have of letting us know more about the people involved in this story and what ticks them: “Ass Kickin’ Southern Rock”; “A perfect reanimation of Newt goddamned Gingrich”; “70’s style pornstar moustache twitching”; “As if to emphasize his canine nature, his ride completely screamed Wolf Mobile!” You really have a knack of conveying a whole world with just few words.

Your description of Wando High School was just too good for words. The teachers descriptions were quite a riot! … “mind stultifying stuttering that called itself teaching” Oh Rie, how very Pink Floyd of you :)

Again your cultural references are magnificent and outrageously witty.

Our three main characters are showing sides that, although I knew were there, still came as a revelation to me. Edward self-loathing is one of his defining characteristics. His revulsion at being a vampire, a monster, is well known. But I never factored in it how his mind reading contributed to this feeling. “An oddball, a reluctant rebel even among my own horrific kind. A misfit” What a terrible place to be, an oddity among oddities. That would explain a lot of his rage, his loath, his half-attempt to blend in, his rudeness, his need to keep everyone at bay, his loneliness. A loneliness so soul-crushing that his only solace is found where a symbol of his hope lies: a Cistercian monastery because “Not Emmett, nor Jazz or Carlisle knew of my rising hope that a soul fluttered beneath the skeletal lamprey wings of my un-interred oblivion.” And that undying secret faith in his soul is both his heaven and his hell. But lest one thinks that he is only dark and brooding, the jerk comes out and admits that he too likes to read Harlequin Romance. Got a love such complex characters!

Similarly, on close inspection, Emmett is not as he seems. “I’d never seen him in such a vicious temper, the boyish demon behemoth with his devil-may-care attitude gone violent.” And surprisingly so no one is less what he seems than Jasper. For all appearances he is cool, collected, happy with his current life, all-embracing. But the only things he is embracing are his pain, desolation and numbness “Assailed by the gamut of sinful hi-falutin’ emotions, Jazz had no recourse but to become an EOF, Equal Opps Fucker” These here vampires are masters in deceit, but the joke is on them, because they deceive themselves most of all.

I really find it fascinating that The Cullens, so proper and filthy rich in other incarnations, are slumming it in the South. :) “I tore up the rotten boards of the steps and careened onto the scratchy old moth-nibbled sofa that dominated mine and Emmett’s porch.” No American Express Black Card here but they do have a grill! How refreshing.

And my favorite sentence of this chapter “Go Monks! Don’t let the uppity, holier-than-thou, everyone-must-have-a-cause (or a thousand) bastards keep you down!”
booboo.kitty2.0 chapter 2 . 6/10/2009
Great Balls of Fire! Fucking LOVE IT!

Poor Eddie, his balls are just going to drop off or just up and explode LOL!
thenextGayleKing chapter 2 . 6/10/2009
I must admit, your storytelling had really made me cut back on my Jerry Springer Show viewing of late! And that 'top quality' entertainment is tough to beat. However, my consumption of 40oz'ers has gone up and my penchant for nylon green housecoats has increased. But, I digress. Hell yeah, great, loved it! Loved the part about the tats. Also intrigued by the fact that our dearly beloved yahoo of an Eddie has a brain in there whether he likes it or not. Continue to be amazed and astounded that all this comes out of your head. It truly is a rare gift you have. Keep going! I know you will. xoxoxoxox
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