Reviews for Dead Confederates
Gasaway Alley chapter 2 . 6/10/2009
So, Chickee-la-la, once again you have completely managed to embed a storyline in this barrage of Arial fontage. I can really tell how Edward feels deeply for those around him. Bella is so in "fer" it. hee hee. Your writing continues to astound me and leaves my jaw hanging open like the mouth breather I can be.
Kyrene once Blood Roses chapter 2 . 6/10/2009
...You know what I love? You use all these big words that no one uses but you make them work. Even better is you use them with White-trashward to the point where I stop and go "psh, dude! your not fooling me!". There is the norm of Edward somewhere in there. Even if his kind of self-loathing is stated in a more comedic manner. Oh, and in my last review, I meant when Edward gets around and cusses like a Sailor, that type of Edward is not my norm.

Oh, Edward in High School, I was surprised. I know that's a norm but I was imagining a cowboy had and all that stereotypical cowboy get-up that doesn't fit well for a High School. But I think I have a better mental image now. So Jacob...really? Do we have to? Not that I don't love the boy but...really? It's all good. Can't wait for Ms. Alice to come in and we get to find out what's going on. Actually, I can't wait for Edward to actually talk to Bella since I'm pretty sure he hasn't yet. Keep Going!
frol chapter 2 . 6/9/2009
Hot tramp...I love you so.

"the clouds were thick and lowing, glowing" poetry. Your words complete me. Seriously.

"I wanted to barnstorm her beatific body with my pointed ice floe of a tongue, packed full of lies; my unyielding craving to fuck her body was severe and unpleasant. I needed to plow right up her buttermilk,rich thighs. I ached to burrow in her furrows and stake land ownership and never leave residence. My hands fisted with equal parts fury and lust and some other need for repentance…approval." Holy cow, shit and tarnation! there you go with the smutastic alliteration again. You own me.

and Newton's "momma-bought" Republican topsiders? Genius!

I could cut and paste the whole fecking chapter. You spin words into cloth that I want to roll around in. Only two chapters in and I heart you with even more passion than a sweat-soaked down comforter on prom night. Cannot WAIT to read the rest. Rock on riot grrl!
twilightnaley19 chapter 2 . 6/9/2009
LOVED THIS CHAPTER. PLEASE UPDATE SOON!
bloodyrosey chapter 2 . 6/9/2009
This chapter was really weird... I didn't like it... But I will keep reading so... Yeah...

:bloodyrosey
Viola Cornuta chapter 2 . 6/9/2009
The utter bliss of Po' Wite Hi Skool-that really was a satisfying gift; thanks so much for the entertainment! Theme song for Prom 2009: "I'm My Own Grandpaw". And CrackerWard manages to make me sad in his bitterness even as I laugh out loud. Can't wait to see where this goes!
AmeryMarie chapter 2 . 6/9/2009
Wow! Just mothereffingloving WOW!

I know we were in for some good shit because you never fail to disappoint, but, Rie-Doll, you have just astounded me. I really am on my knees in awe and delight and even jealousy. Once again I am left with the urge to loudly declare how unworthy I am to even be in your masterful presence. Your words delight, tittilate, excite, ad infinitum, ad naseum (I know you don't want to hear how much like a thesaurus I can sound like)

From the beginning, the very first sentence, you had me laughing... loudly.

"No fucking way was he getting near Bella’s beaver with his scummy meat cleaver!

I preferred commando myself. Easy in, easy out. I sniggered, briefly. But held my smug smirk in check when I remembered, latently, that Esme did my laundry too."

That was hysterical, I could totally picture him checking back his smugness at that realization and the play on Leave it to Beaver was pure genius.

"...70’s style pornstar moustache twitching..."

You know how I feel about the pornstace.

“Don’t bogart all the pussy, man!”

Bwahahaha!

But then you get to this part...

"They looked through me and gave me a free pass of lassitude. This was the only place that held me in thrall. Not Emmett, nor Jazz or Carlisle knew of my rising hope that a soul fluttered beneath the skeletal lamprey wings of my un-interred oblivion."

... and go all Dreamweaver on us and start getting all heavy. Without warning though you slip back to the original cunty funny before ending in a way that just felt very gothic and portentuous and surreal. It was wonderful.

I love the dichotomy of licentious, brawling, cursing, lustful Rebelward and the brooding, thoughtful Edward that we hardly catch glimpses of. There seems to be so much more to him lurking just below the surface and all the brash and crass and filthy are just there to cover, hide, disguise it... even from himself.

Rie, this story is a goldmine for the funny but I think there is more depth to it than that. I knew you wrote well, but... fuck me this is really fucking good. I can't think of any piece of writing that I have EVER read that wove together so many elements quite as skillfully- the humor, the angst, the gothic-ness, the lust, etc.

I have gone on and on in this review but it still doesn't begin to get across exactly how awestruck, dumbstruck and truly DAZZLED I am.

Brills, babe. Trufax.
Gasaway Alley chapter 1 . 6/7/2009
Frankly, my dear...your mind is terrifyingly beautiful! I love reading fics where someone uses every letter of the alphabet, twice. I will have to go check your other stories. Thanks for sharing your furiously filthy mind. ~ GA
booboo.kitty2.0 chapter 1 . 6/6/2009
Very nicely done BB! It truly is like nothing else I've ever read and just the thought of dirty country boy Eddie has me all frazzled!

I'm really liking where this is going and can't wait to see what you do with it!

*MWAH*
Kyrene once Blood Roses chapter 1 . 6/5/2009
Wow...that was some crazy stuff. I will admit that I'm not really down on the southern lingo and I got myself a little bit confused. I'm hoping that on more reading I understand a bit more, which I'm sure will happen. I will tell you now that this type of Edward usually isn't so much for me. I like mine brooding, angry, depressing, and strange. It's your writing that kept me reading and then finally the description of Jasper to which I went "OK...I can't miss this because of my prejudice against Rebelward". Which works since I got over it really fast. Have I mentioned how much I adore your writing? And this got me cracking up and covering my mouth like "oh snap! He went there!". Can't wait to see where your going with this. Keep Going!
thenextGayleKing chapter 1 . 6/5/2009
I read this story a couple of days ago but am only reviewing it now b/c I've been laughing me bollocks off about it ever since! Just LOVED LOVED LOVED the part about the Snapes (no prizes for guessing why) and things like: "We serve vampires, hear." To which I find myself mentally replying 'Yeah honey' (in my best Southern accent of course!). This is an absolute gem (no, in Bubbaland, cubic zirconia would be more appropriate) of a tale. And I can't wait to read the rest. YEHAW for our good 'ole boys. Bo and Luke Duke ain't got nuthin' on 'em.
emmyemmers chapter 1 . 6/4/2009
This is so well done. Your wit, rhyming and word play kills me. Absolutely genius!
myguy chapter 1 . 6/3/2009
HA-FUCKIN-HA HA! This is so funny! I love the new Cullens! I can't wait to read more of this story! You have a way with words, that leaves me laughing my ass off! God, please update soon! xoxo
brandj chapter 1 . 6/3/2009
I was SO excited to hear that Dead Confederates was up and running! I got the news at work, and sadly couldn’t get Fan Fiction, so I had to wait. And with a long workday, it ended up being this morning. But finally I am here and reading!

Gotta love the dirty south! It’s so nice to read a story & know EXACTLY what everything should look like, how it sounds & how people act (not from SC…Florida, but still…south is south). I died when I read the NO FEAR sticker! Brings me back to HS. Now, I can picture everyone in this area, except maybe Esme! I just don’t see her in the south! Maybe as a Southern Belle….but not with these hoodlums!

Your words help paint the perfect picture. You can clearly see everything from the way you write. The land, the house, the diner….everything! Even the poor little ‘possums!

And I would love to write more…but the little one is getting into EVERYTHING! So I have to run, but not before I saw AWESOME chapter! Dying for more! And will stop by thread when time allows!
BellaStjerne chapter 1 . 6/3/2009
Rie, I haven't laughed this hard since … well, since Comeuppance. I love your sense of humor, your wit and sarcasm. Not to mention your use of irony “To avoid notice and attention I became ever more devoid of my previous decades of humanity.” There are so many gems in this story I wouldn't know where to start, but this is my favorite: “Only a stupid-ass, South-of-Broad mama's boy with the last name of Legare would be caught dead sporting the name Edward.”

Once again you have shown your mastery in painting vivid, luscious pictures and creating fascinating characters. The boys are so aptly described: playful Emmet “ his crude, crass, bellicose, belligerent brand of bonhomie that made Em the quintessential manifestation of a person in these here parts”; all-embracing laissez-faire Jasper “ he was the most un-racist, un-sexist un-dead I’d ever met” and priceless angsty self-loathing jerk Edward: “I was Edward Cullen. Vampire first. Hard motherfucker last and foremost. And Eddie Cock-hard Cullen did not wax philosophical!” He is not philosophical, all right, he just smells like “Old Spice soap-on-a-rope” :)

Your social commentary is spot on. One of the reasons Jane Austen is still so widely read is because she was a keen observer of her fellow human beings and the society of her time. She mocked them while describing them precisely. Similarly, your astute, superb social observations give us a brilliant glimpse into the follies, minds, hearts, customs and traditions of life in the South late 20th and 21th century. Your cultural references are to die for.

One last thing. Who would have thought that the two cataclysmic and catalytic events in the lives of these boys would be changes in climate and love, in that order: “Life had transformed upon our immigration to stateside. And was ordained to be altered once again with the advent of Bella”
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