|Reviews for The Return of an Angel|
| Sokai chapter 4 . 12/4/2009
Oh, bleh. Now I get it. You resurrected Liane through one of your OCs. Okie doke, then.
"My own forearm was 'too far gone' as he said ..."
You obviously played the game, as well, so...how is it that only her ARM is what was "too far gone" to be saved, when ALL of her was, in fact, too far gone to be saved? It wasn't just a little fire which had killed her, but an immense maelstrom, a pillar. Nothing and no one, short of the hand of God (THE God, anyway), Himself, could have saved her from that. Yet apparently this other "god" saves her, like she was only in a coma and with minor scrapes and burns, and her supremely charred body ACTUALLY was able to heal all the way? I get that this is a fanfic and your story and so, therefore, you can do whatever you wish. That's just fine with me, for real.
But if this "god" is so powerful to have basically regenerated Liane's body SO much that it's once again in tact, as though never being burned to a crisp, then WHY couldn't ALL of her "scars" (makes me laugh to say lol) be healed, as well, not to mention her arm? You get what I'm saying, I hope. I just mean that if your OC is THAT powerful to completely (for the most part) undo death, itself, then why NOT have Liane be flawless as before, without that scar on her face, and lost arm? It just doesn't correlate, that's all. Maybe it could have been said that he gave her the new arm, not for the sake that her old one couldn't be saved, but as the "gift" her wings are, like you'd said. And the scar on her face could have been said to be kept, also not b/c it couldn't heal all the way, but because it would serve as a reminder of what happened to her, who did it, and who'd ultimately saved her in the end.
| Sokai chapter 3 . 12/4/2009
"She can finally see her face again, although scared. It dose look kinda ... cute and sexy on her." What looked kinda cute and sexy on her? Her face, or you meant her armor? I highly doubt Jeanne, of all people and so devout within her ways/beliefs, would have thought/used the word "sexy." Don't even think anyone would/did then, either, really... lol Appealing or becoming, or even flattering, perhaps, i could see her using to describe Liane's overall appearance, and the growing attraction she had for her.
Anyway, same things like before and I'd previously pointed out. But my main concern is that it was a bit confusing as to how Liane returned in your version...I don't know, it was slightly muddled. But anyway, moving onto the final chapter.
| Sokai chapter 2 . 12/4/2009
Again, a lot of past/present tense floating around, which is a fantastic distraction, not to mention some author's notes inserted within the middle of the story (which is actually a violation on here, just so you know, before it'd get removed), and a few spelling/grammatical errors here and there...
But anyway, didn't I say Roger was a loser? You just proved my point with his scene.
| Sokai chapter 1 . 12/4/2009
It's not bad so far, although the frequent transition between past tense and present tense was rather irksome... As for Roger, it seemed to me that he had fallen for Liane the way she'd always secretly loved him (while he loved Jeanne, yea) by the end of it all, and his love for Jeanne had begun to fade, if not entirely. Then again, i also think that he merely thought he was falling for her, perhaps primarily due to the fact that she was fiercely emulating Jeanne after she'd vanished/"died" and taken her place. But who cares (well, I kinda did, cuz it bugged me that he was one minute so devoted to one woman, and then was like w/e! I'll KILL you, the next lol): Roger's INSANE. lol