|Reviews for The Dark Side of the Moon|
| Soul-Winged Arrows chapter 20 . 8/6/2014
Amazing. You know exactly how to portray remorse, redemption, and grief in a perspective that shows the demons that can form in everyone. When I came to read this after seeing your video (Sonic and Tails - My Immortal) I fell in love with the story.
| Lyris-Leeton chapter 5 . 6/30/2014
I'm still too lazy to log into my account...oh well...
Is the chapter title an obscure reference to 'Live and Learn'?
"Can you feel life moving through your mind? Oooooh, looks like it came back for more!"
*enjoys virtual cookie*!
Well, this plot is getting better and better! Gonna cut the review short, coz I want MORE! So glad I'm reading this after it was completed, I'd never be patient enough to wait for chappies!
| JustAnotherNerdyFangirl chapter 2 . 6/29/2014
Shadow makes an appearance! Yeah! I love the whole fight scene here - looks like Sonic has finally met someone who can fight on par with him!
And the Master Emerald is back! I've always loved how you write it as a telepathic voice, that is pretty cool!
"Next chapter: Sonic is forced to come face to face with Tails's killer." Oooooohhhh yeah! Shit is about to get real!
| KnightNicole chapter 10 . 3/1/2014
i havn't read the story before this, as i've just finded out "dark side of the moon", and reading of what sonic and tails had to go trough.. i'm feeling very bad. i havn't barely touch food during the dinner, and i've almost cried. yeah, so may feelings here..
anyway i liked it somehow. :)
| KnightNicole chapter 7 . 3/1/2014
i'm actually reading you ff, and i found it awesome! uhm.. yeah, i was all the time mostly like "AAAAH! no idiot! not there!" "NO SONIC!" ""get up get up get up!" and i've chewed my finger nervously that much that now it really hurts, but i can't stop reading! i'm really happy to have finded out you fiction!
aaand, if i had made grammar mistakes, i'm sorry :/ i'm italian and i'm still practicing u.u
well, i go, i need to read the others chapters :3 bye
| Mama May-Eye chapter 20 . 5/9/2013
Ooooo! Awesome story! This is actually the first Sonic fanfic I've read on FanFiction, and I'm glad I happened to find such an awesome one! The rewinding seemed fine to me at first before I realized what this meant for Shadow. Unless he used the Chaos Emeralds or was spared, doesn't this mean his change and all he learned from Sonic is now null and void? D: I hope that's not entirely the case. Great fic!
| Phaenur chapter 20 . 4/30/2013
How about I start this off by saying just how amazing your stories are. I read Survivor’s Resolve first then came back for Dark Side of the Moon and Faster Than You Think in that order. Even spoiled, I honestly can’t think of any story I’ve read, fanfic or otherwise, that had me that deeply committed to the characters or that touched me that much at the end (and by touched I of course mean punched in the gut).
First things first – this is a review aimed at Faster Than You Think and Dark Side of the Moon, but I can assure you right up front that I noticed the same trends all through Survivor’s Resolve, with the good more frequent and the troublesome about the same relative to the size. You nailed it in your profile statement when you said you “write characters” – everyone has a nice satisfying character arc or else is on-screen for so little that it doesn’t matter. Tails probably benefits the most from this, with his coming-of-age story and his chance to finally outshine Sonic, if not in quite the way either of them intended. That said, Sonic has an incredible degree of progression as well, and the supporting crowd frequently show some sort of development even if it only has two or three scenes to happen. Naturally, the more confined story and larger continuous cast of SR make this even easier, and the audience knows and relates to basically everyone both inside and outside the tower – and even, to some degree, Robotnik. Your dialogue is a major part of this - lines are inevitably in-character or at least acceptable close given the situation (of course Sonic would be more poetic after traveling through time to save Tails and actually succeeding!) and while your own voice tends to peek through a bit more in characters' thoughts those are also usually in-character. Also, basically everything that is said or thought advances the story in some way - there is a counterpoint to this, but that can wait for later. Even if it means nothing to the plot, a thought or conversation still explores and generally builds the relationship(s) between the characters involved. Combine that with the little behavioral quirks you give them and every individual in each of your stories is distinct - and, considering the cast, about ninety percent are lovable as well.
I’m certain that all of the above is the reason why your stories are such absolute gut-punches, particularly the end of Faster Than You Think and the entirety of Dark Side of the Moon. In fact, I would be willing to say that in this sense you’ve managed to easily surpass even JudasFm – while I love her works to death, I never broke down sobbing onto the keyboard the way did at the end of Faster Than You Think. I was a massive Tails fan coming into this, I loved the direction you took him in (and will try to use it as at least a potential focus in my own Sonic fic – it’s simple enough now that I see it but also not where I was initially going), and the resolution to Faster was one of the most painful and yet natural things I have ever read. You’ve got a gift for engaging the reader and investing them in your characters, and the way they play off of each other and grow into the story guides the endings perfectly. In fact, at times the emotions you’ve conjured are so intense you can get away with a literal deus ex machina like the ending of Dark Side – we as readers are so desperate for the conclusion we sense coming that we can accept resetting your own saga to allow it.
That said, you’ve got some definite problems in your writing, and they tend to boil down to Perspective. Generally you’re writing from the third-person, but you still only have direct access to Sonic’s thoughts and senses (I’m doing the same with Tails in my WIP). When you switch over to Tails, Eggman, or someone else you’re usually good about making it a separate paragraph if not chapter. That said, there are also times when you slip up and give the last line of a paragraph from a different POV, which is a very jarring misstep and one that’s hard to correct in stories as enormous as yours are. Another note is that, while your dialogue and most of your character thoughts are both wonderfully written and fully in character, there are also plenty of times when the third-person narrator steps in and overrides our viewpoint character. Look for places where you’ve gotten too poetic, used words the character wouldn’t, or in a handful of places given the character access to more information than they ought to have. This is also a mechanical issue, because a moderate proportion of those oversized vocabulary words are also used incorrectly – either confused for a neighbor or not inserted quite right (even on your profile page, it should be “fazes” rather than “phases” right up at the top). Trim these down and you’ll go a long way towards streamlining the story. As a last note about perspective, there are numerous places where I found myself wondering if limiting the view to just Sonic all across the story would be better. You have a tendency to put in dramatic cliffhanger lines at the end of major chapters that are plainly from an outside perspective, and other times even switching between characters can ruin the tension. Let’s take “Liar” from Faster – we all know even without the chapter title that Tails is talking out of his, ah, propeller when he talks about the second vial of antidote, but switching to his thoughts at that point slows the scene down. The impact of end of the chapter, where Sonic comes to his tragic realization, is neutered by Tails and Eggman already giving it all away. Look over these parts – SR is fine, I’d say, but definitely in the old series – and make certain they’re really essential.
There’s another reason to review parts using anyone but Sonic as a lens. You mentioned a worry about excessive repetition on your profile page, and you’ve definitely got a point there. It was much better even by Dark Side of the Moon, but all throughout Faster Than You Think I noticed a pattern in your section structure: you’d have Sonic say and/or think things about Tails and the way his little bro and their relationship were changing. All of this was good – it was touching, it was in-character, it was fairly clearly accurate, and it was entirely acceptable to hear coming from Sonic because for all that it was readily apparent to an omniscient reader it was just his character’s speculation on the page. But then you’d end these sections with a snippet from Tails that basically confirmed everything we had just heard from Sonic. You also mentioned not foreshadowing enough on your profile page, and I think you need to give yourself more credit here – your foreshadowing and explanations are excellent, and easing up a little on yourself will probably make it easier to avoid wasting lines in the future. As it is, though, and despite my rabid fanboyism for the little fox, I was consistently wondering if his parts in the story were needed at all – we got all we needed from Sonic, and having that little nugget of uncertainty over whether or not our viewpoint character was reading Tails correctly would be yet another juicy source of tension for the audience (and possibly for Sonic as well).
Unlike my reviews for Pyre-Vulpimorph and Exploder (and I still need to get around to giving him a full review for his Concepts series) I don’t have any recommended reading attached to this. Most of your problems all tie back to one central issue – again, perspective – and that’s mostly something you need to work on for yourself. JudasFm might be a good reference because of how she juggled numerous characters without wasting transitions or spoiling dramatic tension, but even in that case I’d focus on Rising Star over the others. And besides, the story you told in Survivor’s Resolve was much better suited to the jumps you made - for that matter, so was Dark Side of the Moon – and you might have gotten a handle on the collected issues without me even noticing them go away because of how much more naturally your style fit the other stories. In any event, you’re basically tied with JudasFm for my favorite online author and I look forward with great interest to anything else you write, fanfic or original. Good luck!
| foxyross10 chapter 1 . 3/21/2013
| RandomGirl chapter 20 . 1/12/2013
I have read this and the rest of your series and they were all amazing! It's kinda funny how Sonic's adventure happened but at the same time it didn't. Keep up the good work!
p.s. this chapter was a bit confusing because of the changing of history.
| kayleigh chapter 20 . 10/22/2012
I loved ure fan deserves my super sonic special word :superfreakin megacool
| kayleigh chapter 18 . 10/22/2012
Luv it!by the way nice vid
| kayleigh chapter 12 . 10/21/2012
is very good
| kayleigagain chapter 4 . 10/20/2012
Woah...It is so good
| kayleigh chapter 3 . 10/20/2012
Amazing. I love it. Because of u I have put faith in the fact that sonic does care for so great
| sonamylover111 chapter 20 . 10/7/2012
at the begining of this chapter when tails died i cryed (you are good at making me cry XD)but i read a sentence that when i realized and then there where tears it was weird XD lol any way why does this have to end :'( any way me and my friend have our own account now called sonic electronic i will try and get on it today and try and figer out how to use it XD but ye bye bye for now *crys* XD