|Reviews for Through A Glass Darkly|
| OtterPatronus27 chapter 1 . 7/15
Just by your writing alone, I think I may have found a gem.
| ProfEvans chapter 34 . 6/4
When I started reading, I wasn't sold. Lily just wasn't the Lily I know and love, but I wanted to give it a chance...well, I'm glad I did! They all are turning out to be very interesting characters that DO over all match with the ones on my mind and who have very unique and tangled relationships. And I love it! Excellent job of bringing the war to Hogwarts and to the Marauders and characterizing each one of your characters just right! I love how twisted Sirius is and how conflicted Lily is with trying to admit to being wrong about James! I love how the group has all of its ups and downs and they all know they need each other, but are still (realisticallyreally good at hating each other at random. Excellent job with the politics as well!
| akhirara chapter 34 . 3/26
Hi, I'm new to your writing, but can't help but love it! Can hardly waiting your next post!
| KoalaNoob chapter 13 . 9/19/2015
Yay, Lily! She's the best! :D
[but I'm starting to loathe Fridays]
This shows how much Snape's silence affects Lily. No classes for a couple days after is a pretty huge boon, and she doesn't actually dislike the classes, just the people in them. However, I feel like all the explanation afterwards is unnecessary and is obvious enough without direct statements.
[edge of her (fast blunting) quill]
I'm fairly sure the grammar here is incorrect. I couldn't find anything through googling, but "fast "blunting" makes it sound like quickly blunting is a feature of the quill, not that the quill is quickly becoming blunt.
[Just learning more French?]
Lily must be really talented linguistically to learn French so fast! The phrases she used are fairly correct and French is actually really hard to get used to.
[Severus still won't look my way]
I like how both Lily and Snape are consciously missing each other, but showing it differently. Lily is more open as a person and doesn't mind just outright trying to make eye contact, while Snape doesn't want people to know and tries to Lily however he can.
[dress robes, I've thrown on a spare pair]
I don't think dress robes should be described as a pair, aren't they just fancy robes with cuffs? There aren't two of them.
[reckless dancing and social-impropriety]
I don't think Lupin and Peter would really do this. Peter is shy with his peers and superiors and Lupin is really well-behaved.
| mockingjaybrandybuck chapter 20 . 9/8/2015
That whole first paragraph on limbo was just wonderful. So accurate too. That’s how I feel when I’m living with uncertainty or just stuck. I can just feel her pain all the way through.
Wow, Emmeline is not high on empathy is she? Right now she is coming off as a character I want to hate, but sense there is reason for sympathy.
Pain has apparently made Mary very wise, but I hope there is some joy in her future. She seems to have much more perspective and compassion for people, while still keeping her unique Maryness. She really has had somewhat of a redemption arc, even though she is miserable right now.
Gilderoy Lockhart is just as I imagined him. I wonder, is there a fragile ego hidden underneath that extremely pompous nature? Or is he really that shallow? And does that ending mean that Reg is jealous that she and Lockhart have a thing? Him of all people?
| Beckster384 chapter 34 . 9/6/2015
I've enjoyed reading this. I only came across it recently. Hope you can update more soon, but I understand if work/school gets too busy to do so. My husband is working on finishing his PhD right now as well. :)
| mockingjaybrandybuck chapter 19 . 8/31/2015
OH yeah, we get the Marauder’s map. How exciting!
It’s so interesting getting these POVs from other people. Like getting to hear Peter’s perspective on public and private James. I wonder that too. I hope she gets to see the real private James too. Though he seems to always be on cloud nine around her, so maybe that is his private James.
I kind of thought Lily might fill in at the last minute
Awww, I have a big issue with Peter, but I like that he has a girlfriend.
What the heck is Peter Pettigrew up to? And what does it have to do with Emmeline?
Wow, I didn’t see that coming. But of course he would know things others wouldn’t. He’s a rat! But its nice that he approached her, even though she doesn’t want to hear it. OH MY GOODNESS! The kiss, never saw that coming. Who knew Pettigrew was such a ladies man!
Truly this chapter really brings a character who is such a mystery and kind of comes off as one note in the books, much more to life. I don’t hate him nearly as much right now. He is just quiet and overlooked by his larger than life classmates.
| mockingjaybrandybuck chapter 18 . 8/31/2015
Awwww, she is trying so hard to pretend that they aren’t a thing. It’s cute and I get it. And her smiling all the way back to the tower was so sweet. They have such a lovely respectful relationship.
Ouch, Marlene’s comment hurt. I don’t want to see their friendship fall apart. It’s really good.
The comment about making her want to try made me smile. So sweet.
I just can’t handle how much I love their relationship. And its so fascinating when you contrast the very sexual relationship between Marlene and Sirius, with no respect between them to the very slow burning relationship between Lily and James. So much so that his hand on her knee and the whispers in her ear are just much more powerful than shagging in a closet. It just conveys the quality of their relationship. That they are growing closer together without being intimate. Well, all that intimate. I just cannot love these two anymore then I do. Honestly, I would take your Lily and James over the real Harry Potter. Any day.
| KoalaNoob chapter 12 . 8/31/2015
Not much to say about this chapter, other than the fact that the beginning was a bit weird and felt out of place. Marlene chapters aren't my favourite, but they're definitely better than Mary's.
[but not without grazing my shoulder as I brush past it]
Haha, everything in Harry Potter has a mind of its own, forget what Arthur said about not trusting things where you don't see its brain. This is cute and I like the gargoyles' personalities.
[Pete!- pulls me aside after dinner]
Peter being shown to be kindhearted and weak-willed fits into the Harry Potter cannon well. Before he was bribed by Voldemort, he likely would've been like this, and it's because he's like this that he was bribed so easily. Afterwards, he's always shown to be afraid and maybe even regret what he did a bit, but not enough to put himself in the way of danger.
[and I stayed in his room and wouldn't come out]
This makes it seem like Lily was empty for a while after her parents died, and it makes a lot of sense and is a fairly true-to-life reaction. There's a lot of implied things in this sentence, it's a really strong line.
[like a puppet on a string, I nod]
I kind of like the self-awareness, but Marlene doesn't seem the kind who would admit faults in herself. Also, people (especially proud people) don't like to be manipulated or made to do things and usually decline when they know they're being controlled.
| mockingjaybrandybuck chapter 17 . 8/31/2015
I like Marlene and her chapters so much! I hate that she feels so guilty and I hate that she doesn’t have more resolve, but I adore her as a character.
Remember how I said I liked her and Sirius together. Not after that paragraph about how he can’t look at her until its over. Wow that hurts so much. Kick him to the curb girl. You are worth so much more.
The line about Lockhart and the judgment lapse was adorable.
I’m glad Marlene found out about Lupin, well sort of found out.
Is that a typo at the end? It says sourify, but I think its supposed to be scourgify?
That ending is so heartbreaking. I wish I understood Sirius more. He clearly cares about her and doesn’t want to lose her, but what it keeping him from trying a real relationship? I would love to learn that from his perspective sometime.
| mockingjaybrandybuck chapter 16 . 8/31/2015
Awww James Potter, I like this confused, frustrated you. I never lked the cocky version, but this James I like. I feel frustrated for him, poor guy.
She’s not just an object? Is he implying that Lily is an object at all? Careful with your words, James.
What is going on with Emmeline? I feel like I have missed something with her. Not a problem with the story, I just lost track of her backstory.
Oh Lupin, I get why you want to do this, but it breaks my heart that you would trust a Slytherin. I don’t trust Belby at all, but I’m glad he didn’t leave Lupin alone after giving him the potion. I can’t see how this could possibly work out well.
Also, I'm shocked that he gave Belby the invisibility cloak. That is a pretty big deal and I'm sure his friends wouldn't approve. Doesn’t that belong to James? Oh Lupin, where is this going?
| mockingjaybrandybuck chapter 15 . 8/31/2015
Are you implying that Hufflepuffs are gossips? I object!
It’s interesting hearing Mary talk about her trainwreck of a hairstyle. I wouldn’t have expected her to demonstrate humility. What is going on with her?
How sad when Cattermole dumped Mary like that. Poor thing. She’s not my favorite character, but it was a horrible way for it to end. I wasn’t quite sure what he was getting at, but it sounds like she is kind of falling apart at the seams. Oh wait, don’t they get married later?
Did Lily just admit she thought it was Snape who was going to be her guy? I never knew she felt that way about him. I guess it makes more sense why she still hasn’t agreed to a date with James. She is healing from more than a lost friendship.
Aww, I like how this chapter ends. About them making their own choices. That’s much more important than whether someone choses to dye their hair or not.
| mockingjaybrandybuck chapter 14 . 8/31/2015
The beginning of this chapter starting right off with Alice’s surprise at Marlene wanting to work with her pulls the reader right in.
Yikes, why is Marlene ratting on Lily?!
Marlene sure takes negative comments about her, erm sleeping behavior very smoothly. Is that because she is just used to it, or does she just have that negative of a view of herself?
:sigh: the paragraph about James and Lily warmed my heart. Just the way things are coming together. Not that it has been smooth or anything, it is just that their relationship seems so real.
Ahh Frank Longbottom has an understanding heart He seems like such a sweetheart!
The explanation for why she is sleeping in Prongs bed was so wonderful. I love that it was not what they expected.
WHO is this Dana woman? Why do I feel jealous for Lily?! (actually I already skipped ahead in the story so I know exactly who she is).
Have Alice and Frank already made an attempt to date? I may have missed something.
The transition to Peter happens a little suddenly. Maybe a horizontal line would help?
Lily said no? Bummer! Keep trying Prongs!
| KoalaNoob chapter 11 . 8/31/2015
This was a good chapter, but near the beginning, Sirius' narration was really similar to Lily's. I kept getting confused and then going, "oh right, this is Sirius". It gets better later on (which might just have been because I got used to it) but their personalities are very different and that could have been shown more.
[countercharm for Muffliato]
This is the second time you used this phrase, and while it worked the first time, it's starting to feel lazy. Why not just make up a spell? You made the duplicating one, why not make this?
[Reluctantly, Moony nods, smiling shyly]
This line made me laugh a bit, it adds to the scene so much (and to the Marauders seeming a bit gay in that scene). "Smiling shyly" is a common description for shy little girls, but it fits Lupin way too well!
[Potter, Black- you play brilliantly]
It's never said in cannon that Sirius plays Quidditch on the Griffindor team. In fact, the books have stated that he watched James play, so it's implied that he wasn't on the team.
[by taking off house points, no doubt]
"No doubt" seems unnecessary and doesn't fit well with the meaning of this sentence. It implies that Sirius is guessing, but hs right there and the points were likely taken off of him. Also, I didn't think this was worth mentioning since it was also an inconsistency in the books, but it's a convenient time to say it: in book five, Hermione's says that prefects can't dock house points. However, throughout the series, prefects d it constantly. Am I correct to assume that you're going with what's shown rather than what's said?
There's nothing I can quote for this, but I like how Gideon and Fabian play different positions on the Quidditch team, even though they're twins. It differentiates their characters and readers don't get bored with having two carbon copies (hi, Fred and George).
| KoalaNoob chapter 10 . 8/31/2015
The chapters seem to be better when the point if view character doesn't constantly explain about themselves, it flows better and sounds more natural. This was better than the last two, whether it's because Lily is more likeable or for the above mentioned reasons.
[realize that I didn't have to do this on my own]
I really like this, and how it's been throughout this story. In others, a common trope is that everyone except for he main characters are EVUL AND TERRIBLE but this is a much more realistic setting, where students have people they like a dislike, but are generally good people.
[all eight other Gryffindors]
What about other years? You don't specify that it's only the sixth years. Also, there are probably more than nine Gryffindors in their year, the school can't run in so few students.
[he's just James]
The kind of familiarity here is a bit off. Yes, lily has spent a lot of time with him, but she's also spen a lot (likely more) time with Marlene. Why does she only feel normal around him? This almost feels like it's for the sake of romance.
[so long as I don't have to see James]
She was fine with him a few hours ago, and willingly talked to him. The sudden jump backwards with no explanation makes this section feel jagged.
[why is it that I'm failing to perform in one if my best subjects]
Well, considering it worked after she followed Alice's advice, it seems pretty obvious that she wasn't following the motion needed closely enough.
[You're a fast learner Lily]
This actually makes sense. Lily is smart, but not in Hermione's sense. Hermione's already knows everything, but Lily works things out really quickly- that's why she gets spells almost right away compared to Ron or Harry, who take days of practice.