Reviews for Catherine's Adventures in the Parallel World
TiraLu chapter 5 . 3/2
I hope you continue this. It is by far to interesting to be left unfinished!
JillIsMe chapter 5 . 8/15/2011
Izzie: Catherine! Thank God you're here! We have a crisis!

Catherine: Isn't ten o'clock in the morning a little early for a crisis?

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I'm never snippy with Izzie, not that she notices anything about me that doesn't directly affect her, but finding out that she and Jamie are dating though Facebook has put a bit of a damper on my Izzie Love.

Izzie: You're so cute, Catherine. But enough about you! Let's talk about the film we have to buy before our trip to the Statue of Liberty. I forgot that I used up the last of my pictures on the Empire State Building. After all, the Statue of Liberty IS New York.

Catherine: I'm not understanding the crisis, Izzie. There's plenty of time between now and tomorrow to buy film.

Izzie: You mean there's plenty of time between this morning and this afternoon.

Catherine: I'm not going to the Statue of Liberty this afternoon. I've already made plans with Rhys and Elle Tilney.

Izzie: Your little play-date is TOMORROW.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: If anyone knows when my "little play-date" is, it's me.

Izzie: I don't understand why you're being so selfish, Catherine!

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Me? Selfish? If I'd been a little more shrewd, or maybe a little more jaded, I would have realized that Izzie planned the Statue of Liberty excursion after I told her about Rhys and Elle.

Izzie: Jamie, your brother, is only here for two more days! You can play with the Tilneys later.

Catherine: I'm! not! going! Izzie!

Izzie: Fine! Don't go! But know that you're letting everyone down. Me. Jamie. And John. John was really looking forward to this.

Jamie: What's wrong with you two? Are you trying to wake the entire hotel? It's a miracle they haven't sent Security down here to see who's been murdered.

Izzie: Your...*Hisses* SISTER isn't coming to the Statue of Liberty.

Jamie: Okay. It'll still be there tomorrow.

John: What is she doing today that's too important to put off?

Catherine: I promised Rhys and Elle...

John: Rhys? Is that the skinny guy with the brown hair?

Catherine: Yes.

John: And his sister looks like Clare Danes, but with brown hair, doesn't she?

Catherine: Yes.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I can feel my heart sinking into my toes.

John: I passed them in the hall. He was talking about needing to go to New Jersey on business, and she asked how long he'd be gone, and he said all day, so she said she'd come along to get a little peace and quiet.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I felt like a cannonball had been shot through my chest. On the one hand, John wouldn't lie about Rhys and Elle going out of town. He throws tantrums about every little thing, like a two-year-old, but he doesn't intentionally hurt people. On the other hand, why would Rhys invite me to go somewhere with him on the day he knew he was going to be out of town? Was he screwing with me? Did he think I'd get over my crush on him if he built me up before shattering my heart? Maybe he really did think I was immature. And yet...could someone who didn't laugh at me when I talked about time travel really be such a...

Izzie: He's a douchebag, Catherine! Don't call him. Don't text him. Don't leave a message for him at the front desk. If he thinks you'll just wait around for him to remember he made plans with you...he's got another thing coming!

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I go to the Statue of Liberty wanting to be killed. I return from the State of Liberty wanting to do some killing. During my trip, I got two messages from Rhys. Message the First (at 12:05): Came by, but your aunt said you were gone. Must be out with one of your many men. Message the Second: You win.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: This seems so much more like a loss than a win.

Catherine: *Rages* He lied to me! He actually lied to me!

Jamie: You must have misunderstood.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I know Jamie's being a good boyfriend by sticking up for Izzie's brother, but shouldn't he be more worried about being a good brother right now? His duty to take my side is even greater because he's both brother and best friend. At least, that's how I thought he felt about me.

Catherine: *Glares like a homicidal maniac*

Jamie: Alright, John's an ass, but this isn't the end of the world. All you have to do is send Rhys a text about how you got the day wrong, and he'll get over it.

Catherine: *Glares less homicide-ally*

Jamie: If he stops liking you because of a little mix-up, he IS from the Dark Side.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Coming to New York has only strengthened my belief in destiny, because, here I am at Wicked, and Rhys and Elle are just a few rows ahead of me. Unfortunately, Rhys finally decided to look at me when John was making the only funny remark he has ever made in his life, so I was laughing. Then, Rhys storms out of theater, without waiting for the intermission, so I run after him, which was probably extremely undignified, and rude to the other audience members, and it definitely flies in the face of strategy. But, however this thing with Rhys turns out, I know I have a damn good story.

Catherine: *Pants* Rhys! Rhys! I can explain!

Catherine: I know you hate me, but it wasn't my fault. John said he heard you and Elle talking about going out of town for the day, and I couldn't understand why you would do that when I thought we had plans (Rhys: We did!), so my feelings were hurt, and everyone was encouraging me to blow you off, like you'd blown me off, by going to the Statue of Liberty, so I did, but I forgot my phone, so I didn't get your text messages until two hours ago. If I'd gotten the first one, I would have jumped ship right then, because I would have much rather been with you (Rhys: *Smiles*)...and Elle! I just can't understand why John would lie to me, and if you give me another chance...I promise not to mess it up.

Rhys: First: I have no idea what you just said. Second: you have a lot of breath for such a tiny person.

Catherine: I said I'm sorry. I'm saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Rhys: Careful, Morland, or I might actually believe that you're sorry. We'll try again tomorrow at noon. But that's your last chance. If you stand me up again...I won't be so willing to listen to your nonsense about mix-ups.

Catherine: Tomorrow. Noon. Great.

Rhys: *Looks at John* You know, even if he is a liar, I don't blame you for picking him over me, with all his height and Robert Pattinson hair.

Catherine: I think you're right. There really is no contest.

Rhys: I don't know. Tomorrow might change your mind.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: For some reason, my feet feel like they're defying gravity.
JillIsMe chapter 4 . 8/15/2011
Izzie: Whose idea was it to go look at stupid art?

Catherine: You know the adults think they're not doing their jobs if we don't get a little culture while we're here.

Jamie: Damn! I guess that means Torchwood will have to wait.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Jamie wasn't pleased by the amount of time Izzie had been spending with Captain Jack Harkness recently.

Izzie: *Sighs heavily* Even if the paintings are boring, at least there will be cute, sensitive boys to look at.

Jamie: *Looks crestfallen, as Izzie flounces away* She's killing me, Cath! She's killing me!

Catherine: She calls that "strategy."

Jamie: Yay?

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Izzie's definition of "strategy" is that boys will want you more if you act like you don't like them. I thought this was a little bit mean, and now, seeing my best friend practically on the verge of tears, I know it's a lot mean.

John: If you need a little more time here, I think I'll try to catch up with Izzie and Jamie.

Catherine: That's fine. I'll see you later.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Izzie and Jamie had left me alone with John, again, because strategy doesn't mean ignoring your boy all the time; if you do, you'll end up alone. John was boring me with the history of each piece, until he realized I was less interested and slower on the uptake than he is. Finally, he left me to wander in peace.

Rhys: You again? Okay, I'm officially frightened! Who's the stalker now, Catherine?

Catherine: What? Sorry. This painting is a little overwhelming.

Rhys: Hence the title.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: As it turned out, I was just about to go cross-eyed from staring so long at a painting called "War."

Catherine: Oh. Well, that's apt.

Rhys: I think we could both use a break. Honestly, this art thing is way over my head. I'm just trying to get on Elle's good side. Elle is my sister, who you should meet, actually. Since you're here, and I'm here, and she's here. If you want.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I'd never wanted to meet a sister more in my entire life. Strategy and my mother's past be damned! I totally dig this guy.

Rhys: So, how do you like New York?

Catherine: It's wonderful.

Rhys: And, is this your first visit?

Catherine: It's my first time visiting anywhere.

Rhys: Well, there's a first time for everything. *Furrows brow* Actually, that's not true.

Catherine: But...

Rhys: No "but"s. Think about it. There isn't a first time for everything, because there are some things we never do. For instance, I never stalk people.

Catherine: I never time travel.

Rhys: Time travel, huh? Now that's a superpower I wish I had.

Catherine: So you could go back to that pool and push me in?

Rhys: Alas, Miss Catherine, I will have to live with the regret of not pushing you in the pool when I had the chance. However, my psychic powers assure me that you will be writing in your diary in the future.

Catherine: *Snorts* I don't have a diary.

Rhys: But you do have a Facebook page, and your Facebook page will say you were at The Met, looking very pretty indeed, when you were assaulted by the guy who pretends to know your aunt, and forces you to listen to his mindless prattle.

Elle: Gave up already, I see. That didn't take long.

Rhys: *Looks at his watch* Fifteen minutes? I think that's a record.

Elle: I guess I can't blame you, since it seems like something more interesting came up.

Rhys: Elle, this is Catherine. Even though she's been stalking me, I couldn't leave her to face Jackson Pollock alone.

Elle: Pollock? Yikes! I've heard his "War" painting can give you nightmares.

Rhys: It looks like I found you just in time, Catherine.

Elle: Catherine? Catherine? That's right! Rhys has mentioned you. He said something about knowing your aunt when we were younger. I'm sorry I don't remember, but I must have been four at the time.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Rhys mentions me? I know she's saying other words, but my brain only got as far as "Rhys has mentioned you"...before it exploded.

Rhys: What were you doing alone, anyway?

Catherine: I'm not alone.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Argument-wise, this isn't my finest hour.

Rhys: Not now, but you were when I found you. What kind of people abandon someone with Pollock? I thought you were quite tragic, actually.

Catherine: I abandoned them first.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: The fire of indignation does not enter my words. Rhys can see that I'm all bark and no bite, so he laughs, not in a this-child-is-a-dumbass way, but in a she's-funny-and-I-like-her-for-it way. My heart soars, until my phone rings.

Catherine: That'll be my abandoners.

Elle: Too bad. I wanted to get to know you better.

Catherine: Me too.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: There's a longing in my voice that I hope is only audible to me, but Rhys knows I'm deflating.

Rhys: I know we've been running into each other all over New York, but I'm going to give you my number, because I'd hate to tempt fate. And, just to be doubly certain, you'd better give me your number.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: He hands me his business card so nonchalantly that I wonder how much practice he's had giving business cards to the fairer sex. But, that's just my father talking. Rhys is not the one who left me with Jackson Pollock. Rhys is not from the Dark Side.

Rhys: Besides, we should do something sometime, on purpose, not just because we happen to be in the same place. You can come too, Elle.

Elle: Yeesh! With an invitation like that, how could I refuse?

Catherine: *Raises an eyebrow at the state of Jamie's hair (tousled) and clothes (wrinkled)* You look like someone who's not being killed, Brother Dearest.

Jamie: And you look like someone who's discovered the joys of art, as well, Sister Dearest.

Catherine's Phone: Beep!

Text Message from Rhys: Hasn't anyone ever told you not to give your number to strangers?

Catherine's Mental Monologue: And just like that, I fell hopelessly in love.
JillIsMe chapter 3 . 8/15/2011
Izzie: And, you've really never had a boyfriend? NEVER? In eighteen years? Because, damn! That's a long time.

Catherine: All the boys I know don't seem...

Izzie: Cath, standards are all well and good, in fact, I have plenty myself, but they don't keep a girl warm at night.

Catherine: I suppose...

Izzie: The thing is, you're on vacation, so your standards should be on vacation too.

Catherine: I guess that makes sense.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Izzie probably had a point about my standards, but I can't seem to stop holding out hope for the guy I end up with to be part of my destiny. This will be my downfall. I know it, but I can't help it.

Izzie: Let's start with John. He likes you.

Catherine's Face: Wah?

Izzie: He hasn't told me or anything, but we have a bond, you know? It's Sibling Intuition. You'll have a boyfriend by the end of the week, Catherine. I can almost guarantee it.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: How Izzie plans to accomplish something in seven days that I haven't managed to do in eighteen years is beyond me, but I wouldn't bet against her. A boyfriend? Me? DOOM! Unless, this could be the start of my good story.

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: Hey, You.

Catherine: *Squeaks* Hi.

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: I'm not stalking you.

Catherine: Sorry?

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: You just squeaked, which means I've frightened you. Of course, squeaking could be a habit of yours, in which case...I find it endearing.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: His greeting had interrupted my imaginings about living in a world run by evil robot overlords, so I was a bit on edge.

Catherine: I guess I can forgive you for sneaking up on me. Besides, I wouldn't have minded a stalker. It seems exciting.

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: Spoken like someone who watches too much television.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I'm beginning to feel very immature, which is unusual for me. Unlike my mother, I've been told I have a very good head on my shoulders. Jamie's supposed to be the immature one. Why is this guy wasting his time on me when I'm such a big, fat baby?

Catherine: I take it you don't?

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: I do, actually. Much too much. I'm Rhys, by they way. It's been a pleasure not stalking you...

Catherine: It's Cath...er...Catherine Morland.

Aunt Gail: Catherine, dear, where's the other Bookend?

Catherine: Jamie hasn't gotten...

Aunt Gail: And who might you be?

Rhys: Rhys. Rhys Tilney.

Aunt Gail: Bless my soul! You ARE Rhys Tilney.

Rhys: You remember me? I'm surprised you're not running in the opposite direction. I've been told I was a terrible child.

Aunt Gail: Nonsense! You were no different than any other child I've met. Imagine! All of us staying in the same hotel. It's almost like...

Rhys: It must be destiny, Ma'am.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Rhys believes in destiny? He is PERFECT.

Aunt Gail: Destiny? I love that. I best leave you two kids to it, but don't forget to bring Jamie to see me when he arrives, Catherine.

Jamie: Speak of the devil! Don't say anything, Catherine, not even how the weather is, because I am the emissary of a beloved father's most important message, and I've been charged with not forgetting a single syllable, lest I suffer loss of life, limb, and dating privileges. Said beloved father wants me to remind you that the cell phone, which he pays for, must be used to call him once in awhile. He also begs you to remember that you are a stranger in a strange land, and the Dark Side is strong.

Catherine: Daddy doesn't know what the Dark Side is.

Jamie: The language barrier between Frantic Father and Sci-Fi Geek Daughter isn't exactly small. I'm doing the best I can here. Just call your dad, so I can enjoy my vacation. *Turns to Rhys* You're John, right? I'm supposed to find your sister.

Rhys: I'm Rhys, actually.

Jamie: Catherine, when did you get so many men?

Catherine: I don't have men! I don't even have man. I just...

Jamie: Breathe, Cath. *Turns back to Rhys* It's nice to meet you. I hope you don't judge me too harshly by my little sister. It's her first time in the big city, so she's a bit... *Backs away from Catherine's furious glare and clenched fists* Well, message delivered! Come on, Cath! Gail's waiting, and you know I never keep a lady waiting.

Catherine: I'm so sorry about all *Gestures at Jamie* this! I hope we can see each other again...on better terms.

Rhys: You heard your aunt. I'm practically an old friend of the family, so it seems like we're stuck with each other, Cath...er...Catherine Morland.

Catherine: So, that means I'll see you again, right?

Rhys: Well, as long as you don't mind having a stalker...

Jamie: I think Rhys is what Brad means by the Dark Side.

Catherine: That's ridiculous! He's nice.

Jamie: Boys always seem nice. It's how we get what we want.

Catherine: He doesn't want...

Jamie: He wants. We all do. Trust me. You are your best defense, so be careful.

Catherine: I can't believe you're trying to warn me about boys when you're just as...

Jamie: Remember that breathing thing I told you about? You should get on that. Relax, Cath! I'm not here to play Big Brother. I'm here to meet your pretty friend. I just don't want you to get hurt while I'm otherwise engaged. You're the best friend I have, you know?

Catherine: I know.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: But I also know that I have no intention of being talked into not trusting Rhys Tilney. Maybe the Dark Side has already won.

Catherine: I like it up here. I feel bigger.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: The top of the Empire State Building is the closest I have ever been to the sky. From this vantage point, you can look down on the world, and see the sum of its parts. And the sum of the world's parts is every creature going through the adventure that is life. I was too far up to see people, of course, but I could see the rooftops of buildings where people lived and worked and went about the business of being people.

John: I feel like a terrorist target.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I like John for Izzie's sake, but I'm not sure I like John for John. We don't have anything in common, and I always seem to say something that pisses him off. He isn't, as Izzie would have said, my kindred spirit.

John: It's good that you're happy here.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: It's very polite of you to say so, but there's something calculated in your politeness. I can't help noticing that you haven't mentioned your happiness. I wish The Doctor was here. He appreciates the magic and beauty of moments like these. Or, maybe I just wish Rhys was here. He might tease me, but at least he understands me.
JillIsMe chapter 2 . 8/15/2011
Catherine's Mental Monologue: I fell in love with science fiction three years ago, and it's all Eric Miller's fault. Eric and I stocked shelves and manned cash registers together in his father's store. I would fantasize about him asking to hold my hand, and asking to kiss me in the vacant lot behind the store. When these fantasies became reality, I would have good stories to tell our children. That was what I really wanted out of life: to have a good story to tell. Of course, my noticing Eric didn't mean he noticed me, so, after overhearing him discussing some show called Dr. Who with his friend Andy, I invited myself to his house to watch TV. Dr. Who had me at "Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life!".

Aunt Gail: I just know you and Izzie will become the best of friends!

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I knew it, as well, because Aunt Gail had talked of nothing else for what seems like forever. Not that I was opposed to the idea of meeting my best friend in New York. In fact, that sounds like a great story.

Izzie: Catherine Morland! FINALLY! I've just been DYING to meet you! Have you met any cute guys yet? I sat next to quite the silver fox on the plane, but I didn't ask for his number or anything, because I'm saving myself for your brother.

John: Down, girl! You'll scare Catherine away.

Izzie: That's never gonna happen. Catherine and I are kindred spirits. I can feel it.

Catherine: Oh? Like Kara and Lee!

Izzie: Whatever! So, about your brother...

Catherine's Mental Monologue: If Izzie doesn't know about Kara and Lee...we might not be kindred spirits after all.

Catherine: Jamie's not here.

Izzie: I was promised a brother, Catherine. Besides, I brought my brother for you. He's the perfect height and everything!

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I couldn't stop myself from giving Izzie's brother the once-over. I'm no judge of perfect heights, but I didn't know what to think when he put the biggest suitcase in front of his sister. Was he really expecting her to carry that monster by herself? Izzie just rolled her eyes, as if to say, "He hasn't gotten the memo that chivalry isn't dead." With a sigh, John took the suitcase back. He answered my giggle with a pleasant enough smile. Maybe this wouldn't be too bad.

Izzie: Earth to Catherine! Come in, Catherine! Get your brother on the phone!

Jamie (Over the phone): How's the weather, Cath?

Izzie: I haven't been outside yet.

Jamie: You're not Cath.

Izzie: No, but I am disappointed that you weren't here to meet me.

Jamie: Izzie? No guy would use his vacation time on an ugly girl.

Catherine: *Facepalm*

Izzie: I'm not ugly.

Jamie: I need a second opinion on that, I'm afraid. Cath?

Catherine: *Groans* She's very pretty, Jamie.

Jamie: That settles it! I'll see you both soon.

Izzie: He sounds hot, Catherine! I think I'm in love!

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Oh God! What have I done?

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: Oy! Pool girl!

Catherine's Mental Monologue: "Pool girl?" This is what you do to me in front of my relatives and friends? Insufferable man!

Izzie: That sounds vaguely dirty.

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: I swear it's not. I'd never ruin a lady's reputation.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Don't you absolutely hate it when people talk about you like you're not even there, and even worse, when they walk right past you without sparing you a glance?

Izzie: How well do you know that guy, Catherine?

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I'm cowed by the steel in her voice. Me having a stranger clearly does not fit into her plans, especially a stranger who leaves me disgusted with every outfit I've brought to New York.

Catherine: I don't even know his name.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: This seems to pacify Izzie, because the brother she brought me has no competition.

Izzie: Well, we mustn't keep John waiting!
JillIsMe chapter 1 . 8/15/2011
Catherine's Mental Monologue: The greatest adventure I've had thus far was my conception, and I wasn't even there. My mom, Caroline, or Caro, or Duck, was twenty-three during the summer she had her great adventure. She was rich, and a snob, and free for the first time, when she met my dad. One minute, she was listening to the radio, and the next, her tire was shredded, so she was walking, in her expensive shoes and expensive dress, to a nearby gas station, where she called roadside assistance. My dad was the tow-truck driver who came to her rescue. He was about her age; his hair was a little too long; he listened to country music; he smoked; his name was Bradley, and he never called her anything but Duck; he took her to the Tally Ho-tel, and she stayed with him, in what her parents would have referred to as "squalor," until she got pregnant. Bradley wanted me; she did not. Hell, Bradley wanted to marry her, but she gave me to him, and went to find a greater adventure in California. Thirteen years later, my dad settled down with the right sort of woman (one who didn't have great adventures), and he and Marge got about the business of having three children. I love those kids, but Jamie, Marge's son from her first marriage, is my best friend.

Jamie: How's the weather, Cath?

Catherine's Mental Monologue: This means "hello" in Jamie Speak.

Catherine: Come and see for yourself!

Jamie: You know I can't just go running off to New York for a week after Bradley had to let a bunch of people go. Everyone already thinks he didn't give me the axe because I'm his old lady's kid.

Catherine: Everyone is wrong, Jamie. You'll be running the place someday.

Jamie: Not if I take spontaneous trips to New York! On the other hand, if Izzie Thorpe is pretty enough, I might make an exception.

Catherine: Izzie Thorpe is gorgeous, Jamie.

Jamie: You haven't even met her yet.

Catherine: I'm psychic.

Jamie: Really? And what does my future hold, Miss Morland?

Catherine: I'll see you when you get here, Jamie! Live long and prosper.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Have I mentioned that I'm a bit of a sci-fi geek? That's why New York feels like a parallel world. That's right! After a conception straight out of a trashy romance novel, and seventeen years of nothing extraordinary happening to me, Uncle David (Duck's brother) and Aunt Gail (the pretty but neurotic one) have brought me to New York as a graduation present. Aunt Gail hopes I'll make friends with her best friend Nancy's kids (Izzie and John). Uncle David hopes I won't hook up with a mechanic, or other undesirable, like my mother. I just hope I'll have one good story to tell.

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: *Approaches Catherine, who is standing by the indoor pool* Going in?

Catherine: Only if you are.

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: I thought the lady was supposed to go first.

Catherine: That sounds like a coward's excuse.

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: "Coward," she says. *Takes off his shoes* Let's do this!

Catherine: *Takes a step back* Maybe next time.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I couldn't have jumped in fully-clothed, could I? This was a posh hotel. Guests in posh hotels don't do that sort of thing. I think. Anyway! When in a parallel world, one must always follow the rules of said world.

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: It's a date.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Date? Yeah right! He didn't even tell me his name.
JillIsMe chapter 5 . 7/22/2011
Izzie: Catherine! Thank god you're here! We have a crisis!

Catherine: Isn't ten o'clock in the morning a little early for a crisis?

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I'm never snippy with Izzie, not that she notices anything about me that doesn't directly affect her, but finding out that she and Jamie are dating though Facebook has put a bit of a damper on my Izzie Love.

Izzie: You're so cute, Catherine. But enough about you! Let's talk about the film we have to buy before our trip to the Statue of Liberty. I forgot that I used up the last of my pictures on the Empire State Building. And the Statue of Liberty IS New York.

Catherine: I'm not understanding the crisis, Izzie. There's plenty of time between now and tomorrow to buy film.

Izzie: You mean there's plenty of time between this morning and this afternoon.

Catherine: I'm not going to the Statue of Liberty this afternoon. I've already made plans with Rhys and Elle Tilney.

Izzie: Your little play-date is TOMORROW.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: If anyone knows when my "little play-date" is, it's me.

Izzie: I don't understand why you're being so selfish, Catherine!

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Me? Selfish? If I'd been a little more shrewd, or maybe a little more jaded, I would have realized that Izzie planned the Statue of Liberty excursion after I told her about Rhys and Elle.

Izzie: Jamie, your brother, is only here for two more days! You can play with the Tilneys later.

Catherine: I'm! not! going! Izzie!

Izzie: Fine! Don't go! But know that you're letting everyone down. Me. Jamie. And John. John was really looking forward to this.

Jamie: What's wrong with you two? Are you trying to wake the entire hotel? It's a miracle they haven't sent Security down here to see who's been murdered.

Izzie: Your...*Hisses* SISTER isn't coming to the Statue of Liberty.

Jamie: Okay. It'll still be there tomorrow.

John: What is she doing today that's too important to put off?

Catherine: I promised Rhys and Elle...

John: Rhys? Is that the skinny guy with the brown hair?

Catherine: Yes.

John: And his sister looks like Clare Danes but with brown hair, doesn't she?

Catherine: Yes.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I can feel my heart sinking into my toes.

John: I passed them in the hall. He was talking about needing to go to New Jersey on business, and she asked how long he'd be gone, and he said all day, so she said she'd come along to get a little peace and quiet.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I felt like a cannonball had been shot through my chest. On the one hand, John wouldn't lie about Rhys and Elle going out of town. He throws tantrums about every little thing like a two-year-old, but he doesn't intentionally hurt people. On the other hand, why would Rhys invite me somewhere if he knew he was going to be out town? Was he screwing with me? Did he think the best way to cure me of my crush on him was to build me up and shatter my heart? Could someone who didn't laugh when I talked about time travel really be such a...

Izzie: He's a douchebag, Catherine! Don't call him. Don't text him. Don't leave a message for him at the front desk. If he thinks you'll just wait around for him to remember he made plans with you...he's got another thing coming!

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I go to the Statue of Liberty wanting to be killed. I return from the State of Liberty wanting to do some killing. During my trip, I get two messages from Rhys. Message the First (at 12:05): Came by, but your aunt said you were gone. Must be out with one of your many men. Message the Second: You win.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: This seems so much more like a loss than a win.

Catherine: *Rages* He lied to me! He actually lied to me!

Jamie: You must have misunderstood.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I know Jamie's being a good boyfriend by sticking up for Izzie's brother, but shouldn't he be more worried about being a good brother right now? His duty to take my side is even greater because he's both brother and best friend. At least, that's how I thought he felt about me.

Catherine: *Homicidal maniac glare*

Jamie: Alright, John's an ass, but this isn't the end of the world. All you have to do is send Rhys a text about how you got the day wrong, and he'll get over it.

Catherine: *Glares less homicide-ally*

Jamie: If he stops liking you because of a little mix-up, he is from the Dark Side.

Jill: Maybe there's something to Catherine's belief in destiny, because Rhys and Elle are just a few rows away at the theater. The poor thing doesn't even get to enjoy Wicked, she's so pissed and verklempt. To make matters worse, Rhys chooses to look at her while John is making the only funny remark he has ever made in his life, so Catherine is laughing (even though she's mad at him (Flames!-Flames-on-the-side-of-her-face! mad)). What would you do if the person you're in love with is laughing with the opposition on the same day the person you're in love with went out with the opposition when they were supposed to be going out with you? You'd probably do what Rhys does: storm out.

Catherine: *Pants* Rhys! Rhys! I can explain!

Jill: *Pets Catherine's head* Not really, but it's fun watching you try.

Catherine: I know you hate me, but it wasn't my fault. John said he heard you and Elle talking about going out of town for the day, and I couldn't understand why you would do that when I thought we had plans (Rhys: We did!), so my feelings were hurt, and everyone was encouraging me to blow you off like you'd blown me off by going to the Statue of Liberty, so I did, but I forgot my phone, so I didn't get your text messages until two hours ago. If I'd gotten the first one I would have jumped ship right then, because I would have much rather been with you (Rhys: *Smiles*)...and Elle! I just can't understand why John would lie to me, and if you give me another chance I promise not to mess it up.

Rhys: First, I have no idea what you just said. Second, you have a lot of breath for such a tiny person.

Catherine: I said I'm sorry. I'm saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Rhys: Careful, Morland, or I might actually believe that you're sorry. We'll try again tomorrow at noon. But that's your last chance. If you stand me up again, I won't be so willing to listen to your nonsense about mix-ups.

Catherine: Tomorrow. Noon. Okay.

Rhys: *Looks at John* You know, even if he is a liar, I don't blame you for picking him over me, with all his height and Robert Pattinson hair.

Catherine: I think you're right. There really is no contest.

Rhys: I don't know. Tomorrow might change your mind.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: For some reason, my feet feel like they're defying gravity.
JillIsMe chapter 4 . 7/22/2011
Jill: I'm not sure I like Catherine's theory that converting someone to sci-fi requires matching the right show to the right person. What does it say about me that I'm practically dying to watch Farscape (thanks to your story), which is mostly about people suffering (Scorpius in John's head, anyone?)? Torchwood sounds much more like something an emotionally healthy person would be interested in (maybe not the fighting each other part, but the sexing each other part). The point is: Catherine has gotten Izzie hooked on Torchwood episodes (via Jamie's computer), and Izzie would rather hang out with Captain Jack than waste time getting cultured at an art museum. Izzie has my full support, and Izzie never has my full support, because I've spent enough time at museums with my mother to learn that standing around one abstract for five hours waiting for someone to make up their mind about . . is cruel and unusual punishment.

Izzie: *Sighing heavily* Even if the paintings are boring, at least there will be cute, sensitive boys to look at.

Jamie: *Looking crestfallen as Izzie flounces away* She's killing me, Catherine. She's killing me. I can't breathe when she says stuff like that.

Catherine: It's strategy.

Jamie: Yay?

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Izzie's definition of "strategy" is that boys will want you more if you act like you don't like them. I thought this was a little bit mean, and now, seeing my best friend practically on the verge of tears, I know it's a lot mean.

Jill: At the museum, Izzie takes Jamie away (because strategy doesn't mean ignoring your boy all the time; if you do, you'll end up alone), leaving Catherine with John, who bores her with the history of each piece. Seeing that she isn't as interested as he is, or as quick to grasp the historical significance of anything, he leaves her to her own devices. Catherine becomes my mother, with the staring at one painting for five hours in the hopes of divining its meaning thing, and Rhys's arrival saves us both.

Rhys: You again? Okay, I'm officially frightened. Who's the stalker now, Catherine?

Catherine: What? Sorry. This painting is a little overwhelming.

Rhys: Hence the title. (Jill: The title is "War." Hee!)

Catherine: Oh. Well, that's apt.

Rhys: I think we could both use a break. Honestly, this art thing is way over my head. I'm just trying to get on my sister Elle's good side, who you should meet, actually. Since you're here, and I'm here, and she's here. If you want.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I'd never wanted to meet a sister more in my entire life.

Jill: Awww! Rhys wants Catherine to meet the family. It's love!

Rhys: So, how do you like New York?

Catherine: It's wonderful.

Rhys: And is this your first visit?

Catherine: It's my first time visiting anywhere.

Rhys: Well, there's a first time for everything. *Brow furrows* Actually, that's not true.

Catherine: But...

Rhys: No "but"s. Think about it. There isn't a first time for everything, because there are some things we never do. For instance, I never stalk people.

Catherine: I never time travel.

Rhys: Time travel, huh? Now that's a superpower I wish I had.

Jill: I love how Rhys is willing to ride Catherine's geek wave anywhere.

Catherine: So you could go back to that pool and push me in?

Rhys: Alas, Miss Catherine, I will have to live with the regret of not pushing you in the pool when I had the chance. However, I see you writing in your diary in the future.

Catherine: *Snorts* I don't have a diary.

Rhys: But you do have a Facebook page, and your Facebook page will say you were at The Met, looking very pretty indeed, when you were assaulted by a guy who pretends to know your aunt and forces you to listen to his mindless prattle.

Elle: Gave up already, I see. That didn't take long.

Rhys: *Looking at his watch* Fifteen minutes? I think that's a record.

Elle: I guess I can't blame you, since it seems like something more interesting came up.

Rhys: Elle, this is Catherine. Even though she's been stalking me, I couldn't leave her to face Jackson Pollock alone.

Elle: Pollock? Yikes! I've heard his "War" painting can give you nightmares.

Rhys: It looks like I found you just in time, Catherine.

Elle: Catherine? Catherine? That's right! Rhys has mentioned you. He said something about knowing your aunt when we were younger. I'm sorry I don't remember. I must have been four.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Rhys mentions me? I know she's saying other words, but my brain only got as far as "Rhys has mentioned you" before it exploded.

Rhys: What were you doing alone, anyway?

Catherine: I'm not alone.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Argument-wise, this isn't my finest hour.

Rhys: Not now, but you were when I found you. What kind of people abandon someone with Pollock? I thought you were quite tragic, actually.

Catherine: I abandoned them first.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: The fire of indignation does not enter my words. Rhys can see that I'm all bark and no bite, so he laughs, not in a this-child-is-a-dumbass way, but in a she's-funny-and-I-like-her-for-it way. My heart soars, until my phone rings.

Catherine: That'll be my abandoners.

Elle: Too bad. I wanted to get to know you better.

Catherine: Me, too.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: There's a longing in my voice I hope is only audible to me, but Rhys knows I'm deflating.

Rhys: I know we've been running into each other all over New York, but here's my number anyway. I'd hate to tempt fate. Just to be doubly certain, you'd better give me your number.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: He hands me his business card so nonchalantly that I wonder how much practice he's had giving business cards to the fairer sex, but that's just my father talking. Rhys is not the one who left me with Jackson Pollock. Rhys is not from the Dark Side.

Rhys: Besides, we should do something sometime, on purpose, not just because we happen to be in the same place. You can come too, Elle.

Elle: Yeesh! With an invitation like that, how could I refuse?

Catherine: *Raising an eyebrow at the state of Jamie's hair (tousled) and clothes (wrinkled)* You look like someone who's not being killed, Brother dearest.

Jamie: And you look like someone who's discovered the joys of art as well, Sister dearest.

Catherine's Phone: Beep! (Jill: There's a certain sound your phone makes when you get a text message, but I can't think of the corresponding word.)

Text Message from Rhys: Hasn't anyone ever told you not to give your number to strangers?

Catherine's Mental Monologue: And just like that, I was a goner.
JillIsMe chapter 3 . 7/22/2011
Izzie: Why haven't you had a boyfriend, Catherine?

Catherine: All the boys I know don't seem...

Izzie: Standards are all well and good, in fact, I have plenty myself, but they don't keep a girl warm at night.

Catherine: I suppose...

Izzie: Good! That's settled! We'll just have to relax your standards a bit while we're here.

Catherine: Okay?

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Izzie probably had a point about my standards, given how they revolved around someone like Captain Kirk (Jill: William Shatner? Really?) and Captain Jack Harkness (Jill: I'm a fan of gay, but his sexuality is a little too fluid for me) and Captain Mal and Captain Apollo (Jill: I would add my beloved John Crichton to this list. I know he's not a Captain, but he's the idea guy who seems to hold the leadership reins an awful lot. Not to mention, have you seen the leather pants (on Claudia Black as well)? There's a whole lot of pretty on my show.). My biggest problem is that I'm holding out hope for the guy I end up with to be part of my destiny. This will be my downfall. I know it, but I can't help it.

Izzie: Let's start with John. He likes you.

Catherine's Face: Wah?

Izzie: He hasn't told me or anything, but we have a bond, you know? It's Sibling Intuition. You'll have a boyfriend by the end of the week, Catherine. I can almost guarantee it.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: How Izzie plans to accomplish something in 7 days that I haven't managed in 6,209 (Google tells me this includes a leap year) is beyond me, but I wouldn't bet against her. A boyfriend? Me? Panic stations!

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: Hey, you.

Catherine: *Squeaks* Hi.

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: I'm not stalking you.

Catherine: Sorry?

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: You just squeaked.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: His greeting had interrupted my imaginings about living in a world run by evil robot overlords, so I was a bit on edge.

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: I'm afraid I've scared you, but let me assure you I mean you no harm.

Catherine: Good to know. Although, I wouldn't have minded a stalker. It seems exciting.

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: Spoken like someone who watches too much television.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I'm beginning to feel very immature, which is unusual for me. Despite who my mother was, I've been told I have a very good head my shoulders. Jamie's supposed to be the immature one. Why is this guy wasting his time on me when I'm such a big, fat baby?

Catherine: I take it you don't?

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: I do, actually. Much too much. I'm Rhys. It's been a pleasure not stalking you...

Catherine: It's Cath...er...Catherine.

Aunt Gail: Catherine, dear, where's the other bookend?

Catherine: Izzie's...

Aunt Gail: And who might you be?

Rhys: Rhys. Rhys Tilney.

Aunt Gail: Bless my soul! You are Rhys Tilney.

Rhys: You remember me? I'm surprised you're not running in the opposite direction. I've been told I was a terrible child.

Aunt Gail: Nonsense! You were no different than any other child I've met. Imagine! All of us staying in the same hotel. It's almost like...

Rhys: It must be destiny, M'am.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Rhys believes in destiny? *Swoon*

Aunt Gail: Destiny? I love that. I best leave you two kids to it, but don't forget to bring Jamie to see me when he arrives, Catherine.

Jamie: Speak of the devil! Don't say anything, Catherine, not even how the weather is, because I am the emissary of a beloved father's most important message, and I've been charged with not forgetting a single syllable, lest I suffer loss of life, limb, and dating privileges. Your beloved father wants me to remind you that the cell phone, which he pays for, must be used to call him once in awhile. He also begs you to remember that you are a stranger in a strange land, and the Dark Side is strong.

Catherine: Daddy doesn't know what the Dark Side is.

Jamie: The language barrier between Frantic Father and Sci-Fi Geek Daughter isn't exactly small. I'm doing the best I can here. Just call your dad, so I can enjoy my vacation. *Turning to Rhys* You're John, right? I'm supposed to find your sister.

Rhys: I'm Rhys, actually.

Jamie: Catherine, when did you get so many men?

Catherine: I don't have men! I don't even have man. I just...

Jamie: Breathe, Cath. *Turning to Rhys* It's nice to meet you. I hope you don't judge me too harshly by my little sister. It's her first time in the big city, so she's a bit... *Backing away from Catherine's furious glare and clenched fists* Well, message delivered! Come on, Cath! Gail's waiting, and you know I never keep a lady waiting.

Catherine: I'm so sorry about all *Gestures at Jamie* this! I hope we can see each other again...on better terms.

Rhys: You heard your Aunt. I'm practically an old friend of the family, so it seems like we're stuck with each other Cath...er...Catherine.

Jamie: I think Rhys is what Brad means by the Dark Side.

Catherine: That's ridiculous! He's nice.

Jamie: Boys always seem nice. It's how we get what we want.

Catherin: He doesn't want...

Jamie: He wants. We all do. Trust me. You are your best defense, so be careful.

Catherine: I can't believe you're trying to warn me about boys when you're just as...

Jamie: Remember that breathing thing I told you about? You should get on that. Relax, Cath! I'm not here to play Big Brother. I'm here to meet your pretty friend. I just don't want you to get hurt while I'm otherwise engaged. You're the best friend I have, you know?

Catherine: I know.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: But I also know that I have no intention of being talked into not trusting Rhys Tilney. Maybe the Dark Side has already won.

Catherine: I like it up here (Jill: "Up here" being the top of the Empire State Building.). I feel bigger. (Jill: Maybe it's because you're taller than everything else when you're standing on top of something.)

John: I feel like a terrorist target.

Jill: *Spit take* Izzie and Jamie are hitting it off tremendously, just as they had planned to, but Catherine is not having as much luck with John. He wasn't, as Izzie would have said, her kindred spirit.

John: It's good that you're happy.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: It's very polite of you to say so, but there's something calculated in your politeness. I can't help noticing that you haven't mentioned your happiness. I wish The Doctor was here. He appreciates the magic and beauty of moments like these. Or, maybe I just wish Rhys was here. He might tease me, but at least he understands me.
JillIsMe chapter 2 . 7/22/2011
Catherine fell in love with science-fiction when she fell in love with Eric Miller. Three years ago, she worked with Eric in his father's convenience store; he also starred in her daydreams about being asked to hold hands and kissed in the empty lot behind the store. One day, they would get married, and she would tell her children that love could be found in unexpected places. You go to 7 Eleven looking for slurpies, not boyfriends, after all. But for the all the notice Eric took of her, he may as well have been stocking shelves and manning cash registers with someone else. Then, she got balls. She overheard Eric and his best friend discussing Dr. Who, a show they were going to watch at Eric's after work, and she invited herself to join them. "Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life!" was all it took.

Jilll: Awww! I've actually seen "Run for your life, Rose!" Weren't they being chased by mannequins or something? I think someone had a fake arm at some point.

Aunt Gail: You'll just love Izzie, dear.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: There was an order in there somewhere, which I didn't mind too much, as Aunt Gail was always giving me orders about the right sort of people to be friends with. I think she was afraid if I made friends with the wrong sort, I'd end up like my mother. Fortunately, her Izzie pitch was cut short by Izzie's arrival. Amidst the deafening squeals of Aunt Gail and Izzie's mother, Izzie and I introduced ourselves.

Izzie: We're kindred spirits, Catherine Morland, I can tell.

Catherine: Oh? Like Kara and Lee!

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I was excited by the idea of having a Lee for my Kara (Jill: Maybe it's the other way around, since I haven't seen the show), but Izzie's blank expression brought me up short. Maybe "kindred spirits" was pushing it.

Izzie: Whatever! So, tell me about the guys here! I was sitting next to quite the silver fox on the plane, but now I'm ready to meet your brother.

Catherine: Jamie's not here.

Izzie: I was promised a brother, Catherine. Besides, I brought my brother for you. He's the perfect height and everything!

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I couldn't stop myself from giving Catherine's brother the once-over. I'm no judge of perfect heights, but I didn't know what to think when he put the biggest suitcase in front of his sister. Was he really expecting her to carry that monster by herself? Izzie just rolled her eyes, as if to say "He hasn't gotten the memo that chivalry isn't dead." With a sigh, John took the suitcase back. He answered my giggle with a pleasant enough smile. Maybe this wouldn't be too bad.

Izzie: Earth to Catherine! Come in, Catherine! Get your brother on the phone!

Jamie: How's the weather, Cath?

Catherine's Mental Monologue: This was "hey" in Jamie-speak.

Izzie: I haven't been outside yet.

Jamie: You're not Cath.

Izzie: No, but I am disappointed that you weren't here to meet me as promised.

Jamie: Izzie? No guy would use his vacation time on an ugly girl.

Catherine: *Facepalm*

Izzie: I'm not ugly.

Jamie: I need a second opinion on that, I'm afraid. Cath?

Catherine: *Groans* She's very pretty, Jamie.

Jamie: That settles it! I'll see you both soon.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Oh God! What have I done?

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: Oy! Pool girl!

Catherine's Mental Monologue: "Pool girl?" This is what you do to me in front of my relatives and friends? Insufferable man!

Izzie: That sounds vaguely dirty.

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: I swear it's not. I'd never ruin a lady's reputation.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Don't you absolutely hate it when people talk about you like you're not even there, and even worse, when they walk right past you without sparing you a glance?

Izzie: How well do you know that guy, Catherine?

Catherine's Mental Monologue: I'm cowed by the steel in her voice. Me having a stranger clearly does not fit into her plans, especially a stranger who leaves me disgusted with every outfit I've brought to New York.

Catherine: I don't even know his name.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: This seems to pacify Izzie, because the brother she brought me has no competition.

Izzie: Well, then! Let's go find John!
JillIsMe chapter 1 . 7/22/2011
Reviewer's Note: These review-a-thons will not accurately reflect the spirit of the story, because I do not understand science fiction. In fact, my TV sci-fi knowledge is limited to Farscape (LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!), so I'm not dissing Catherine getting the Conn by not mentioning it. I just don't get the reference.

Jill: All of Catherine Morland's adventures happened before she was born. Her mother was a rich girl, and her father was the poor mechanic who was stupid enough to think he could get hitched to the rich girl whose car he'd hitched his tow-truck to. Duck (the name Catherine's mother gave herself (Yeah, I don't get it either!)) got pregnant, gave Catherine to her baby-daddy, and headed for California. Bradley married a nurse named Marge, who had a child (Jamie) a few years older than Catherine, and they had three children together. After seventeen years of boredom, Catherine's graduation has earned her a trip to New York with her uncle David and her aunt Gail. Gail hopes her niece will make friends with Nancy Thorpe's children (Izzie and John). David hopes his niece won't get so caught up in the big city allure that she hooks up with a mechanic or other undesirable.

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: *Approaches Catherine, who's standing by the indoor pool* Going in?

Catherine: Only if you are.

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: I thought the lady was supposed to go first.

Catherine: That sounds like a coward's excuse.

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: "Coward," she says. *Takes off his shoes* Let's do this!

Catherine: *Takes a step back* Maybe next time.

Mysterious, Handsome Stranger: It's a date.

Catherine's Mental Monologue: Date? Yeah right! He didn't even tell me his name.

Jill: Me thinks Tilney has given Baby Catherine her first taste of adventure. *Fans self* Henry Tilney is the only Bad Boy of Our Favorite Lesbian's that I like, probably because he isn't a bad boy. I just don't understand why girls are taught that a guy treating you like shit means he secretly (deep down in his heart of gold) likes you. RAGE!
ahschung chapter 5 . 6/5/2011
enjoyed this story a lot. appreciate your writing style. made me interested in northanger abbey, which I've never read.
SicilyRoyalty chapter 5 . 5/10/2011
love love love

update please! i know its been TWO YEARS but hello? faithful reader here?
Louise chapter 5 . 10/25/2010
This story is pretty much the best thing ever. Rhys is extremely awesome and I'm really enjoying all the Sci-Fi references (especially the DW ones). So yeah, I really hope you are planning on continuing this, because it's just brilliant!
Linnath chapter 5 . 8/23/2010
1: Please continue soon! I really like this version, and I like Rhys.

2: Captain Jack? Seriously? The Doctor is soooooo much awesomer! (Forgive my maladroit handling of the language, but that is the really the only way to phrase it.) Who can think of Jack - despite his looks - when the Doctor is cracking witticisms and being brave and genius and loveable? What do you think of this season, by the way?

Love, Linnath
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