|Reviews for Distant Thunder|
| SteamedBun chapter 1 . 7/8/2009
Ayasaki? Hinagiku? In a kendo club...
Hayate the Combat Butler right? Or a weird coincidence?
I read this story right after reading Breathless, so I'm getting a weird vibe off of the last part, "the excited gleam in her eyes, or the look of exhilaration on her face." Is this impression accurate?
| Ranma-sama chapter 1 . 6/8/2009
Interesting to say the least. The idea of Motoko relishing combat against males is going to tie in well with Keitaro's seemingly partial invincibility (or at least it seems you may follow along that route after the roof scene). Anyway, I always look forward to releases from you, thank you for sharing.
| Thowell3 chapter 1 . 6/4/2009
Will this be a Motoko and Keitaro fan fic?
| Myself chapter 1 . 6/3/2009
A lil on the violent side, but it can be believed at this point. Side note...did you borrow those names from Hayate the combat butler? Seems a lil to close to the mark.
| Marzan chapter 1 . 6/3/2009
You've really given Motoko an edge so far. Really well written as always. Looking forward to reading another one of your Love Hina fics!
| anon chapter 1 . 6/3/2009
I find it odd that the girls and boys are trained separately at the dojo, but I'll chalk it up to hardline gender issues in Japan.
However, what I find unbeleivable is how far Motoko had gone before Tsurouko called a stop to it. Tsuruko had called a halt, she never allowed battle to continue, yet Motoko went on the attack. Tsuruko should have been calling stop immediately. proclaiming she had called halt and Motoko was to stand down. Plus, no matter how fast Motoko is and how much that could have been done quickly, tsuruko is faster. A split-second to use a chi attack to separate Motoko from Ayasaki, by blasting her back, is all it takes. Any other dojo, a student would not be allowed to attack out of turn like that. I have to imagine the same applies to the Shinmeiryu too.
Motoko behaving such show poorly upon herself, but even worse on the Sensei for not stopping it. There was plenty of time to do so, going by the description of the fight. Ayasake was dodging and blocking for some time.
I understand the role such a scene has in the story, but I can't buy such negligence from Tsuruko.
Instead of a sanctioned match, it would have worked better as an unsanctioned one. Motoko, bored from lack of challenges among the girls, challenges an older boy. There are a few kids around, so there are witnesses. The two fight, it proceeds much like you have it here, and Tsuruko comes upon them in time to keep Motoko from killing Ayasaki. Perhaps by using a chi attack to do so. This allows Motoko to show her man-hating violent tendencies without requiring Tsuruko to be 'sleeping on the job'.
Also, whether or not Motoko's and Tsuruko's parents are alive or not isn't established in canon. For something this severe, I could see them being part of it. If nothing else, then as someone who Tsuruko talks to for advice.
| WarpWizard chapter 1 . 6/3/2009
Heh, from the last bit I get the impression that Motoko is pleased to have found a toy that can take a licking and keep on ticking. :)
| Shigur3 chapter 1 . 6/3/2009
As good as always and as others have said it's a different take on the characters actions. I look forward to more.
| glAssbOy chapter 1 . 6/3/2009
Well, using the some parts of the manga maybe rehash, but what the hell? If it helps forwarding the story, then it's okay.
Somehow, I remember your other work that was posted on AFF. Motoko's characterization gave me the creeps. This one, seems a little bit more disturbed. I just wonder how it will turn out.
| HarimaHige chapter 1 . 6/3/2009
I like this idea of yours. This story sounds interessting.
But i have one point i dont like. This Keitaro is a wimp. I known he is not a hero or something but he is not dumb. He should known that what the girls did, especialy Motoko, was wrong. This was not some beating, this was abuse. Thanks for your hard work.
| Arnoldstrife chapter 1 . 6/3/2009
Oh wow amazing. Quite shocking actually, this looks to be quite an epic. Hopefully like one of your 50,0 word epics that I love quite alot. Amazing pretense, very unique, and different. I can't wait to see where you go with this. just an intro rehashing seems perfectly fine to me. but yah I don't really like it when someone follows the story the entire time just changing small bits and pieces. Just the intro is fine, kinda like a branching point between the original and yours.
I like this super dramatic tread you are starting to do like "Reunion".
| rincewind1990 chapter 1 . 6/2/2009
a good start and i like where this is going keep it up
| ry chapter 1 . 6/2/2009
so far i love it. I cant wait for the next chapter.
| Lord Raa chapter 1 . 6/2/2009
Interesting take on things.
I look forward to reading more.
| Starfire99 chapter 1 . 6/2/2009
Interesting start. Is this going to be a Keitaro/Motoko pairing?